Page 85 of Such a Good Couple
What!Clara thought at the same that several of the men yelped the same.
From her position, eye to eye with Ollie’s crotch, Clara glanced to her left at Liz, who was grinning malevolently up at Paul. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t have gone into the Intimacy Pod with Darina yesterday,’ she said with an arched eyebrow.
‘That’s it, ladies, go ahead,’ Jez called. He turned to the camera. ‘The sarongs are no fashion statement. They are to keep us broadcasting before the watershed.’ He winked at the unseen viewers.
Clara looked up at Ollie, who nodded, looking tense. She reached under the material and fumbled with the rope and Ollie’s poor, innocent floppy junk. When she had secured the rope she stood up, as did the rest of her counterparts.
‘Now the wives must tie the other end around the cinder blocks.But,’ he raised his hand to silence the murmured objections of Sean and Richie, ‘first they must cut the rope to measure. Ladies, you will all dive to the bottom of the pool to estimate how deep it is before cutting the ropes accordingly. In a few minutes, you will be dropping the cinder blocks attached to your men to the bottom of the pool. It is up to you how much slack you decide to give.’
There was a sharp intake of breath from the men.
Then they were handed blindfolds as the women and Rob stripped down to their swimsuits and one by one slippedinto the water. Clara opted for a hand-over-hand method of measurement. She tried not to think of the risks. So far none of the challenges had posed the risk of personal injury. This was serious.
Back on the edge of the pool, with the men’s eyes still covered, the women and Rob set about measuring how much rope to give.
‘Do we have to cut the rope?’ Clara asked. ‘Can we choose to just leave the full length?’
‘No,’ Jez snapped.
Clara concentrated. Ollie’s penis had provided her with some good times; she didn’t want anything terrible to befall it. She reminded herself to allow for the cinder block landing both upright and on its side and then she added another few feet to be absolutely sure.
With each man now secured to the cinder block, Jez instructed them to pick up their blocks and step to the edge.
The director cut at this point and told them that each couple would now have an interaction for the cameras. They began with Paul and Liz.
‘Paul, do you trust Liz?’
‘Yes. With my life! But not my penis!’
Liz smiled malevolently and Jez fixed his beady gaze on the next couple.
‘Darina and Richie, there’s a lot at stake here. You two haven’t had kids yet.’
‘Maybe don’t assume everyone wants kids.’ Darina glared.
Jez moved along hastily, no doubt fearing the inevitable discourse online about archaic, heteronormative expectations being peddled on arguably the most heteronormative reality show ever conceived of.
Rob and Sean were next.
‘This is barbaric.’ Sean folded his arms.
‘So was forcing me onto this show,’ Rob snapped, and gave asharp tug on the rope. Sean winced.
‘Cut!’ the director yelled. ‘Did we catch that rope action?’ he asked the camerawoman closest to him. She gave the thumbs-up and resumed shooting.
It was now Derek and Mary’s turn. Beside Clara, Mary looked close to tears and covered her face with her hands. ‘I’m scared,’ she said. ‘I know there’s enough rope, but,’ she peered out at Derek, ‘what if something goes wrong, what if I hurt him?’
Jez nodded sagely. ‘That’s the risk you are all taking. You’ve gambled your hearts by coming to Divorce Island and now you are gambling with your husband’s most vital organ.’
Clara felt sick. The cameras turned to her and Ollie.
‘Clara? Ollie?’ Jez prompted them.
The situation was rich with opportunities for quips but, instead of taking the bait, and no doubt delighting viewers and probably securing votes at this crucial point in the competition, Clara turned to look Ollie in the eyes.
‘I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have,’ she said simply.
Ollie gazed back at her, and their surreal situation – cameras, lights, crew and dicks tied to concrete blocks – receded. In that moment, it was just them. For some reason, Ollie’s ruffled hair and scruffy stubble were breaking her heart and suddenly she knew what she had to do.
