Page 38 of Such a Good Couple
‘Thanks, Maggie.’ Clara wrapped her arms protectively around herself. ‘I thought I’d have to go in with the boys andthen the thoughts of looking at them while they were sleeping and just … Ugh, I have this overwhelming sense that I may have, like, destroyed their world just cuz I was gassed up on … what? I dunno … wine and self-righteousness.’ Clara shook her head sadly as Maggie steered them towards the doors.
CHAPTER 10
Annie watched her friends make their way into the house from above. She’d felt guilty for not staying downstairs with Clara but she’d also felt more than a little bit pissed off with her. They were all here together. Things on the holiday hadn’t been perfect so far but was it really the time to act like a bratty teenager and revenge-cheat on your husband? And revenge-cheat for something that hadn’t even been confirmed?
Annie sighed and turned around to face the empty room. Conor was in the bathroom – when was he not? She went over and listened at the door. She could hear the rapid-fire audio shifts that could only be someone flicking through TikTok. Hiding in the bathroom seemed to be something of a theme in long relationships – Clara had reported similar with Ollie. She shuddered at the mental image: forty-something men, hairy knees and trousers pooling around their ankles, thumbing a phone. Massive ick. She made a mental note to never, ever touch Conor’s phone again.You’d miss dating women, she thought wryly. It’d been a long time since Ellie, her girlfriend before Conor. Plus that came with its own issues – she vividly remembered their PMS syncing up. Chaos.
‘You better not be stalling!’ She tapped on the door, making a concerted effort to sound upbeat. ‘We’re on the clock for Fertility Window July 2025!’
The toilet flushed within and Conor slid the door open as he dried his hands. He was frowning slightly. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Eh, yes.’ Annie caught sight of her furrowed brow in the bathroom mirror behind him and consciously tried to relax her face. She wasn’t trying for alluring, exactly – after all this time, that would be too much of a reach – but she could at least look less stern for the person she was trying to have efficient sex with.
‘I dunno, Annie.’ Conor shuffled out past her. ‘It’s been a really weird night. It’d just be forced.’
‘It’s always forced,’ Annie said, trying to cover her impatience by sounding playful. ‘That’s what everyone has to do, they just don’t talk about it. Youhaveto make the effort! Forced is practically thepointwhen you’re trying to have a baby.’
‘I don’t think that’s the point, Annie,’ Conor said quietly. He sounded exhausted, though whether it was exhausted from the emotional maelstrom of Clara and Ollie tearing strips off one another or exhausted with their own unproductive project, it was hard to say.
He sat down on the bed. ‘I can’t believe Clara did that to Ollie. It’s so messed-up.’
‘Yeah.’ What else could Annie say?Ugh, apparently we’re going to talk about this and waste precious time. Fucking Clara.
‘I’d nearly forgotten that Clara could be like this.’ Conor shook his head. ‘She is such a drama queen.’
Annie didn’t want to spoil the already decidedly unsexy mood by disagreeing with Conor, but, despite her own feelings towards Clara, she also felt protective of her. ‘To be fair, she didthinkhe was cheating and he actuallywaslying to her.’
‘Oh c’mon. Lying aboutjogging.’ Conor gave a scathing laugh. ‘Clara is a goddamn mess. She was the same in college, running around drunkenly fucking up and then crying on the stairs at house parties. Getting sick in people’s handbags.’
‘That’s not fair. She got sick in one person’s handbag, one time.’ Annie began to undress in the hope that it would movethem along in the proceedings.
‘They’re the worst advertisement for parenthood I’ve ever seen.’ Conor remained seated, not so much as taking his flip-flops off.
‘That’s harsh. They love those boys.’ Annie undid the buttons down the front of her dress. She wasn’t wearing a bra, she never did with this dress. She’d worn it especially because at one stage in their relationship Conor had actually liked unbuttoning it for her and reaching inside to touch her breasts. She moved closer to the bed and started to slide her straps down. ‘Can we not talk about this now, please!’
Conor looked up with an unmistakably pained expression. ‘Annie.’ He reached up and, to her dismay, pulled the front of her dress closed.
‘What are you doing?’ She took a step back, pushing his hands away and holding the material in front of her chest.
‘I can’t do this, Annie. I’m really sorry.’ He dropped his head and let his hands hang between his knees.
This snub caught her like a kick in the gut. She blinked rapidly because the thought of crying while holding her dress closed like this was too embarrassing. Begging Conor for sex, literally getting her tits out. It was too much. The will to lock in another chance at this month’s window came to a dead stop. It was just so demeaning. She stared down at him.
‘Conor. I know, okay? I get it. It’s awkward timing with the holiday and I know it’s all getting a bit stressy at this point.’ Her words were tumbling out over one another but if she stopped talking she was afraid she might start sobbing. ‘I don’t mean to be so … hyper-focused on it. It’s just important to me.’
‘I know.’ Conor spoke softly, looking at the carpet between his feet. ‘I know it’s important to you.’
‘It’s important tous,’ she corrected herself.
He made no move to echo her sentiment.It’s important tous, isn’t it?was a question she didn’t dare ask in case he gave an answer she didn’t like. The feeling in the room seemed to palpably shift, as though their sadness had the power to increase the gravity.
I have to let this month go, she thought. Though every month counted, especially at her age.There’s always next month, she tried to reassure herself silently.
Annie buttoned up her dress again and knelt down in front of him, ducking her head to try and catch his eye. ‘It’s all good, Conor, there’s always next month and then, ya know, there’s options.’ Her false brightness died in the heavy atmosphere around them.
‘No, Annie, you don’t understand.’ He looked distressed, and Annie felt cold fear slice through her. He shook his head. ‘I’m not doing any of this. I don’t want to do IVF. I don’t know how to say this … I don’t want to have a baby with you anymore. I don’t want to be …’ He faltered and finally looked up at her. ‘I don’t want to be together anymore.’
Something cracked in Annie then. She actually felt herself break – a fissure beginning in her heart and running down into her stomach. She couldn’t seem to fill her lungs.
