Page 67 of Such a Good Couple
She put the question to Slags For Life and Maggie got back straightaway.
Maggie: Are you sure sure you couldn’t be pregnant?
Annie: I wish. The last time me and Conor had sex, it was for barely a second and he didn’t come. Also, I’ve had my period since.
Maggie: Ah okay. Sorry, luvvie.
Annie: Ugh, don’t be. No more half-floppy dicks for me. Think I’m gonna go back to women full-time.
Clara: Just catching up. You’re not thinking of Rachel?
This gave Annie the slightest jolt – was Clara literally inside her head?
It’s not a crush, she reminded herself.I’m not entertaining an inappropriate crush right now!
Annie: NO. Rachel’s straight. And my landlord.
Clara: It could be a sound financial arrangement: Head For A Bed!
Annie smiled, despite the free-floating anxiety that had invaded her upon seeing how late her period was. She’d already googled ‘late period not pregnant cancer’ and had diagnosed ovarian cancer.
Annie: Clara, I’m trying to have a crisis here!
Maggie: Look, first things first. Call the GP and make an appointment for Monday and then just do a test to double double DOUBLE check that it’s not the other thing …
By the time Rachel had come home from the pub, Annie had rooted out a pregnancy test from the box where she’d chucked her old stash when she moved out of the apartment. She had also peed on it and left it up in the toilet upstairs.
‘I have a favour to ask you,’ Annie called, as soon as she heard the front door shut.
‘Shoot.’ Rachel hung up her denim jacket and Annie made a concerted effort to not notice how pretty she looked in her floral dress with the sweetheart neckline. Head For A Bed wasnota good plan.
‘My period is kind of late. So naturally, I am having the classic cancer panic. The girls suggested I do a pregnancy test before I go full funeral planning.’
‘Okay …’ Rachel came over. ‘And you’re sure it’s not possible that youarepregnant?’
Annie shook her head. ‘I’ve had my period last month. It was kind of light but I had it since the last time with Conor. And that last time with him was cut short anyway.’
‘Right.’ Rachel nodded. ‘So what’s the favour?’
‘I just really could do without seeing yet another negative test until the day I die. So, I did a test a while ago and it’s in the bathroom. Could you just check it for me?’
‘But when did you do it? Do the tests not go weird after a while?’
‘It’s a digital one. They don’t.’ Annie sighed. ‘Trust me, I’ve a PhD in pregnancy tests at this point.’
‘Okay, on it.’
Annie listened to Rachel’s footsteps on the stairs, then felt her moving overhead. Annie stared at the clock on her phone and watched a full minute go by.
She’s trying to figure out how to break the news gently, Annie thought, swallowing and trying to diffuse the gathering pressure of tears.
Why am I getting so upset?She struggled to sort her thoughts.If I am pregnant …She didn’t even want to dare to hope but also being pregnant now would hardly be the dream scenario. She hadn’t spoken to Conor in weeks. The sad truth of their relationship had been entirely laid bare back on that night in Provincetown. Love hadn’t been what kept them together in that last year but a shared, desperate hope. And once that’d been spoken aloud, Annie knew they could never go back; they’d always know they were settling for each other.
Still … a baby? She welled up again. Stop. It’d be impossible.Don’t hope, don’t hope, don’t hope.She turned her focus inward, trying to intuit any kind of inner shifting that might hint at something momentous taking place inside her.
Rachel was coming back down now. Her tread on the stairs was gentle, from which Annie inferred that this was definitely going to be just another negative in a long line of negatives.
‘Annie?’
