Page 36 of Such a Good Couple
He blinked. ‘Like what?’
‘Like I’m your mother and you’re trying to get permission to stay out late.’ She walked around the table to pick up her phone. ‘No probs, Fionn, I’ll just drive back to the house in total darkness.’
‘No! I didn’t mean for you to do that,’ he protested vehemently. ‘Of course not. I’ll take you back and then I’ll … you know … come back.’
Maggie’s head was now fully pounding. She wanted to tell him to fuck off and just stay but she was also terrified of the idea of making her way out of this remote landscape alone.
‘Fine,’ was all she said, feeling a bit like she was compromising her own self-respect but also like she really didn’t have any other options. Was her whole marriage starting to feel like that? Yes, in her absolute heart of hearts, she knew it was. Her own wants and needs had been stamped down by his huge fucking career.
Sometimes she pictured a different future. She wondered what it would be like to leave. But she felt stymied by practicalities. How would she afford it, for starters? She hadn’t worked at all in the last five years. How would the twins handle veering between luxury and normality? What bloody continent would they all live on?
She always stepped back from the precipice of these thoughts. She didn’t want that. She still loved Fionn; they’d grown up together. But she also didn’t know how to feel better about her life as it was.
‘I’ll wait outside.’ Maggie hurriedly left the shack and took a seat in the buggy. Fionn followed a couple of minutes later.
‘I was just leaving them a note explaining that I’ll be back,’ he said with a trace of awkwardness.
Maggie wanted to ask when the plan for this meeting and sleepover had come about but she didn’t have to. The entire journey back he babbled about the preamble to this encounter. He was breathless as he described cryptic calls from Edwin in the previous weeks. The potential project they would collaborate on – the details of which he knew nothing about because famously Edwin Ensel’s process was so secretive and so esoteric that there was nothing as banal as a script to look at.
‘So you were taking his calls on set the last few weeks?’ She clenched her fists but kept her voice devoid of emotion.
Beside her, he fell silent, hunching further over the steering wheel, as he focused on the track rushing towards them illuminated only by the small pools of light from theirheadlights.
She thought bitterly of Fionn billing this night as a surprise earlier, as if his agenda wouldn’t become patently obvious the second they’d reached the shack and met Edwin Ensel.
‘Why did you bother dragging us all out there with you?’
‘I’m sorry, it was a bad call. I thought you’d all get a kick out of it. See the movie madness up close.’ He glanced at her but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
When they finally arrived back to the house they sat in silence for a few minutes. Maggie seethed and Fionn, clearly sensing as much, tried to placate her.
‘It’s only for a night or two, Maggie.’ He took her hand and squeezed it.
Maggie stared at the house in front of them, looming in the darkness. The glowing fairy lights on the back deck were just visible beyond the clapboard siding. Someone was still up.
‘I know it’s terrible timing …’ he continued quietly. ‘I want to spend time with you guys. I love when we’re all together and we can just be normal.’ He sighed. ‘I know work is pulling me away a lot. It’s just … I’ve got this momentum right now and I have to lean into that. Nothing’s guaranteed, it could all disappear tomorrow.’ He cupped her face and turned it gently towards him. He had an imploring look.He wants me to absolve him. To give him permission to do whatever it takes even if it means putting us second.
She softened slightly. After all, she thought sadly, she didn’t know – would never know – what it might feel like for all your dreams to come true and how that might lead to another place of anxiety and uncertainty, always waiting to run out of road and fall back to where you started.
‘Fionn …’ she began. ‘It’s not easy. Seeing awful stuff on socials and thenyou’renot even the one telling me that it’s nottrue, it’s Brody …’
‘I know these stupid blind items are horrible, dragging anyone and everyone into it. I heard it’s Cormac O’Shea. He’s on location right now.’ He paused and took a breath. ‘Though, eh, Brody thinks we should be papped together this week.’ He shook his head, seemingly at the oddness of their life, but Maggie detected a slight question in his tone.He also wants us to be papped, she realised.
‘The story … it’s really not you?’ She hated asking.
‘Maggie!’ He turned fully around to her. ‘Of course! Oh my God, please don’t believe for one second that I would ever look at anyone else.’ He stroked her face. ‘I have loved you for twenty years.’
‘I’ve changed a lot in those years …’ Maggie leaned back, out of his reach.
‘We both have.’ He reached for her again. ‘Please, Maggie, don’t pay any attention to the wankers on the internet. You’re the mother of my children, you’re my best friend—’
‘Best friends see each other from time to time,’ Maggie said dryly, trying not to sound petulant. She felt pathetic enough.
‘I know. You’re completely right, we need to get more time together and we will, I promise. I’ll be back from Edwin’s in a couple of days and we’ll have an amazing time. It’s only two days out of two whole weeks. It’s an amazing opportunity to do some serious work with Edwin – it’d be a strong follow-up toFires in Vermont. Really cement me as more than the “Enduranceguy”. I do have to think about my career.’
He didn’t say it but the unspoken words –how else would we afford all this?– hung between them as they gazed at the beautiful sprawling property perched at the edge of this paradise.
Maggie didn’t have much of an answer to this, except maybethat they’d been happy before, when they’d had very little. Even if their careers weren’t stellar. Before the big time, they had still been able to make their art and make ends meet. Kinda. Though she did get that things back then had been more frustrating for Fionn. As an actor, he was at the mercy of casting directors. As a writer and director, she had more agency in her work. She could write in their flat even if no one would ever see what she created. Fionn couldn’t do monologues to no one in the box room.
