Page 68 of The Snag List
‘I can’t drink in front of Eddie.’ She stared down at Tilly for several seconds before she added, ‘He’s really on the whole trying-for-a-baby thing – we’re supposed to be taking a pregnancy test in another few days.’
‘Oh. Wow.’ Ailbhe couldn’t believe it. Roe had never told them they’d taken the next step. But she’d taken mushrooms only two weeks ago? Did shrooms and early pregnancy mix? Definitely not, but maybe it’d been after the trip?
‘And what about the show? Isn’t kick-off in, like, two weeks?’
‘Eighteen days,’ Roe replied. ‘When I got the part, I told him I’d quit if I got pregnant. But it’s all fine. I won’t get pregnant.’
Ailbhe didn’t know what to say. ‘But, Roe, look at me and Lindy. It only takes one sperm.’
‘I reeeally don’t wanna talk about it, Ailbh.’ Roe looked beseeching.
‘Sure, of course. I understand.’I really don’t, though, Ailbhe thought.Why do something so massive that you’re so uncertain about?‘What was I saying again?’ she mused, dodging Tilly’s splashes – her legs were going like two little pistons.
‘Something, something, childhood is a many splendoured thing … savour every precious laugh and shart and yada-yada-yada.’
‘Oh God, tell me I didn’t sound like one of those.’ Ailbhe carefully regripped the slippery little Tilly. ‘I guess I was saying how it’s really just hit me that there won’t be any Snag List fixes for the things you don’t do when your kids are young. If I miss it now I miss it. You couldn’t at sixty turn to your thirty-year-old and ask to give them a bath and put them to bed one last time. Or you could but …’
‘It’d be … troubling.’ Roe was nodding.
Ailbhe scooped Tilly out of the fragrant warm water and onto the fluffy white towel she’d spread on the floor. ‘Watch, Roe, this is cute.’ Ailbhe gently rolled the baby up in the towel then perched her on her lap with just her little face peeping out the top.
‘It’s a burrito baby!’ Roe cooed.
‘You will only be my baby for so long,’ Ailbhe told Tilly solemnly. ‘And then you’ll be a savage bitch teenager, so I need to Soak. You. Up.’ She nuzzled the nape of Tilly’s neck, where a few wispy coppery curls were starting to grow.
‘I’m sorry,’ Roe interrupted, ‘but you do sound like an internet mom. I have to be honest with you. Friends don’t let friends go around sounding like saccharine assholes!’
‘Oh, relax, my slut-heart is still beating.’
‘I’m gonna get ready for dinner.’ Roe made for her room down the hall as Ailbhe made her way up to the next floor to dress herself and Tilly.
‘OK, Lindy, are you ready?’
No!‘Yes.’
‘OK, go, Max. Lindy, keep feeding that rope out gently and remember, if Max has any issues, you just pull down hard with your right hand. I’ll be just over here.’
Lindy nodded and kept her eyes fixed on Max’s progress as he made his way up the sheer grey wall studded with brightly coloured hand- and foot-holds. He was so confident. No hesitation. He made a lunge for a grip that was inches out of his reach and Lindy’s heart lurched. He smoothly righted himself, gripping it firmly as his focused face relaxed into a smile of proud delight.
‘Did you see that?’ he called down to her.
‘That was amazing, sweetheart! I wish we had the camera!’
‘No way,’ he shouted back, already looking up to choose his next move. ‘This way it’s better – it’s just for us.’
This offhand remark was, to Lindy, like the slice of a paper cut. It’d be barely noticeable to anyone else, but to her it was a sharp shock of pain.He wanted this moment to be just for us.
My mom is the best … you’re just some saddo on the internet.
She fed the rope out as smoothly as she could, her whole body flexed and ready to act should he need her to take up the slack on his belay rope.I will keep you safe. Coursing beneath her skin was her guilt at Max reading the comments and defending her even while she was the one who’d left him so exposed.
She’d emailed Jamie immediately about turning comments off videos but there was no telling what Max had been seeing up to then. God, why hadn’t she done it sooner? She’d thought because it was all directed at her it didn’t matter. She had never imagined Max looking at it. He hadn’t even been reading all that well for long. He’d been slow getting the hang of it anyway, and then of course the Bloody Pandemic™ further hindered him.
‘Max? I have to ask you something. And please don’t be mad at me.’
They were sitting outside the climbing centre having Cokes. She needed to navigate this carefully. He tensed a little and seemed suddenly wary, years older than eleven.
‘It’s nothing bad,’ she carried on. ‘Or, well, it’s bad but it issonot your fault,’ she quickly added. ‘I’ve seen you in the comments on the channel. And I know you’re trying to defend me and protect me. And I just want you to know, that’s not your job, sweetheart. It’s my job to protect you.’ She stroked his cheek, still baby soft for now. ‘And I haven’t been doing my job right because you should never have seen that stuff and I am so, so sorry.’
