Page 85 of Hoax and Kisses
Or maybe I’m not ready to accept that it does.
“Don’t,” he says, watching me.
“What?” I shoot back.
A shadow crosses his face, yet his gaze remains on me as he says, “Don’t downplay this.”
“Why?”
He raises a brow. “Why? Because there was nothing fake about that kiss, Zoey. Just so we’re clear.”
Why is it so hard for you to believe him? Why do you always self-sabotage?
And how does he read me so well?
“It doesn’t make sense, though,” I start. “I’m not… I mean, you saw what I—” I huff, scrambling to find the right words.
His attention doesn’t falter.
Nothing remotely coherent is coming to me, so I give up. “It’s just… why?”
With a soft chuckle, he sits back in his chair. But his expression sobers when he sees I’m being serious. “Why what?”
“Why would you want to have anything to do with me?” My voice cracks on the last word.
The moment the question leaves me, I glance down at my fingers wrapped around the mug, wishing I could take it back. That single sentence was loaded with way too much baggage.
“Are you on some sort of public-enemy list that would make me liking you a very questionable choice?” He gasps. “Am I attracted to acriminal?”
Liking you. Attracted.
He’s throwing these out so casually, like they don’t shake me to my core.
I keep reminding myself not to let my guard down, that at any moment, the other shoewilldrop. But then he says stuff likethat, and the idea of protecting my heart sounds like a joke I’m only playing on myself.
“No, no, of course not,” I huff out. I try to regain my footing, but the floor is still wobbling under my feet.
Liking you. Attracted.
“Then why would it be so surprising that my feelings could be real?” he asks, his voice weakened by the vulnerability he’s offering me.
“Maybe because the men in my life have always shown me that they’re incapable of handling me,” I blurt before I can think better of it.
So why should Matt be willing to?
Actually, no, whywouldhe? Of his own free will?
Nah. I work my ass off and have very little time to give to others. It wasn’t enough for Jake or any of the insecure men I dated before, so why would it be for Matt?
Though… In the last two weeks, I’ve hardly done any work. Come to think of it, the “work” I’ve done has consisted solely of spending time with Matt to get into the town’s good graces. I can spin that any way I want, say I’m doing it to get the lodge off the ground, to convince my father I can take over, to woo the shareholders. The list goes on. I’ve got all the excuses in the world. But the reality is that being with Matt is effortless. It doesn’t feel like work at all. And every morning, I wake up wondering what new things he’ll show me and how I can make the most of this limited time with him.
I don’t know whether this version of me has always been there, waiting to be coaxed out by him, or if it’s who I’ve become around him, but either way, it’s freeing. To expose another side of me, the side that exists outside my work. The side that’s been muzzled for too long.
I hope you’ll find someone worth your time one day.
The words Jake spat at me seconds before slamming the door behind him echo in my head. At that moment, I’d rolled my eyes, angry at his inability to recognize that he was the one who’d put us in this situation by cheating. But now, as I study Matt, who’s still mulling over what I said, those words take on a new light.
“Is that what they made you believe? That you were too much to handle?” he asks, breaking the silence. The weight of his gaze makes me shift in my chair.
