Page 114 of Hoax and Kisses
“A man of many talents.”
He pinches my side, and I buckle my knees to my chest, giggling.
His face turns from amused to adoring between one heartbeat and the next. “That sound. Your laugh might be my favorite sound in the entire world. That should say a lot, considering you came twice tonight, both times with my name on your lips.” He wraps a hand around my waist and drags me on top of him. “Do you know why?”
I rest my chin on his chest, peering up at him. “Why?”
“Because you reserve those just for me. Every time you laugh like that, I feel like the luckiest guy on earth.” He pokes at the dimple in my cheek with one finger. “You put up a front for the rest of the world. You don’t show them how extraordinary you are. The real you. But for some reason, you let me see it all.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb, his other hand splayed over the small of my back. “The most tender sides of you. The most vulnerable ones. And those fucking beautiful smiles. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, why you chose me of all people to open up to like this, but I swear to you, beautiful, I will nevertake this for granted. Not for one second. I’ll spend every waking moment working to earn more of that laughter.”
My heart picks up its pace, matching the way his thuds against my arms. “You talk like we have an infinite number of days ahead of us,” I whisper.
“Don’t we? Come on, Zoé—” He scrambles to sit up without releasing me. “Don’t we?” he asks again as he guides me to straddle him. “Tell me you’re not thinking of staying. Tell me I’m wrong.” His fingers tighten on my waist on the last word, as if he can’t accept the opposite. Can’t bear to consider it.
His eyes search mine, pleading and full of hope. Yet, he knows the answer.
I tuck his hair behind his ear, then scrape my nails against his scalp lightly, relishing the way he twitches between my legs.
“Of course I’m thinking about it. I picture myself here every minute of every day.” I tilt his face to mine. “But I have so much resting on my shoulders. And I don’t know how to deal with all of it.”
He presses a hand to my heart. “What does it say here?”
I bite my lip, knowing how much he will hate my next words. “My heart isn’t the problem.”
Or maybe it is, because without it, I wouldn’t be in this mess.
His brow furrows. “What about that program you brought up today? Isn’t it something you want to explore?”
I roll off his lap and wrap myself in his sheets, covering my body and my fears.
This is all too much. I feel backed into a corner, like a stray cat that’s spent too many years roaming the streets to understand what’s best for its own good. That’s the downside of letting someone in, isn’t it? I’ve given him the power to force me to face my truths.
“It’s a possibility. I’d love to do it. I just don’t know how to work it out with the company. With my dad.”
I’m fucking scared. I need you to understand, please. This is a risk I never thought I’d consider taking before I met you. You make me want to be myself, and the consequences terrify me.
“You’ll always be caught in the middle, Zoé,” he says, voice thick. “And I can’t put my heart on the line for someone who isn’t sure whether she wants to stay.”
“Why do you care so much?” I burst out.
A flicker of shock crosses his face. I can’t blame him. My words catch me off guard too.
I lower my head. “Why does it matter so much if I stay or if I go back to my old life?”
He reels back, and instantly, my stomach sinks.
It was such a stupid thing to say. I didn’t mean any of it, yet I used his insecurities against him. Played on his trauma, stomped on the tidbits of his heart he shared with me, hoping I’d keep them safe.
He looks down, a frustrated sigh escaping him. “How does it not matter to you? How can itnot? Is it all in my head?” His words are like shrapnel, each one tearing through me. “Am I the only one who can’t sleep at night because I toss and turn, thinking of you? Unable to focus because you consume me? Am I the only one whose pulse picks up every time a text notification comes through, who smiles like an idiot at every message? I care so fucking much if you go back because if you do, you’re not here. With me. Making my life brighter in a thousand different ways. Because if you go, some piece of my heart goes with you, and it’ll be so much harder to live. Because I—I—”
He stumbles over the words, surprise flickering on his face. Then he clamps his mouth shut, his eyes following closely behind, and sighs.
My heart lurches.Because Iwhat?Tell me. Tell me something I’ve never felt before.Something I’ve dreamed you might feel for me.
“You what?” I plead.
He holds my gaze. “I… like you.”
I scoff, his answer landing with a thud. “I told you I have a lot of baggage,” I manage, though my voice wavers. “I told you my job was my life.”
