Page 94 of Such a Good Couple
‘It was grand.’ Rachel accepted a cup and a plate of brown bread, butter and marmalade.
‘Eat up, but don’t go mad,’ Shiv instructed. ‘We’ll go down to O’Mahoney’s for fish and chips later for dinner. I’ve put you two in the loft. Ellie’s in with me for the night. Are you staying tomorrow night as well?’
Annie reached for the milk. ‘We’re gonna hit the road late tomorrow night. Ollie’s marathon is on Sunday morning and we’re all going. Fionn and Maggie are coming over and everything. She’s a lot better now, she’s working on a play! Has a New York producer and everything!’
‘Sorry,’ Ellie cut in with a mouth full of bread, ‘no offence to Maggie, butboring! What thehellis happening with Clara and Ollie? Everyone I know was obsessed withDivorce Island.’
‘To be honest, I barely know what’s going on with them.’ Annie shrugged. ‘They’re not even back a week and I think it’s gonna be a while before things settle down again. Clara says people are asking for selfies when she’s at the shops, and mad stuff.’
‘At least they were fan faves.’ Ellie swallowed thickly and jammed more bread into her gob, before continuing, ‘They were the least messy couple on the show. Which is saying something. I’m really glad they’ll be sticking together.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ said Shiv.
‘Aaaaand speaking of messy couples,’ Ellie’s eyes were dancing. ‘what’s the story with you and Conor?’
‘Can you please sound a shade less gleeful?’ Annie sniffed. ‘Things are … tricky.’
‘I’m not gleeful. But he did break up with you in the middle of trying for a baby.’
‘We’re going to work it out.’ Annie sighed. ‘Could I interest you in more bread to stuff your face with?’ She turned to Rachel. ‘It’s the only way to mute her.’
That night after a big feed in O’Mahoney’s, Annie and Rachel both collapsed on the loft bed.
‘I love Ellie.’ Rachel’s arms were flopped over her head, stretching her T-shirt tight. Annie could see the outline of her breasts and quickly pulled her eyes away.
This, she was finally beginning to acknowledge, was going to be a problem.
Not if I pretend it’s not happening, she told herself, knowing full well what a futile plan that was.
‘She’s fun,’ Annie agreed, putting her hands on her burgeoning belly. ‘Very cute as a baby. And with the age gap, Shiv was delighted to have the free babysitter.’
‘Good you have the practice.’ Rachel rolled onto her side and placed her hand on Annie’s bump beside Annie’s own. ‘Four months today.’ She smiled. ‘Any moves from Beanie?
In the last week, Annie thought she’d begun to feel the tiniest of flutters.
‘Nothing.’ Annie tried to focus on anything other than the warm pressure of Rachel’s hand. Inside her, a weird jumble of feelings spun like a washing machine. Annie was pregnant. They were talking about the baby inside her but all she wanted to do was push Rachel’s hand down between her legs. She wanted to pull her close and kiss her. Being pregnant and aroused at the same time felt extremely strange.
Annie turned away and reached for the lamp on the bedside locker. ‘I think I need to sleep.’ It seemed to be the only solution. If she was conscious, she was thinking about Rachel. And if she was thinking about Rachel, she was then worrying because how could this work? Did Rachel think about her? Obviously yes, they lived together. But was there anything more between them? Just how straight was Rachel?
The next afternoon, she and her mother took a walk on the beach, just the two of them, while Liam and Ellie brought Rachel pier jumping. It was a nice reprieve from the endless chat.
Of course, the reprieve came with a side of motherly curiosity.
‘Rachel is fantastic,’ Shiv said as they padded over the dark, compacted sand where the water was receding from the beach. She glanced over. ‘I sense you’re falling for her?’
Annie wasn’t surprised; her mother’s intuition was notorious.
‘Do you think that’s a bad thing? Do you think I should, I dunno, pull back from her?’ Annie asked sadly. Before adding, ‘If I even can.’
‘Annie, don’t be sad. This is a beautiful time in your life and one you have waited quite some time for. Rachel clearly loves you and this baby. You of all people should know that families look all kinds of different ways.’
‘I thought we could maybe team up, do this baby thing as friends. But now I feel like I’m fucked. If I could just not have feelings for her, it’d be simpler.’
‘Hmmmm.’ Shiv reached for Annie’s hand. ‘Listen, a more pragmatic person than me would probably be full of advice about disengaging. To protect your heart or whatever. But not one of us is practical in this family.’ She laughed lightly. ‘And we’re all doing okay, yes?’
‘Yes,’ Annie nodded.
‘My advice, if you want it, is: don’t make decisions to try and keep from getting hurt. You cannot safeguard yourself againstpain and, if you try, while it might keep bad things at bay, it can keep the good out too. You can cope with whatever happens. All this will be fine, Annie. It just might not look how you thought it would.’
