Page 89 of How to Break My Heart
“Really, am I that boring?”
“I wouldn’t throw around the wordboring, more likepicky. You red-flag all men before they even have a chance to prove their worth in the bedroom. Now you’ve had, like, what, multiple orgasms with the hottest guy ever?”
“A lady never tells. But let’s say six for all intents and purposes.”
Billie purses her lips with a silent nod. “You’re falling for him.”
“No, I’m not.” I choke the words out quickly.
“I’m sorry. I will correct myself. You’vefallenfor him.”
“It’s not like that, okay? It’s just been a buildup from high school. More of a what-if scenario,” I rush, spluttering my words. “Once this wedding is over, this will be over.”
“You really believe that?”
“I have to, Billie. Aston is not the guy for me.” As the words leave my mouth, I check my phone to see if Aston has texted. There’s nothing from him, and even though I should send him a text, something makes me hold back.
Last night changed everything.
I don’t know where we stand.
But given Aston’s history with women, it wouldn’t surprise me if I’m just a notch on his belt.
Except he asked me to stay.
The day turned out to be quiet, which should have been a welcome relief, but only added to my stress of low numbers this season.
When I finally arrive home, I take a long-needed shower. The hot water feels like heaven, but upon spreading the soap all over my body, I notice small bruises near my thighs.
A smile graces my lips as I remember when he positioned himself between my legs and gave me the best head of my life. He used his hands to keep my legs spread wide open, which I assume led to the bruises.
The water cascading down my body stings my sensitive nipples.God, he really did a number on me.I use the soft loofah beneath, but the moment it accidentally glides against my clit, I moan with desire.How is it possible for me to want more?
I decide to get out and put on my silk black pajamas to relax for the rest of the night. With my hair damp and brushed away from my face, I set up camp on the sofa with my laptop. In the background, I put onLove Islandagain. I’ve missed a few episodes, so I’m not up-to-date with who is sleeping with whom.
This week’s focus is finishing plans for the bachelorette party and the seating chart for the reception. Maddy’s mom offered Beaumont Manor to host the girls-only party. I wasn’t sure if Maddy would approve, but since we didn’t have much time, she happily accepted and gave me a list of things she requires.
Ramona, however, texted me to say she could get male strippers if we need them. I’m still on the fence, not wanting to make the party that kind of cheesy.
My phone pings with a text beside me.
Maddy
I’m coming over after dinner. Did Ramona text you about strippers? Like, how hot are we talking?
Me
I saw a pic and let me sum it up in two words: WILD STALLION. See you soon.
The guilt rears its ugly head again. If I were to say something, maybe she might understand given that we’re all adults now and can make our own decisions.
With every minute that passes, I twitch nervously in anticipation. It all becomes a bit too much, so I rumble through thekitchen cupboards and pull out a bottle of gin someone gave me for the opening of the café. Luckily, I also find a bottle of tonic.
My stare is blank, and I am unable to concentrate on the screen. The gin has gone down nicely, so I make another and decide to call my parents instead. It’s been a while since I last checked in, and of course, nothing much has changed. They got some new animals, including an exotic bird, which Dad treats like a third child. When we hang up, I call my brother, needing to hear his voice.
“If it isn’t the queen of Cinnamon Springs,” he teases upon answering. “You’re alive, lil sis.”
“Barely,” I tell him. “This wedding planning is killing me.”
