Page 78 of Such a Good Couple
‘Well … are you spending more than twenty nights a year in the same house as them?’
‘Ouch.’ Fionn looked blindsided.
Even Maggie was a little caught off-guard by her own cattiness. She was irritable. Probably because she hadn’t eaten much at dinner and didn’t feel too good after the blip that afternoon.
‘I’m sorry.’ She shook her head. ‘That was shitty. And an exaggeration.’
She didn’t want to row. Sure, sometimes his return to family life could bring up mixed feelings, provoked by his stories of allthe fun he was having and the obvious pleasure he was getting from achieving everything he’d dreamed of. But she never wanted to punish him, not least because it would surely only serve to push him closer to his acting buddies.
‘It’s okay.’ Fionn pulled her close again. ‘I really do wanna get this ratio of work and family into better balance. There’s no point in working so hard if we don’t get to enjoy it all together. I feel like once this Oscar stuff is done with, I’ll be able to take the foot off the pedal a bit. The Oscar campaign is wild. I’d never appreciated that studios basically lobby the Academy for nominations.’
‘It is crazy.’ Maggie started to gather up the rest of the dishwasher bits on the table. ‘But I’ve a good feeling.’
‘Leave the clean-up, Maggie. Let’s have another drink. I wanna sit on the terrace with you and soak it all up. I’ve missed you.’
On the terrace, Maggie couldn’t focus. Fionn was full of questions aboutDivorce Islandas he hadn’t seen any of it yet but, inside her, as the few calories from dinner were being absorbed, the unsayable urges were nagging her to the point that she could barely form answers.
‘Do you think they’re doing well on the show? I still can’t quite believe it’s for real.’ He tipped back some more wine with obvious relish. He rarely drank when he was in the full swing of a movie.
‘I know what you mean,’ Maggie said, vaguely trying to remember his question amid the panicked cacophony of her brain.Just go to the toilet, Maggie. Then you’ll relax and you can enjoy the evening.She couldn’t argue with that. Shewouldrelax if she just got on with getting it done. She could focus on Fionn, maybe even have a nice fucking evening with her husband. She thought longingly of the peace that awaited her onthe other side if she could just do it.Why am I resisting? It’s not like it’s hurting anyone.The feeling of the cold tiles against her cheek when she woke up earlier revisited her, along with a flash of her vomit-caked hand.
‘Maggie?’
With a start Maggie noticed that Fionn had taken that same hand and was staring intently at her, his incredible chiselled face glowing as, across the city, the sun dropped behind Mount San Antonio. ‘Are you okay? Is everything alright?’
‘Sorry, sorry.’ Maggie smiled wanly. She needed tonotgive him cause for concern. The last thing she needed was anyone wondering if she was okay. That’d be a fast track to them trying to stop her. Just enough of her brain was unpolluted by the cancerous spread of her obsession to know that what was happening was not ideal. If the others found out, they wouldn’t understand that she had it under control. They wouldn’t understand how much better, how muchsafer, it made her feel.
‘Everything is cool.’ Maggie smiled. ‘I’m a bit worried about Clara and Ollie. I feel like this whole show is a big game of chicken for them – like, who’s gonna back down first. But the stakes are too high … Anyway …’
Maggie paused. She hadn’t fully decided whether to tell Fionn about the Medea project or not. A part of her wanted to wait for when things were definite to surprise him. An echo of his earlier words about Maya Rudolph drifted through her mind.She’s a real artist. And she has four kids.Maggie decided to tell him.
‘I actually have some pretty exciting news.’ She slipped out of his concerned grasp.
‘Yeah?’ He perked up.
As she detailed the morning’s meeting, she watched his face closely. She didn’t detect anything but genuine happiness, even when she explained – she made absolutely sure that she wasnotasking his permission – that she’d be going to New York in tendays’ time.
‘I want to get some intensive writing done and I’ll be meeting with Drew.’ She looked at him steadily. ‘So you’ll be fielding the twins.’
‘Perfect! And we can come join you! TheEndurance 2premiere is around then! This is amazing, Maggie!’ His eyes were shining. ‘I cannot tell you how amazing this is to hear. This is what you should’ve been doing all along.’
A twinge of irritation caught her momentarily –maybe I would’ve been if your career hadn’t been hogging all the oxygen?He clearly didn’t notice her pulling a face because he was continuing enthusiastically. ‘Feels like the old Maggie!’ He clapped his hands and she decided to let this slightly insulting observation slide. He was genuinely delighted; she knew he wasn’t trying to put her down.
‘So a reworking ofMedea? Amazing. I’m a bit hazy on that story … We definitely did a Euripides in college but can’t remember which—’ The buzz of his phone on the table caught his attention and he frowned while examining the screen, then turned the sound off. ‘Not important! We havegotto celebrate … I can think of a good way.’ He winked. ‘We could sneak off now before the girls’ bedtime.’
The thought of ‘celebrating’ her good news, naked in their bed, gave her a jab of apprehension. He had literally just wrapped a shoot spent doing romantic scenes with one of the most gorgeous twenty-four-year-olds in Hollywood. The age disparity in the leads in movies was seriously depressing. God forbid a forty-four-year-old man should have to touch a forty-four-year-old woman. Though in this town no forty-four-year-old actress looked remotely close to a normal forty-four anyway.
‘Sure.’ She smiled. And the lie of her smile made her feel suddenly lonely.We’re not in sync, she thought.He doesn’tknow the full truth of my life right now.This was the unfortunate side-effect of her routine. It could put distance between you and the rest of the world. She tugged at her waistband; she felt so full. Even as she pondered the downsides of it all, the thoughts pressed in on her.If I do it now,I can come back, and he won’t notice anything. Having sex would feel ten times better.
Her resolve evaporated. ‘Let’s finish our wine first,’ she suggested. ‘We’ve got time.’
A few minutes later, she excused herself. She picked the en suite of the furthest guest room and in mere seconds felt freer, lighter and calmer. All the good things. Her mind felt clearer; her perfect routine had instantly muted the cacophony of anxiety. She brushed her teeth with a brush from one of the many guest vanity kits that all the bathrooms were stocked with.
After they’d finished the bottle, Maggie hovered in the dressing room off the bedroom.
‘You are coming out here eventually, yeah?’ Fionn called playfully.
‘I’m giving it some careful consideration.’ She kept her voice light and jokey as she searched through the many drawers of the mirror-topped island in the centre of the wardrobe. The fancy underwear drawer was definitely one of them; the stylist tended to arrange the pieces once she’d bought them and Maggie wasn’t sure that she hadn’t moved the drawers – it’d been a while since Maggie had gone hunting for a lacy something or other to wear so Fionn wouldn’t have to look at her whole body. She liked the one-piece kind that held in her stomach and kept her breasts roughly where they used to be. She crouched at the lowest drawer and found the various delicate confections neatly folded among layers of tissue. She picked a lacey lilac one, shimmiedout of her dress and pulled it on.
