Page 45 of Such a Good Couple
Brody’s coffee arrived and Maggie took this moment, as the server cleared a few plates, to try to calm down. If Brody ever rolled on them and became a ‘source close to the family’ inPeoplemagazine, she didn’t want him making her out to be the crabby, pathetic wife always on the outside of Fionn’s life.
‘Have you updated him on the fact that our friends are having a cold war? And are leaving early? Is he coming back for the party tonight? The party he’s throwing?’
Brody raised a hand in what he apparently considered to be a calming gesture. ‘Maggie, I am here right now to collect the twins at his request. He wants them to come out to see the dune shacks and then he’s coming straight back for the party!’
‘I suppose his need for “total isolation” was just total isolation from me,’ Maggie sniffed, and then rose, to communicate to Brody that she was keen for him to go. She wanted to go to her room.
She’d been trying so hard to resist the old urges but once the thought had wormed into her head when Fionn left her in the shadow of the house the other night, it’d become like a parasite. It felt almost inevitable that she would eventually succumb. She just wanted to feel some relief from the seething churn of emotions the holiday had stirred up.
It was okay. She’d had little stretches of returning to the old habits over the years and had always been fine again. It wouldn’t become compulsive; she knew better than to let it.
She moved towards the doors. After eating so much she was eager to be rid of it.
Brody threw up his hands, exasperated. ‘Maggie! It’s abeautiful day. We are having a star-studded party tonight! This is all supposed to befun.’
‘Uh-huh. He didn’t tell me he wanted to bring the twins to the shack. What if I had a plan for the girls? I haven’t even gotten them up yet.’
Brody shook his head. ‘I updated the itinerary last night, so the childcare staff know I’m picking them up. You should have received an alert that the schedule had been altered.’
‘Brody, I’m not checking my emails.’
‘Now, Maggie, we’ve talked about this. You do have to keep up with it all – it’s a moveable feast!’ Brody grinned broadly as though this was all part of the fun of being an A-list family, instead of it feeling vaguely dystopian. ‘I also spoke to Ollie and Conor and they’re going to collect Ollie’s kids for a last trip out in the boat.’
‘Sure,hetexted last night,’ Maggie said pointedly. ‘Clara’s getting them ready.’
‘Great!’ Brody ignored her obvious sullenness and pulled out his phone. ‘I’ll let them know.’
Maggie left him sitting there and pulled open the doors. The volume of Clara’s boys leapt up as she entered. She couldn’t quite make out the words but somewhere beneath her feet she could hear Clara speaking in a placating tone and the shrieks of hyper kids with no intention of doing what they were told.
I should go down, Maggie thought.Help Clara. Get Dodi and Essie. But the feeling of her shorts digging into her stomach and the sense of rising pressure in her chest drove her upstairs instead.I’ll be quick. The nanny will give the girls to Brody and they’ll be so excited to see Fionn, they won’t notice that they haven’t even seen me.She shoved the guilt down and hurried upstairs, relieved to make it to her room without encountering anyone.
On the floor of the bathroom, her knees complained as sheknelt on the hard tiles. She leaned forward over the bowl. In the silence, her breathing echoed.
She paused.
Don’t do this.The thought was just a feeble whisper compared with the roaring urge to rid herself of her mistakes at breakfast.
It’s just once. I just shouldn’t have had quite so much. If I do this, then it’s a clean slate and no more from now on. It’ll be easier back in LA.
In LA, Betty cooked for them and she found it easier to keep on track. In LA, she hardly ever went out, so there was nothing to interfere with her strict food regimen. At the beginning, Fionn tried to bring her to all the industry parties but she’d come to loathe them. Around the stars, it was like the no-eating Olympics. Canapés and dessert tables went entirely untouched.
Now on the cold floor, she breathed deeply and started the routine that was old but instantly familiar. After a few seconds, her stomach complied. Her body spasmed painfully but then the discomfort was swiftly replaced with a reassuring emptiness. She got to her feet a little shakily and cleaned up. She applied some tinted moisturiser. She examined her eyes, which were a bit bloodshot from her exertions. She thought back to the eye drops she used to use.
I could order some online.The thought rose as if independent of her.
No, this is not becoming a regular thing, she reminded herself.This is a one-off, just to combat the holiday eating. A few more days and then it’s back to good habits. Egg-white omelettes and almonds in my handbag.
She gave the bathroom one last once-over and sprayed some perfume. The ornate glass bottle clattered a little as she returned it to the marble counter. She was unsteady. A bit out of practice. How long had it been? Definitely a few years at this stage.She’d had a bit of a bad phase when the twins were toddlers and her body had still felt like a stranger’s from pregnancy and childbirth.
She walked through the bedroom, avoiding the full-length mirror, and headed back down the stairs. At the bottom, she hesitated and peered cautiously around to the right through the lounge area and out the doors to the deck. Brody was gone and with him, presumably, her daughters. Maggie could see Clara waving the kids off at the edge of the deck while Annie sat eating at the table. Maggie checked her phone; it was coming up to 10 a.m.
I could order more waffles. They don’t know I already ate.
She straightened and shook the thought away. But it prodded at her.
This could be my last chance of the day to eat much.For the rest of the day she’d be with Annie and Clara. She didn’t want to be stuffing her face with them. When she was in one of her phases, eating with other people was almost a nuisance. It was irritating trying to act normal around food – she just wanted to go at it in private.
If it’s a different server from earlier, I’ll order more, she decided. She glanced back up the stairs behind her.I can always …
