Page 80 of The Snag List
‘But Lindy—’
‘No, Adam.’
‘Lindy, please. I … I’m sorry you … found that. I know it’s unforgivable. I don’t know what I was thinking … except that …’
‘Yes?’ She couldn’t believe he was actually about to trot out some excuse.
‘We got together so young. I hardly had any girlfriends before you. All the years on the road with Maxxed Out, with YouTube moms throwing themselves at me, and I never did any—’
‘Adam.’ Lindy held up her hand.
‘You’re not the only one with regrets,’ he blurted. ‘I never got to—’
‘I don’t want to listen to this,’ Lindy fired back. ‘You’ve humiliated me. You’ve broken our family. The least you can do is spare me the pathetic sob story you’ve come up with to ease your conscience.’
‘Look, maybe this Marriage Pause isn’t a bad idea.’ Adam was looking desperate. ‘We can’t just break up. We have obligations. Max has obligations—’
‘Yeah and he shouldn’t. He is eleven. I know I helped put him in this situation but it’s got to end.’
‘But he loves it,’ Adam protested.
‘Does he? I don’t think so. And even if he does, it’s not the point. He’s a child: it’s our job to decide if it’s good or bad for him. He’s been in the comments – he’s so exposed on there. Enough. I’m calling it, Adam.’
‘Lindy, the money, the house. Max’s trust fund. It’s not a good time. We’re tied up in so much. I know you’re angry but don’t do this to Max because you’re mad at me.’
Lindy stood and scraped together what little remained of her energy for this conversation. ‘Adam, I’m not mad. I am over it. I really don’t feel anything for you. On Friday, we’ll sit down with Jamie and go through all the clients who need to be contacted. They’ll be pissed off but they can’t make us do anything. If they get legal it’ll only look bad on them – toy companies trying to force a child to honour a contract? Shite optics. Same with Monteray. We leave the house – what can they do?’ She glanced around, feeling not a shred of regret at leaving it behind. Finn had offered her and Max the spare room in her place for the time being, and Lindy had felt the first glimmers of optimism at the changes that were about to unfold. Cosy autumn nights in Drumcondra with her sister would be restorative after the intensity of the last few months.
‘Lindy! This is a business. You can’t just fold and box everything off overnight. We need a period to wind down.’
‘Well, fight me if you want.’ She shrugged. ‘I know you think I wouldn’t put that video out there, but what if I decide Max knowing his father is a shit person is better than him being lashed to this YouTube channel?’
She turned and left, hearing the crash of what sounded like Adam kicking the footstool in the room behind her. She headed out to the garden to see Max and watch the last of the pirate adventure unfold. She was sad at what was about to happen to them, but she knew it was the only option. She pulled up one of the loungers and ordered a coffee and a plate of pastries from the Monteray app. She threw in cookies and some decaf iced mochas for the kids. She wasn’t hungry, but if Adam came by, she wanted him to see her looking unruffled.
She was actually shattered from the confrontation. She had never screamed at someone before. Except for Max scooting out into the road. Or when he was really wrecking her head at bedtime when he was younger. But that was all normal screaming. What had just unfolded was the true definition of apoplectic. Adam was right, of course: she would never allow those videos to be seen by anyone. She couldn’t believe how kamikaze she’d been putting the screen recording in drafts – thank God Jamie had found it. Bloody Irish coffees. The fallout for Max would have been unimaginable. No, she would just hold it over Adam’s head like a bomb. Forever ticking.
27
‘AILBHE?’ HER MOTHER’S VOICE THROUGH THE bathroom door startled her. ‘Are you hiding? Tom’s back twenty minutes already and you’ve yet to appear. Skulking up here in the loo is not helping your case.’
‘This is not a skulk.’ Ailbhe pulled the door open. ‘I was just delaying – very different.’ Ailbhe ran a finger under each eye to take care of any rogue mascara. ‘I’m just putting on make-up, trying to look good. How does he seem?’
‘Why don’t you ask him yourself?’ said Tom, who’d appeared at the top of the stairs, shirtless and manhandling Tilly into a complicated sling stretched around his chest.
‘Well, now.’ Eileen clasped her hands together, her voice sugary. ‘Isn’t this lovely?’ She paused for a split second before adding. ‘I must go.’ Then she fled the landing, clattering down to the ground floor and out the front door.Thanks, Mam. Ailbhe’d been hoping to use her as a human shield while pleading for clemency from Tom. She, at least, had better be getting dinner. It was nearly 6 p.m. and Ailbhe’d barely eaten; the whole day had been a nervy countdown to Tom’s return. Roe had kept to herself since she’d arrived the night before and was holed up in the guest room two floors up. She’d been notified of a place in the Monteray Marriage Pause Community but Roe’d no desire to be annexed to the holding pen of ousted spouses. Ailbhe had no idea how Tom would react to her presence – but as she’d told Roe when she messaged her, Roe’s situation was semi Tom’s fault so he’d have to put up with it. Also, Ailbhe was hoping having a guest in the house would keep everyone on their best behaviour. Not including Tilly, of course, who was fully kicking off in Tom’s arms.
‘So, how are you?’ Ailbhe raised her voice over Tilly’s indignant shrieks. The child hated the sling, but Ailbhe sensed opening with a parenting tip was not the best choice right now.
‘Honey, honey, shhhh,’ Tom soothed the baby, dodging the chubby windmilling limbs that were in danger of hitting him. ‘I’ve got to do more skin to skin with her,’ he told Ailbhe, before finally replying to her question. ‘I am good,’ he said firmly. ‘Obviously, I’ve had a couple of days to think and calm down. I realise what I saw on OptimEyesOnU wasn’t the full picture. Oooof.’ Tilly finally landed a punch to his throat. ‘Jesus, she’s not crazy about the sling, is she? I don’t understand it – I smeared breast milk on my chest to help lure her.’
‘Of course you did.’ Ailbhe pressed her lips together, trying to keep her laughter in check. ‘Please say it was mine?’
Tom grinned. ‘I helped myself to the freezer stash.’
‘I should be annoyed.’ Ailbhe edged nearer to him to disentangle Tilly’s foot and ease her properly into the carrier. ‘That stuff takes a lot of time and a shit-ton of calories to produce. It’s not for men to give themselves sponge baths with.’ She smiled tentatively up at him. ‘I’m so sorry, Tom. The mushrooms were an accident. I swear. I wish there was some way I could prove it to you. But I am begging you to believe me.’ If only she could tell him to ask Maia, who knew Ailbhe was attending meetings again. But Ailbhe knew that was out of the question.
‘Ailbhe,’ Tom was jigging slightly now and Tilly’d relaxed for the moment, ‘Maia told me. About the last month, I mean. About how committed you’ve been. I was using the OptiDecide app around what to do about us, and she could see from what I was inputting that I was thinking the mushrooms were just the latest in the whole Ailbhe shitshow.’
Ailbhe flinched. He wasn’t wrong but it was still so raw. All the messed-up stuff she’d been doing – she hated being reminded of it. It made her want to drink, which made no sense. Why would thinking about her past drunken fuck-ups make her want a drink? To kill the shame, she was beginning to realise. But, as she knew from experience, when she sobered up the shame would roll back in twice as murky and dread-filled. It was a relentless cycle.
