Page 98 of The Snag List
‘Eddie, I have to do this for me. And if you loved me and we were meant to be together then you’d think that too.’
He looked away from her towards the backstage area, where Maura and Pat were still standing awkwardly. He shook his head, incredulous. ‘I suppose you thinkthey’regoing to support you like I have all these years.’
‘No,’ Roe said. ‘Of course not. You have supported me and taken care of me and done so much for me. But I need to take care of myself now and believe in myself. Look, this show has brought me so much – it’s not some little amateur thing. You know I have this opportunity to go to London and perform in the West End. I’ll be over there for four months. But it’s not like I’m emigrating. We could still see each other. Obviously, we have stuff to work through, things do need to change, but I really hope you’ll stay for the show and at least seewhyI have to do this, Eddie. Why I will never be happy if I don’t try.’
‘Niamh Kavanagh, three minutes to get to your mark!’ Róisín’s call from the wings cut Roe off and Eddie turned away.
‘Break a leg, Roe,’ he muttered as he walked away without a backward glance.
Regret flooded in as she watched him go. Suddenly her mother was beside her.Oh God, what now?Karma was kicking her while she was down.
‘Mum, I need to get out there,’ Roe whispered. ‘Can you just postpone the berating for once?’
‘Yes.’ Maura sounded softer than usual and Roe looked over at her.
‘Thanks for coming,’ Roe added politely. ‘I know you’re not happy with me. Your last message was—’
‘Unfair,’ Maura cut in, and Roe wondered for a moment if she’d misheard her mother but Maura carried on, choosing her words with precision. ‘My last message was unfair, Rose. I was very upset when Esther and Philip told me what had been going on with you. I was hurt that I was getting the information from them and not you. And I was very upset about what you’d done – the morning-after pill is not … well … I found that very hard to take. I don’t agree with it, Rose, you know that. But since then I can’t stop thinking about it, about how you didn’t feel like you could speak up for yourself. You did a very extreme thing all because you were afraid to admit what you really wanted. And I realise I have to take some of the blame for that.’
‘Mum—’ Roe didn’t know where to begin catching up with this sudden shift in her mother.
‘Don’t.’ Maura held up a hand. ‘You need to go to your … mark, was it? We’ll talk after. I just wanted to say that …’ She clasped Roe’s arm. ‘I don’t want to be out of your life. I know I’ve found certain things hard to accept but I am going to try—’
‘Roe, sixty seconds and you’d better have your head in the GAME!’ Róisín was a woman on the edge.
Roe was grateful she didn’t have to answer her mother right then and there. Maura was going to try? Roe didn’t know what to do with that. The woman had annihilated Roe’s confidence and been openly disdainful of her choices for years. But, Roe supposed, people had the capacity for change.Just look at me. She gave her mother a swift nod and jogged back into the buzz of backstage. As she made her way to the side of the stage, she was showered in quiet words of love and encouragement from her castmates. And Roe felt she was right where she should be, here with people who understood her, her theatre family. Right before she stepped onto the stage, Ailbhe threw her arms around her.
‘We love you, Roe,’ she whispered. ‘We’re so proud of you. Lindy’s down in the audience with Max. I’ll be back here. You’re going to be amazing. Good luck.’
‘Good luck to you too, darl. With Tom, I mean.’ Roe blew her a kiss and stepped into the darkness behind the heavy velvet curtain.
The next few seconds stretched out before her. She felt like she was on a very high ledge. But it wasn’t scary: it was exhilarating. The curtain began to rise and the country twang of the first number rose up from the orchestra pit. She readied her body, feeling every muscle from her feet to her shoulders engage. The curtain was rising but it felt like she was plunging – diving straight off and down into the first notes of the song. And as the words rose from her throat, she began to fly.
‘I was an underdog kind of singer,
Relationships put me through the wringer,
I had passion yet I had no love.
But my songs helped me rise above.’
Even as the music took her higher, her eyes fell to the crowd. Her parents were there and Lindy and Max. But no Eddie. It didn’t surprise her.
‘I was an underdog kind of woman,
But I believe my day’s a-comin’.
All I got was hate and derision,
But one day I’ll get to Eurovision.’
As the show ended to roaring applause, Ailbhe finally spotted Tom lurking at the back of the hall and made her way down to him. The rest of the crowd were howling their approval at the cast, who were coming on and off stage to bow and bow again. Roe was right in the middle, accepting hugs and flowers with tears in her eyes, and theGlee Mecrew were capturing the whole thing.
‘She’s incredible’ were Tom’s first words when Ailbhe reached him.
‘She truly is,’ Ailbhe agreed. ‘The producer … eh … Seb …’ She could barely meet Tom’s eye at the mention of Seb’s name. ‘He … eh … recommended her to a producer friend of his. So she’s on the cusp of big things.’
‘THE Seb, eh?’ Tom replied.
