Page 72 of Such a Good Couple
Clara nodded. ‘And you’re Paul.’
‘I am. So, listen, I’d love it if you’d come on a date with me.’
‘Right,’ Clara replied, and stalled by draining one of her cocktails in one go. On the one hand, she was extremely relieved that she was being snapped up and wouldn’t be one of the dud leftovers, but on the other hand, she felt sorry for Ollie – what if no one asked him out? Sure,shethought he was a ride but Middle-Aged Stoner Hot was a specific taste. While the other men had embraced the brightly coloured form-fitting swim shorts favoured by theLove Islandboys, Ollie was wearing the SpongeBob SquarePants swimming trunks he’d been wearing since 2004. They may not have been the best choice.
She looked back to Paul. ‘I guess that’s what we’re here to do.’
He grinned and nodded, then looked smugly over to his wife Liz, alone in the far corner.
‘She cheated on me,’ he said, not taking his eyes off Liz. ‘If no one asks her out … good enough for her.’
At the end of the hour, the cast were once more arranged in couple formation on the stools outside. Cameras were rolling and Clara’s stomach was pitching around from the cocktail concoction. Beside her, Ollie was staring straight ahead.
Jez cleared his throat. ‘Our cast have rubbed shoulders – and who knows, maybe even other bits? – and now they’re ready to date. Let’s find out who was chosen by another spouse and who was left on the shelf! Everyone who asked someone out, stepforward.’
Paul, Richie, Darina and Ollie stood and moved into a row beside Jez. Clara tried not to let her apprehension show. Ollie had asked one of the women out?
‘Okay, gents and lady.’ Jez gave a slight bow to Darina. ‘Who asked who! Ollie, kick us off.’
Ollie delivered his answer while staring straight at Clara. ‘I asked Mary.’
Clara swallowed. This felt way worse than she’d anticipated.
‘Excellent. Take the seat beside your lovely date! You two make an adorable couple.’
‘Darina? Who’s the lucky man?’
‘Derek,’ she smiled, and made her way to the stool beside Derek, where she gave him a giggling, flirtatious slap on the arm – a nearby camera zooming in at speed to capture it.
Richie was next and announced he’d was ‘super stoked’ to be taking Liz out.
Jez clapped and turned to Paul. ‘And you snagged the gorgeous Clara?’
‘I did, I’m a lucky guy.’ Paul grinned and took the seat Ollie had vacated moments before.
‘Excellent, excellent.’ Jez nodded approvingly. ‘And now … Bring in the gays!’
Two young men with flashing white teeth and frighteningly chiselled abs appeared around the side of the villa. They each took a place behind Rob and Sean and draped their arms around their shoulders. Rob immediately slipped out of the guy’s arms and stormed off inside.
‘And cut!’ Mickey shouted. He turned to the cameraman beside him. ‘Did we get that exit? That was too perfect.’ He beamed. ‘Good man, Rob,’ he shouted after him through the open doors of the villa.
Jesus, Clara thought, if the round-the-clock filming andmessed-up challenges didn’t finish these marriages off, the rows about even getting involved in the first place no doubt would.
She looked over at Ollie and Mary, who were chatting away.He’s putting it on to punish me, she told herself.
Isn’t he?
After lunch, where each couple had to pretend to be completely happy and normal in front of their children, the cast were allowed to change into clothes that covered marginally more of their bodies, though there were still rules. No trousers or skirts below the knee for the women, no shirts buttoned past the navel for the men. After they went on their dates, each couple would do a joint debrief in the Confession Pod.
While the children were taken horse-riding on the beach, their parents reconvened at Casa Amore No More at 2 p.m., where five cars were waiting for the paired-off couples. The cast were all instructed to hold hands as they got into the cars, which Clara and Paul duly did.
From the back seat, she noted with a sick feeling that Ollie was taking it a step further, casually slinging his arm around Mary.
‘It’s not fair to use her like that,’ she muttered to Paul. ‘Her husband’s already clearly a dick and now Ollie’s …’ She trailed off as she noticed the camerawoman in the front seat of their car turning to get Clara in shot.
‘Hey,’ Paul said in a soothing tone. ‘This is our time. Let’s focus on us.’
Oh God. He’d obviously gone deep onLove Is Blindand the other American shows where cast ‘fell for each other’ faster than you could say ‘get to fuck!’
