Page 53 of The Snag List
‘Yes, thank God – global crises or not people will always have hair and faces.’
‘Just about,’ he answered meaninglessly. ‘Right, I’m off. Some of the Monteray dads are bringing me kitesurfing. Enjoy lunch.’ He pecked Ailbhe, unclipped the baby monitor and handed it to her. He leaned closer. ‘Not too many of these, Ailbh.’ He discreetly glanced at her Bellini and Ailbhe messed with the lemons, aware that Holly was taking it all in. After the first two weeks of AA, she’d told him that while the meetings had been a huge help, she was certain she wasn’t an alcoholic, she just needed to cut back and he seemed to have accepted this. She’d been on her best behaviour since. Tom grabbed his shades and headed towards the hall. ‘Don’t forget to parent …’
‘We will. We kept her alive for three months while you were in a different country, remember?’
Tom shook his head, grinning, then ducked out; the door slammed seconds later.
‘He has no chill when it comes to the baby,’ Ailbhe offered by way of explanation.
‘I hear that’s pretty common among parents,’ Holly replied.
‘Hey, gals.’ Lindy appeared in the kitchen doorway carrying more bottles of fizz. ‘Tom let me in there. He’s been sworn in to the Sports Casual Dads fraternity, I see. Hi, Holly, is it? I’m Lindy. So nice to finally meet you.’
‘Yeah, I finally got the invite!’ Holly answered, and Ailbhe shot her a look. Lindy put the bottles in the fridge and settled herself on the couch by the open garden doors, wincing at the blood-curdling screams of the kids playing next door.
‘It’s the one downside of Monteray,’ Lindy remarked as Holly joined her. ‘Even if your own kid is momentarily not being an arsehole, someone else’s probably is, and it’s always within earshot.’
Holly laughed and Ailbhe felt a flutter of relief. She always dreaded bringing different friend groups together. It could be so awkward. But she’d figured Lindy’s no-nonsense would chime well with Holly’s no-bullshit. She did feel shit for neglecting Holly but she’d felt awkward introducing Holly to her life in Monteray Valley. She was sure Holly would rightly mock it for being the richest, whitest place in Ireland. It was all a moot point now, anyway, as this time tomorrow she and Tom and Tilly would be at the airport. She fixed another Bellini for Lindy and brought it and the board piled with mortadella, chorizo, prosciutto and pickles over to the large low table around which the couches were arranged.
‘Nibbles,’ she called brightly just as Eileen arrived in with Roe, whose freshly dyed candy-pink hair was woven into a pretty braid around her head and worked perfectly with her mint-green overalls. Also with them was Rachel, doing high-end casual in a drapey white T-shirt and Acne jeans. Ailbhe had run into her when she was bringing Tilly for her walk a week before and, desperate for something to say, had invited her. As the others did their various hugs and hellos, Ailbhe noticed Lindy looking annoyed. Was it because she thought it was just going to be them? She swiftly picked up her glass and launched into an impromptu speech to gloss over the awkwardness.
‘I know I’ve complained a lot about Monteray Valley – but now that I am leaving in twenty-four hours, I really am going to miss you all. Especially Tilly’s other mammy.’ She gave Eileen a squeeze. ‘I’m going to be completely fecked without you.’
‘You will,’ her mother agreed. ‘I dunno what I’ll be getting up to here without you. I’m not young or yummy enough to be in the yummy-mummy set, and I’m not old enough to hang around with the other grannies.’ She wrinkled her nose in disdain. ‘I suppose I’ll be kept busy. I’ll be finishing decorating this place – Tom wants me to furnish it fully. He’s given me an insane budget. I’d say at least half of that’ll be going straight into my face! You know you can have all the injectables delivered here, Holly!’
‘Stop. That’s amazing.’ Holly spread gorgonzola on a cracker.
‘It’s so handy,’ Lindy agreed. ‘I never really thought I’d get into it but I gave in. Now, I think facial expressions are overrated! Look at me, for example. How do you think I’m feeling right now?’
Holly leaned in to examine Lindy more closely. ‘I’ll go with nonplussed.’
‘No way, she’s quizzical,’ Ailbhe guessed.
‘Nope!’ Lindy was triumphant. ‘I was annoyed. And you couldn’t tell remotely. I’m telling you, it’s so handy for being married. I’d say it’s keeping every Monteray marriage on the road!’ Ailbhe spotted Lindy throw a sharp look at Rachel and beside Lindy, Roe looked distinctly awkward.Weird.
‘So, you do the Maxxed Out channel?’ Holly wrapped a piece of prosciutto around a cornichon. ‘My nieces are obsessed with your son. Is that weird to say?’
‘Oh, not at all. I’m pretty used to hearing that, to be honest. Though I’ve kinda stepped back now.’
‘Lindy is doing a cool new thing, though.’ Ailbhe drained her drink and got up to grab another bottle. ‘She’s starting a new service for people to fix their regrets.’
‘Oooh, how? That’s genius.’
‘Well, thank you.’ Lindy smiled. ‘It’s called The Snag List. It’s early days but I’m hoping to run it like a life-coaching service but with more practical elements. It’s very … eh … bespoke, so I suppose how it works depends on the client. But, I guess, what I do is sit down with someone and go through their life and make a snag list. Ascertain their unfinished business, figure out what things they didn’t do that they wish they had. Then suss out how to let them experience these things without it negatively impacting their lives right now.’
‘It’s a brilliant idea. But isn’t everyone’s snag just people they didn’t sleep with?’ Holly asked. ‘Are you not going to wind up arranging affairs for all your clients? Like an Ashley Madison vibe?’
‘No!’ Lindy looked dismayed. ‘Not everyone’s snag is sex-focused. Roe’s snag is the show. And mine is this business. Before now I’ve always worked on other people’s business ideas. And I’m going back to study – I’m starting a course in September.’
‘I’m sorry – you’re right.’ Holly nodded. ‘I actually can’t think what my snag would be … Not that my life is perfect, but I just don’t know if there’s anything I feel like I’ve missed out on.’
‘I’ve got one,’ Eilers piped up, guzzling her Prosecco. ‘This will sound mad but I’ve always wanted to try hallucinogens.’
‘Mam!’ Ailbhe yelped. ‘You don’t know what drugs are!’
‘Go way outta that, of course I do. It’s so funny you should bring drugs up, Lindy—’
‘You’re the one bringing up drugs.’ Ailbhe was reeling, she’d always thought Eilers was kind of innocent about these things.
