Page 73 of The Snag List
‘Not sure I’ve really got the appetite any more,’ Roe replied. ‘I may just ingest the rest of the day’s calories in booze form. I’m going to get the limoncello I brought.’
Ailbhe nodded. ‘I can provide moral support on that. I’ll just eat seven white Magnums.’
Lindy carried on to the kitchen as Ailbhe and Roe headed down the hall, Ailbhe humming quietly to soothe the baby.Fair play to her, Lindy thought.If that disastrous dinner doesn’t drive her back to the wine, she must really want to make it work with Tom.
In the kitchen, Adam was returning his and Max’s empty plates to the sink.
Will he have the nerve to lecture me?Lindy picked at the crispy-cheese edge of the oven dish resting on the counter.
‘Hallucinogens, Lindy?’ He turned and folded his arms. His voice was low – Max was still watching TV next door – but his tone was disapproving.
Ah, it seems he will.
‘Yeah.’ Lindy shrugged and glugged the rest of the white into a tumbler she found by the sink. ‘It’ll definitely add colour to the Snag List prospectus. Though, obviously, I’m not thrilled Max heard some of that. Or that Tom’s stunt has caused Roe and Eddie trouble. But, yeah, drugs. It’s hardly like you’ve never done drugs, Adam. You can drop the whole Maxxed Out image right now, you know. It’s just us here.’ She arched an eyebrow. ‘You pretend you’re so wholesome for the cameras – well, some of the cameras anyway.’
His features momentarily tightened and Lindy beamed over at him sweetly.
Oh, it is fun to fuck with you, Adam.
He turned back to the sink to finish rinsing the dishes and then placed them in the dishwasher. ‘No investor in their right mind will go for something illegal.’ He straightened up to look at her.
‘Ugh, that was a joke. Sheesh, in the prospectus I’ll be listing it as a girls’ trip! See? Not a lie. Cos I am not a liar.’
Adam was rubbing his hands together – something he did when nervous – but when he spoke he was his usual confident self. ‘Did it occur to you at all that this getting out could hurt the Maxxed Out brand?’
‘Oh my God, what?’ She aped horror.
He scowled. ‘You are unbelievable. Up on your high horse about finishing Maxxed Out and protecting Max. You think this shit is protecting Max? He just heard that his mother was doing drugs.’
‘He did not, Adam. Calm down.’
‘I cannot spend another second here. I’m postponing tomorrow’s filming and taking Max home.’ He yanked the kitchen door open to reveal Ailbhe and Roe, who jumped apart to let him storm through.
Roe hurried into the kitchen followed by Ailbhe, who swung the door closed behind Adam with aplomb. At the counter, she unscrewed another bottle of white.
‘I heard everything. What a cock.’ She pulled Lindy’s glass from her hand and replaced it with the new full bottle. ‘The glass would only slow you down.’
From the freezer, Ailbhe grabbed two Magnums, unwrapped one and upended it into a wine glass, unwrapped the other and shoved it into her mouth. Through chocolate and ice cream, she said, ‘Cheers to hands down the least boring dinner party I’ve ever been to.’ She looked absolutely beaten as she raised her Magnum glass.
Roe held the limoncello aloft.
Down the hall, Lindy could hear Adam calling Max. Usually she would be straight down there to talk to Max, but after the last two days she was spent. He’ll be fine, she reassured herself. Let Adam deal with it for once.
Lindy offered up a gloomy little smile and raised her bottle. ‘Cheers to that.’
Three hours, a bottle of wine, an Irish coffee and a couple of sneaky cigarettes later, Lindy was kneeling on the floor hunched over her phone. She squeezed one eye shut to better focus on the screen. This had to be about her twentieth rewatch of the Adam–Rachel clip.
‘Stop looking at it.’ Ailbhe lay sprawled on the couch above her, eating her fourth Magnum. She swiped lazily at the phone but Lindy batted her away easily enough.
‘I’m doing exposure therapy,’ Lindy snapped. They didn’t understand – nothing could make this more painful. Watching it or not watching it didn’t matter: it was out there; it existed. At all times, somewhere out in the ether Adam was kissing Rachel’s breasts, pushing into her, whether Lindy was seeing it or not. Thank God Adam had left with Max after dinner. With this much wine sloshing around in her system, she couldn’t have guaranteed that she wouldn’t have unleashed on him.
‘Please stop, Lindy,’ Roe echoed. She was also watching a clip on her phone: herself performing the opening number fromVoices of Glory. ‘I am good, right? Like, is this a crazy thing to wreck a relationship for?’
Ailbhe sighed. ‘This might be the sobriety talking, but I kinda think you’re both crazy.Lindy!Stop watching!’ she ordered.
‘I need to watch. I’m trying to see if I’ll get to the point where I feel nothing. I want to feel nothing.’ The booze was a mistake, she realised, albeit too late. It was compounding the misery not assuaging it, and she was already regretting the Irish coffee – post-thirty-five they were lethal. She’d be awake till Tuesday for that one. ‘I just thought we were getting back to the way we used to be. But I think deep down I knew something like this was coming because look at us. Look at our life. It’s artificial in every way a life can be. I had the creepiest thought earlier. All my memories of Adam in the last few years are actually from the Maxxed Out videos. Him smiling at me in the sun at the beach is actually him smiling into the camera in the sun at the beach. Isn’t that so strange? And, fuck me, this hurts.’ She waved the phone and then flung it away across the carpet.
‘I know it does, hun.’ Ailbhe reached down and rubbed Lindy’s back.
