Page 112 of Vicious Princess
My heart plummets in my chest.
He cups my cheeks, eyes pleading. “I didn’t choose it, Phoenix. Just because I was born into this family, it doesn’t mean I chose this destiny. I don’t carry any Caligos tattoos, because I’m not officially initiated into the organization. I never will be. It’s not my path. Instead, I chose to serve the General and the Order.”
I search his gaze, desperate for a sign. Something that would help me figure out if he’s telling the truth. “What did you do to Kata?”
The next couple of heartbeats while I wait for his answer are the longest seconds of my life.
“I used my Caligos connections to take her out. While I haven’t harmed her personally, I ordered it.”
I can’t lie. I’m relieved she’s gone. One worry off my shoulders.
But just because he made her disappear, it doesn’t make it right that he kept part of his identity a secret.
That he didn’t care enough to involve me in his decision.
That he didn’t trust me.
I slap his hands away from my face. “It doesn’t excuse you lying and keeping secrets! You ask me to trust you. How can I if this is how you act? If you keep me at an arm’s length at all times? This, the decision to deal with Kata, was supposed to beours. Not yours alone.”
Not an ounce of regret is present in the tight set of his jaw. “I hid it to protect you and to protectus. Our future. I’m not going to apologize for that.”
“Our future?” A sarcastic laugh bubbles out of me. “What fucking future? You’ve been lying to me all this time, keeping secrets while I risked my fucking future in the Order, thinking that we’re on the same page.”
“And we are! I want you, Phoenix. Not a single thing between us was an act.” He taps the middle of my chest where my heart is and places my palm over his. “Everything I feel for you is true and real. Has been from the very moment I laid my eyes on you in that bar. Besides, it’s rich coming fromyou, considering you’re the one who has a wall built around your heart taller than any Ekiosh mountain. I’m not the only one keeping secrets.”
“Fuck you.” I shove his chest, but he doesn’t move an inch.
With him so close to me, his delicious scent overwhelming my senses, I can’t think straight. My mind is running a thousand miles an hour, the General’s warning ringing over and over again.
It’s too much. I can’t deal.
“I need space,” I choke out. “Give me fucking space.”
Immediately, he steps away from me. Finally, I’m able to breathe. It doesn’t make me feel any better, though.
“Phoenix, please. I’m sorry I kept this from you—I had no choice,” he says. “Don’t end what we have because of me trying to protect you. Caligos are more dangerous than you know.”
“Keeping me in the dark doesn’t make it safer for me,” I say, breathless. “It’s a pathetic excuse.” I head to the door.
He calls after me. “Where are you going?”
“Stay away from me,” I call over my shoulder before I slam the door shut behind me.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Betrayal tastes…bitter. Like one of those purple hot peppers that grow in the north of Wetra; they’re dried and milled into a fine powder to be used as a spice.
I hated the taste of it in soups since I was little. And I absolutely detest it now, as it seems to linger in my mouth at all times.
Nobody pays much attention to the fact that Kata went missing. Not even her friends Bloom and the giant.
In fact, the air seems lighter since she’s not here with us. For the first time in months, a couple of fae speak to me in the barracks and during lectures. Fae who barely ever spared me a glance, let alone bothered to hold a conversation.
It’s so odd.
Despite my newfound popularity, I keep to myself for the next week. I go for a run every morning at five, then head to breakfast and straight to lectures. During physical training, I avoid Daegel like the plague, not even looking his way.
After lectures, I head to dinner with Roman most evenings, and then I make my way to the library to study for Ezkai Gavriel’s class. Once my mind is mush, I train by myself.
