Page 107 of The Lady Needs a Rogue
“But yet, you went along with it. And you took it a step further. You led me to think you were different.” She dragged ina breath. “You weren’t like Jon and my father and all the others. You weren’t a man who wanted to control me. You made me feel as though you valued me. And my dreams. And I believed you.” She swallowed hard, determined to say what needed to be said. “Which part was real, Finn? And which was simply a convenient means of managing Jon’srebellioussister in order to close your deal?”
She dropped her gaze to the stones on the terrace, fighting the urge to weep. To cry out. To plead with him to convince her she had it all wrong.
“Macie, look at me, lass.” His voice was low and rough and edged with gravel.
She forced back the tears and faced him with her chin held high. “I suppose Jon was right. You did keep me out of trouble, so to speak. I was too busy hanging on your every sweet whisper.”
He stood silent for a long moment, his expression unreadable. “So that’s it, Macie? Ye think everything I said, everything I did... ye think it was all a lie?”
“Not a lie.” Her heart softened as emotion flared in his amber gaze. “It’s possible we were caught up in the moment. After all, you are a man. And I am a woman.” She drew in a low breath as the memory of their passion washed over her like a stormy wave. “Circumstances neither of us could have predicted compelled you to stay near, day and night. Danger heightens emotions, does it not?”
Gently, he cupped his hand against her cheek. “Macie, what occurred between us was more than the heat of the moment.”
“In my heart, I wanted to believe you’re better than the rest... better than the heiress hunters.” Blinking back tears, she met his gaze. “Jon wanted to know your secret... wanted to know how you kept me in line, as if I were an errant child.”
He plowed his fingers through his hair again. “He is wrong to think of ye in that way.”
“I would have to say I agree.”
“I do agree with him on one point. Ye’re a force of nature, Macie.” He drew the tip of his finger along the curve of her cheek, seeming to study her. “Believe me when I say I did not lie to ye.” His voice grew rough with emotion.
“I do believe you. Hearing the words from your lips, I at least feel comforted that you did not deceive me.” She came to her feet and went to the wrought-iron fence, peering out into the street just beyond the garden gate. “You told me you wanted me.”
“I meant every word,” he said, following her. “Ye should know that.”
“I believe I do,” she said. “And I wanted you. Quite desperately, really. But you would not take what I so willingly offered. I wanted to feel that I was yours, body and soul.” She swallowed hard against the burning lump in her throat. “But you could not allow yourself to take my oh-so-precious virginity. I suppose there is, indeed, honor among rogues.”
A muscle in his jaw worked with tension. “It was not the time. Nor the place. Ye deserve better than a clandestine tumble in the dead of night.”
“Shouldn’t I have had a say in that decision?” She pulled in a long breath and held his gaze. “I knew my own mind, Finn. And I knew I wanted you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But you held back. You would notruinme.” She sighed. “God, how I detest that word. But absurdly, it’s how my worth is judged. And you... you would not risk going against your equally absurd rogues’ code.”
Heat flared in his gaze. “What happened between us had nothing to do with any blasted code.”
“As I recall, you did not correct my brother on that notion. And you did not inform him that you played a far more intimaterole in my life than brawny chaperone.” She felt a tear slide down her cheek. She swiped it away and searched his eyes for the truth. “Finn, I’ve no reason to believe those moments we spent together were more than a fleeting passion for you. And most likely, one of many.”
He regarded her for the span of several heartbeats, his jaw hardened as he studied her. “That’s where you’re wrong, Macie,” he said, his voice a gritty rasp. “I’ve never known a woman like ye. And I doubt I ever will again.”
“Ah, we’ve well established that I’m a blastedoriginal. I suspect any woman with a mind of her own who dares to show it might be described as such.” She swiped away another rebellious tear. “Tell me, Finn, how am I to believe what went between us was more than a flare of passion between a man and a woman? It isn’t as if you’ve said you love me.”
“And if I did speak those words?” He scrubbed a hand against his jaw. “Would that make this right?”
“Make it right? Ever the problem solver, eh?” She slowly shook her head. “Finn, I don’t know what’s left to be said. Why did you come here?”
His jaw hardened, even as he caught her hand in his. “I needed to talk to ye. Ye’ve already made yer decision about Athens. But ye should reconsider.”
“Should I now?” Unable to stop herself, she reached out and touched his face, drawing her fingertip over the bristles of new beard on his unshaven jaw. “I’ve decided it’s best if I leave London for a time. And you must admit, it is a grand opportunity.”
“Ye shouldn’t leave, Macie. Not now.”
“If not now—when? After all, there’s no point in delaying it. Your time as mybesotted bodyguardhas come to an end. Jon certainly won’t approve of you sleeping in the servants’ quarters now that he’s back, will he?”
“Macie, ye have to listen to me.”
She turned to her roses, pinching off a spent bud, then another. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to Jon that might endanger the deal you wanted so badly.”
“And if I told ye I did not give a damn about the contracts?”
Much more of this, and she’d entirely lose control. The very last thing she wanted was to weep before him.
