Page 21 of Breakpoint
Dani held up her hand with a puzzled look. “So let me get this straight. You listen to audiobooks before you go out on the court with thousands of people? What genre?”
Most people thought athletes all listened to hip-hop or something hardcore to get them pumped up and ready for battle. Not Jaz. “Mainly fiction, but any genre that is well written. A good story takes my mind off what I’m about to do, and I’m transported into that world. It’s a way for me to clear my mind from the chaos of competitions and get in the zone. To quiet all the noise and know that woman on the other side of the net can’t fuck with me. And I play even better when listening to a good book because I want to get off the court faster, so I know what happens next.”
Dani smirked and shook her head. “Wow, just wow. You learn something new every day with Jaz Mason.”
“I love to read and being on the road on tour can be lonely, so I’m always reading something to keep me entertained and calm. I have sooo many books in my library.”
“Is your library at another house? I haven’t seen a room here with any books.”
Jaz’s library was her sanctuary. She didn’t just share it with anyone. But they had become closer over the last few weeks. She and Dani talked more after each lifting and hitting sessions about training and tactics. They ate lunch together most days instead of going their separate ways and even had dinner together at night. And those conversations often went beyond strategy but about the struggles of life on tour, their favorite tournaments and issues with certain sponsors.
They were finding a common ground and Jaz was enjoying having someone else around. She turned to look at Dani, who seemed genuinely interested in learning more about her. That made her decision.
“Here, come with me.” She took Dani by the hand and pulled her inside the house and past the formal living room she never used, into her office. She walked behind her desk and stood near the floating shelves. She turned to Dani, who looked intrigued as well as confused because she obviously didn’t see a library, just five books on a shelf. At that moment, Jaz wondered how this woman, whom she’d been ready to throttle not even four months ago, had become someone she wanted to share personal details with.
Well, here goes nothing.Jaz pulled on one of the books and the walled cracked opened to a new room. It was the reason she bought this house. A secret hidden room with all the things she cherished most, her books. The room was only about one hundred and fifty square feet, but hundreds of books lined each wall. She had a plush blue sofa with a soft checked rug underneath it against one wall. This was where she would kick back and escape the world with her favorite books.
Dani finally stepped inside, mouth wide open. “Holy fucking shit. This is a lot of books.” Dani ran her fingertips along the spines. Some of the authors she had heard about but never read. There was Toni Morrison, James Baldwin, Alice Walker, Jane Austen, and even John Grisham and Stephen King.
“A good book takes away my anxiety about playing.”
“You have anxiety? You seem so calm out there, like nothing affects you. They call you a machine.” Dani sat down on the couch in the room, making herself comfortable in Jaz’s favorite spot. And honestly, Jaz didn’t mind it.
“Well, the machine moniker and persona were something my sport psychologist, Emily, helped me craft to deal with my anxiety. I never started out to have this career or dream that I would ever have these numbers. But when you start winning, you become the favorite, and people expect you to win all the time. The pressure and expectations became suffocating, but winning was a hard drug to turn away from, especially when I actually am better than everyone else. The persona helps me know that the woman across the net can’t touch me. It allows me to feel uber-confident against everyone. To go out there and steamroll anything in my path. Ithelped me to get used to the pressure of being the favorite at every tournament.”
Mike had suggested Emily when he first started coaching Jaz. She had a tendency to get in her own head and let all the outside noise affect her. Emily came in to navigate the turbulent waters of Jaz’s mind. She helped her manage the pressure, deal with the highs and lows of the tour, and maintain her focus.
“Do you really think a sports psychologist helps? It seems so, so not like you,” Dani asked.
Jaz went to lean on a wall opposite Dani. “Or who you thought I was?”
Dani gave her a hat tip. “Touche.”
“Like I mentioned before, tennis at this level was as much a mental game as a physical one, and Emily was crucial in keeping my head in the game. Every match was a battle, not just against the woman across the net, but against the constant pressure, the weight of expectation. Being the top-ranked American woman is a coveted title, and every opponent had me in their crosshairs. I’m expected to win, but at the same time, the world is watching and waiting for me to falter, to show a crack in the armor.”
Dani looked circumspectly at Jaz. “Maybe I’ve never really felt that type of pressure. I get an adrenaline rush before matches, but it never overwhelms me.”
“What did you do in college, then? You were the best player in the country. You didn’t feel pressure to sustain that?” Jaz wondered.
A quick answer came from Dani. “I partied. Sometimes I even played better with a slight buzz still in me.”
Jaz was taken aback by that response. “Well, you can’t do that now. Raw talent will only get you so far.”
“Why not? I still like to go out and party. Have a few drinks, enjoy the fun, and the spoils of my career. It can’t be all work and no fun, Jaz.”
“Why not? Winning is fun.” Jaz smiled at herself. “Hell, I should have had more wins. But that’s the perfectionist in me.”
“But you win all the time. What do you have besides that?” Before she could respond, Dani continued, “Though I understand having to live up to expectations. With my family name, people expect certain things of me and to be automatically dominant like my parents.”
Jaz nodded in agreement. “The pressure is real. There’s so much, and not just on the court, but to being famous. I’m sure you can tell that I don’t enjoy being a celebrity and well known. When I started winning suddenly, sponsors clamored for my attention. I wanted to just escape it. With Emily's suggestions I’ve won ten Grand Slams.”
Dani laughed. “That was a humble brag.”
“I don’t need to brag when I’m that good, Dani,” she replied honestly.
Jaz heard before she saw the sharp intake of breath and a shocked look on her face. “You called me Dani and not Daniela.”
Jaz blushed and shrugged one shoulder. “Well, that’s what your…friends call you, right?” It felt like a struggle for Jaz to even say the words friends.
