Page 51 of Hoax and Kisses
“Thank you.” I settle down and pick up one hot chocolate while Matt gets busy unpacking the basket. “Will you be upset if I take a sip before you join me? It smells so good.”
He turns to me, his lips kicked up on one side. “Not at all. Go ahead while it’s still hot.”
I press my mouth to the plastic lid and tilt the cup slowly. The moment the sweetness of the chocolate registers, a moan rumbles out of me.
“Oh god, this is good.”
I take a second sip, savoring the rich flavor, unable to hold back another embarrassing noise.
When was the last time I had hot chocolate? Probably when I was five or six, maybe? Back when it was still considered “age appropriate,” as my dad liked to say. I can’t believe I gave up something so simple, so ridiculously comforting, all on my own.
A lump forms in my throat, my eyes stinging as I bring the cup to my lips again.
A freaking hot chocolate.
And for what? For work? To please my father?
Matt exhales a chuckle as he rifles through the basket. “We said we’d take it slow. If you continue making those sounds, people will—”
He turns to me and stops cold. In a heartbeat, he’s next to me, his fingers pressing on my arms. “Hey, Zoey, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing,” I say, half crying, half laughing. If he didn’t think I was crazy before, he definitely does now.
He cups my cheeks, forcing me to look at him as he wipes away a tear.
“Tell me,” he whispers, unruffled by the yo-yo of my emotions.
“It’s silly.” Fingers tightening around the plastic cup, I shake my head. “You’re going to laugh at me.”
“I would never do that.”
Gosh, this is mortifying. Crying in front of my mom is embarrassing enough, but in front of a man I just met? Is the deal really worth more than my dignity? I didn’t even know I could cry like that anymore.
Vision blurry, I lift my chin and steady my voice the best I can. “I can’t remember the last time I drank hot chocolate.” I sniffle. “If I can’t recall something as simple as that, what else have I erased from my life? What else have I missed out on? I couldn’t even order for myself back there because I don’t know what I like. I got overwhelmed by the possibilities and the unknown.”
I exhale harshly.Get it together. You’re a fucking grown woman, not a child.
“Sorry,” I say. “That was a lot. I’m not doing well with our ‘no getting personal’ rule, am I?”
“Don’t apologize.” His thumb draws circles on my cheek in a soothing pattern, the warmth of it lingering like soft aftershocks. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed. I feel that way all the time.”
“You’re very good at hiding it,” I murmur.
He laughs, low and deep. “I’m not. But the goal shouldn’t be to hide what we feel. If a hot chocolate leads to an eye-opening moment for you, that’s okay. It doesn’t matter what brought that realization to your mind. All that matters is what you learn from it and what you choose to do next with that knowledge.”
I’m too stunned to reply. I wish somebody had said that to younger Zoey, when she was fighting back tears for fear of being yelled at because “women will never be taken seriously if they’re always crying or showing emotions.”
Matt lowers his hand to his lap.
“Thank you,” I say, pushing the words past the knot in my throat as I dry my tears.
“Nothing to thank me for.” He tilts his head toward the screen where the movie has started. “Should we watch?”
“Yes, great idea.” I take a deep breath, centering myself.
He settles next to me and drapes a blanket over my shoulders.
I grasp the edges and tighten it around me. “Thank you.”
