Page 175 of Breaking Point

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“Will what?”

His eyes open now, and the bottomless pit of despair steals my breath. “The pain. Will it ever go away?”

I kneel beside the bed and roll my lips to give myself time. The truth is, I don’t know. It’s the thing I fear the most, that if my mom passes, I’ll be left with a gaping hole so large it will never be able to be repaired.

But Grayson doesn’t need to know that.

“Your love for your brother is so big and beautiful, Grayson, that I think you will always carry it with you.” My finger traces his sharp jawline, the stubble of his five o’clock shadow tickling my skin. “You’ll feel that ache, but the pain will get lighter, and hopefully with time you can think back on the happy memories you had with him and cherish them.” I lean forward, my heart urging me to soothe the hurt in his. I plant a featherlight kiss on his forehead, emboldened that he won’t remember this in the morning, and whisper, “One day you’ll wake up and realize it’s not debilitating anymore, that it’s just a phantom ache you can live with.”

His eyes pool with silver. “But how can I do that when I’m the one who took his life? How can I move on with his blood onmy hands?” His voice cracks on the last word, a tear spilling down his cheek. Before I can respond, his lip wobbles as he confesses, “I wish it were me. I wish it were me that died that day. It already feels like I did, but the world keeps moving and I don’t know how to stop it.”

My vision blurs with tears. “Don’t say that, Grayson. Please don’t say that,” I plead.

“It’s the truth, though. I should have died that day. I’m a walking miracle they said…but I think it was my punishment to live on without him.”

“No one deserves to die, and you did not survive as a punishment,” I say vehemently. “If your brother was here, he would agree with me.”

“But that’s the thing, Blaze. He isn’t here.”

And with that Grayson closes his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks as he tumbles into a drunken slumber.

I need to know what happened. I need to know why he carries so much guilt.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I take a seat on the chair in the corner and pull my phone out.

GOOGLE SEARCH

Search:Grayson Crawford’s brother’s death

Chapter 45

Grayson

KIERAN ASHFORD

dude

text your girl back before she goes into cardiac arrest

I get why you’re not talking to anyone on this day

don’t push her away

I love you cap

here whenever you want to talk

judgement free as always

My body is punishing me. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. My head is splitting in half. My body is shaking and my stomach is rolling.

And I deserveeveryounce of it.

Two months down the drain. All that hard work. Gone.

Usually when I wake up hungover like this, I would start drinking to combat the guilty feelings, but now I have to just lie in bed and allow it to consume me. This weekend proved that I canneverdrink again.

The next time I feel pain, I need to not turn to alcohol.