Page 65 of Such a Good Couple
‘They talked us through some of that earlier. Basically there’s a main villa where the show is recorded. Then all the families sleep in a separate “cast villa” on another part of the compound. There’s childcare there and the producers have really cool day trips planned for the kids and tutors on site. Plus, we’re not shooting all day and all night – there’ll be plenty of time off.’
Annie could see Rachel looking sceptical as, all around them, kids ran about while grandparents and minders tried to marshal them.
‘And Ollie is actually on board now?’ Annie asked as they made their way to Josh, Tom and Reggie, who were on a sofacrowded around an iPad.
Clara looked defiant. ‘He’s been a sanctimonious shit for over a month now, a sanctimonious shit who doesn’t have money for a divorce.’
‘But Clara …’ Annie searched for the right words. ‘What does this really achieve? Even if you get the,’ she lowered her voice ‘divorce out of all this … life will still be life. Where will you all live?’
‘Annie,’ Clara wheeled around, looking exasperated, ‘I don’t have all the answers. But this issomething. I cannot go on without something changing in my life. Everything is so …’ She shook her head. ‘It’s sosour. I need to get out of that house. Get my kids out of that atmosphere.’
Rachel, sensing Annie and Clara might need privacy, walked ahead of them and approached the boys. Over the din, Annie could hear her introducing herself and presenting them with three little bags of jellies.
‘Clara, I know it must be awful. But don’t you think the price is too great? Putting yourselves on TV like this? What does your mum say?’
‘Ah, Jean thinks it’s mad.’ Clara waved a hand impatiently. ‘Of course she does. Itismad. But honestly, I’m looking forward to it. It definitely beats therapy; it beats going to the call centre for the next three weeks. If Ollie thinks I’m such a shit wife and mother, he can say it on national fucking television.’
‘Clara …’ Annie smiled at her friend despite the bizarreness of the situation. ‘If this is you calling his bluff, don’t you think it’s a bit extreme?’
‘I’m feeling extreme,’ Clara snapped. ‘We’re forty! We gotta get busy living or get busy dying.’
‘Okay, this worries me. You only ever quoteShawshankwhen you are truly deranged,’ Annie deadpanned.
‘Look, better deranged than totally beaten down like all thesepoor bastards.’ She threw a hand back towards the corridor of misery. ‘Yeah, my marriage is fucked but … you know what? Let’s make it showbiz.’
Annie sighed. ‘Is there any point in suggesting you just take some money off Maggie and Fionn and spare us all?’
‘Is there any point in saying the same to you for IVF?’ Clara replied. Her words were harsh but Annie knew she wasn’t being unkind.
‘I’m not doing IVF, Clara! I can’t think about baby stuff right now! I’m in mourning … ish.’ Annie flashed back to the murmur of desire she’d felt for Rachel earlier. The very inconvenient murmur of desire that could not be entertained if she didn’t want her life to fall apart further.
Annie shrugged. ‘Listen. You’re insane, and Ollie is so stubborn he should be studied. But grand, I support this.’
Annie and Rachel took the three boys to the park just across from the hotel while their parents prepared to potentially ruin all their lives for a free trip to Kos and an all-expenses-paid divorce.
As the kids charged at the hapless hordes of pigeons ahead of them, Annie found herself trying to explain the phenomenon that was Clara to Rachel, who’d been quiet since they’d left the hotel.
‘She’s a bit of an unstoppable force,’ Annie said. ‘You’d need to know her as long as I have. She adores those boys and she is a really good mother but she’s … unusual.’
Rachel laughed. ‘Listen, I’ve gathered that much.’
‘I just don’t want you to think badly of her,’ Annie continued. ‘Look, whatever we might think of getting up on telly and blabbing about our lives … Clara just doesn’t take things that seriously, I guess. Not in a bad way, but she doesn’t care what people think about her is what I’m trying to say.’
‘Don’t worry.’ Rachel pulled her tangled curls down over one shoulder. ‘I’m not thinking anything bad about her. I get it, I don’t know her life.’
‘I was just worried that you might be feeling a bit … I dunno … you know … about the kids thing.’
Rachel was smiling. ‘Are you aware you basically didn’t say any actual words there? What? You think I’m thinking that your friend doesn’t deserve her kids cuz she’s crazy and her relationship is a mess?’
‘Well,’ Annie bit her lip, ‘I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have thoughts along those lines about people the odd time in the last couple of years. Like, sometimes it seems the worst people in the world get to be parents while the likes of us don’t. Josef Fritzl had fucking kids. Some people should be sterilised.’
‘Annie Sweeney! The eugenics enthusiast!’ Rachel laughed.
‘Ha, shut up.’ Annie pretended to swipe at her.
‘Look.’ Rachel sighed. ‘It is hard when you know that there’s kids out there who need a home, and the process is shit even though I know the Adoption Authority are doing their best. But no, I’m not generally coveting the kids of strangers. So if you’re planning a kid heist, I am not your gal.’
‘I don’t want to steal a kid. So much leg work and people are sooooo paranoid about their kids – very hard to get one alone.’ Annie mugged.
