Page 70 of Such a Good Couple
‘They’re standing right beside each other,’ she whispered, flicking her eyes over at Darina and Richie.
‘So?’ Ollie looked bored mixed with lightly hostile.
‘So,’ Clara leaned towards him, ‘I wouldn’t stand that close to you if I had a choice in the matter. Plus, they were chatting on the plane yesterday.Chatting,’ she added, meaningfully.
She looked back at them and spotted Richie’s hand drifting towards Darina’s lower back before a quick retraction took place. ‘Ollie?’ She moved even closer. ‘He went to touch her there. I bet they’re faking being over to try and get the cash prize.’
‘You have coffee breath,’ said Ollie, leaning back in his chair.
Clara rolled her eyes. ‘That’s nice, Ollie. So glad you’re readyto be a team player.’
‘We’re not a team.’
‘Look, if they have a strategy, we need to have a—’
‘People! People! Good morning.’ A tall woman in a white linen suit arrived, cutting Clara off. She waved her hands in an exaggerated fashion. ‘I hope everyone is settled in? I’m Caroline, your cast coordinator.’
She didn’t wait for anyone to answer, instead turning to usher in several young women dressed in matching khaki trousers and brightly-coloured T-shirts. ‘Now, kids,’ the woman lowered her gaze at the smaller contingent and smiled in a way that suggested she had never been in close proximity to a child before, ‘this is the Fun Brigade! When Mum and Dad are busy doing their “work” the Fun Brigade will be in charge!’
Clara and Ollie glanced at each other – she’d used air quotes on the word ‘work’ as though she didn’t think children were actually sentient.
Josh raised an eyebrow at Clara. ‘I thought this was a holiday?’
‘It is.’ Clara patted his arm. ‘Dada and I just have a few jobs to do at different times.’ She smiled widely to reassure him/gaslight him into thinking everything was normal.
The children filed out with little resistance and Caroline smiled benignly until the last child had left. Then she turned back to the adults and looked around sternly.
‘Right, as you already know, we have an extremely tight shooting schedule.Divorce Islandis going to be appointment television, with episodes going out every night for the next three weeks. The public are hungry for drama. Let’s make sure we give it to them.’ She paused to glare around the room before continuing. ‘For an hour after each broadcast, public voting will open, then each day a leaderboard for all the couples will be posted on our socials.Divorce Islandis a highly interactiveshow for our audience: members of the public are encouraged to comment via the hashtag #DivorceIsland and in the Confession Pod we will be showing you all updates from these online conversations to film reactions and generate compelling content. You’ll be handing over your phones now to Eric.’ She indicated a young guy, who moved forward with his electronics case.
Ollie shot Clara a look that seemed to say something along the lines ofHope you’re happy, while around the room other couples were murmuring to one another.
Liz raised her hand, which Caroline steadfastly ignored, continuing with her rundown. ‘We have, of course, already shot introductions for each couple at the auditions, and our celebrity host Jez Fuller will also be providing context where necessary. Our trust exercises are beginning today, as you know. We will be leaving for the main villa, Casa Amore No More, in thirty minutes to film Jez detailing what’s on the agenda. I suggest everyone is camera-ready, as from now until lunchtime there won’t be much time for touch-ups. Attire will be Beach Booty; no one-piece bathing suits, ladies, bikinis only. Are we all clear on everything?’
Liz waved her hand in the air with more urgency and Caroline, not looking directly at her, snapped, ‘Save your questions for on-camera.’ She turned and marched out of the room, sparking an instant hubbub among the other couples.
Clara turned to a mutinous-looking Ollie and shrugged. ‘We knew what we were getting into.’
He just shook his head and Clara continued. ‘Look,’ she said beseechingly, ‘eye on the prize. We can win this thing. And trust exercises are grand – they’ll probably have us closing our eyes and falling backwards into each other’s arms or whatever.’
As all the cast took their places on high stools arranged around the swimming pool, Clara noted that Casa Amore No More was significantly nicer than the living quarters. Through the sliding glass doors into the lounge area, she could see the walls were adorned with framed torn-in-half photographs of celebrities who had divorced: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck (who had the distinction of appearing twice on the wall) were there, along with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and individual photographs of Jennifer Lopez with all four of her ex-husbands.
Production crew scurried around adjusting lights and affixing mics to the straps of the women’s swimsuits and the collars of the men’s open shirts.
Jez Fuller was nearby, dressed in a white shorts suit. He cheerily greeted them all while two wardrobe women knelt at his feet applying fake tan to his legs.
‘Hi, gang,’ he called. ‘Are we ready to make some landmark television?’
Darina and Richie whooped, further cementing Clara’s theory that they were in no way on the rocks and definitely cos-playing a couple in trouble for the thirty grand. The other couples gave murmurs of assent with varying degrees of enthusiasm.
‘Okay.’ A man with a headpiece strolled into the centre of the group, clapping his hands together. ‘I’m Mickey, I’m the director ofDivorce Island. I’ve done stints onLove Island,Big Brother,Bake Off– you name it. So don’t worry, gang, you’re in good hands. This pool area will be our base for a lot of our filming but we also have a number of smaller production units that will follow individual couples as you complete challenges each day. Right, let’s kick off.’
Mickey moved to a monitor behind one of the cameras and called to different members of the crew. ‘Sound? Lights? And we are go. Action.’
Jez, facing one of the cameras, began to read the wordsscrolling on a teleprompter beneath.
‘Welcome toDivorce Island, the first show of its kind in the history of reality TV. I’m your host, Jez Fuller. For the next three weeks we’ll be following five couples as they compete to win an all-expenses-paid divorce.Or, perhaps … decide their miserable marriages are worth salvaging. The best part? You, the public, will pick the winning couple. They’ve arrived in the stunning Casa Amore No More, so let’s meet them …’
‘Cut,’ shouted Mickey. ‘Excellent. Here we’ll be inserting the previous segments we shot at auditions, getting to know you all as couples and individuals. Next up we want a quick bit of B-roll. Everyone up. I want you arranged around the pool.’
