Page 51 of Breakpoint
Jaz crossed the room and stood in front of her. She lifted her hand to touch her, but thought better of it. “Dani, as much as I don't like Chris, and will be happy to see him go. He’s right about one thing. You need to think about your career. You’re just starting to make a name for yourself.”
She wasn't even ready to go there with Jaz. “I can’t believe you lied to me. A woman who is so direct and honest, it's sometimes hurtful. This is what you choose to keep to yourself?”
“Dani, I was going to tell you,” she declared remorsefully.
“When?”
“Soon. Kira and I were handling it.” Jaz’s voice cracked, a vulnerability she rarely showed. “We’re trying to pay this guy off.”
“But what are you going to do once we pay him off? These things don’t go away,” Dani wondered aloud with exasperation. Unless they completely stayed away from each other or lived in a bubble indoors, someone else would spot them together at some point. The whispers would eventually start on the tour and in the locker rooms as well.
“Nothing. We’re going to deflect and deny,” she stated flatly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
A deep sadness settled over her features at her lover’s words. “So you’re just going to deny our relationship forever?”
“Dani, all the important people know about us. Why does the world need to know what we are to each other? Our life together is none of their business,” Jaz argued with desperation in her voice.
She remembered Jaz telling her that nothing was more important than tennis. That she picked tennis over Lena and essentially everything else. Dani asked the question she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer to. “Are you really worried about my career? Or is this only about you? And yours?”
“Don’t you see, it’s both of ours!” Jaz shouted, her voice echoing throughout the room.
Dani stood, hands on her hips, her chest heaving. “You admitted you kept your relationship with Lena a secret. I refuse to be some person hiding in the shadows for you, some dirty little secret. I will not be Lena. I’m worth more than that.”
“No, you’re not Lena. But you don’t understand. Our lives are different. I’ll always be the older, black, predatory woman who took advantage of you, no matter what we say. The disparity in our careers doesn’t do us any favors. The hate mail, the whispers, the…the…everything? I’m already a Black woman in a sport dominated by white people.”
Dani stood with her hands on her hips. “You know, you asked me to tell you if you’re being patronizing. You’re doing it right now. I’m not naïve, Jaz. I understand there’s aracial dynamic at play here, along with our age difference. But times are different than ten years ago when you were with Lena.”
Jaz shook her head and pulled out her ponytail, running a hand through her hair, a gesture Dani knew meant she was deeply stressed. “You just don’t understand, Dani.”
“Yes, I do,” she countered, her voice rising. “Instead of being outed by this fucker, we tell our own truth.”
“The truth doesn’t matter to the press!” Jaz shouted, her voice cracking. “They care about villains and victims. One of us is going to be cast in each role, either way.”
“If you don’t care what the media thinks, and why do you care now?” Dani shouted.
“I just choose not to give them everything. I’m not in the closet. I’m not hiding, but I don’t want to live my life in the spotlight any more than I have to.”
Dani scoffed, the sound laced with bitterness. “And I’m not worth that?”
“You’re twisting my words. Besides, if you’re so self-righteous, then why haven’t you come out? Oh yeah, to protect all your sponsors. You didn’t want to let them know that the daughter of tennis royalty is a lesbian,” Jaz retorted, her voice laced with a bitterness that made her flinch.
She couldn’t believe the claim Jaz had just made. “Wow, just wow.” She knew Dani wasn’t intentionally hiding anything about her life. She couldn’t help that the heteronormative world believed whatever they wanted to about her.
Jaz’s voice was softer now, pleading. “I’m just saying, we’re in different places in our careers and on different paths. You’re on your way up, and I’m on my way out soon.”
“Yes, we’re at two different stages, and a lot of the time we’ll be in two different places…”
“So maybe it’s just better if we cut our losses now,” Jaz murmured, her voice barely a whisper.
Dani wasn’t even sure she heard correctly, but those words couldn’t have come out of Jaz’s mouth. “What?”
“You’re so young and have such a bright future ahead of you, I can’t hold you back from that. From being the best.” Those caramel eyes that normally stared back at her with passion were now cloudy as she spoke.
“So your solution is to break up with me?” Dani felt a cold dread seep into her bones.
Jaz didn’t say anything, just stared at her, but the silence was heavy. The chasm between them felt wider than ever. Tears welled up in Dani’s eyes, the anger returning to her voice. “Well, you can continue to live in the closet forever. Some of us actually want to enjoy our lives beyond tennis.”
She turned to storm out of the apartment, the tears now falling freely. A wave of sadness washed over her. She unlocked her phone and called the one person she knew deep down would always be there for her.
