Page 52 of Breakpoint
The rain continued to pour outside. The dreary weather matched Dani’s mood. She sat on the floor of her rented apartment, throwing a tennis ball against the wall. The rhythmic thud in tandem with the rain outside, echoing the frustration churning within her.
What the hell had just happened?They went from a lazy morning to lies of omission, firing her agent, and a breakup. The pain in her heart was only balanced by all the thoughts swirling through her head.
And that she had to play in the US Open in a few days. In front of thousands of people.
Fuck my life.
The knock at the door brought her out of her despair. The tennis ball almost hit her in the face when she took her eye off it and turned towards the sound.
Even though she had called hours ago, she was shocked how fast she got here. When she finally opened the door, the dam of tears broke. Again.
She fell into her mother’s arms. Brittany Kappas didn’t flinch at the wet splotches of tears and snot spreading across her silk blouse. She didn’t pull away from Dani’s messy, tear-streaked face. Dani hadn’t cried this much since she was a child, but in her mother’s arms, she found a raw, unconditional love that she had forgotten she desperately needed.
Brittany Kappas, with her blonde hair and green eyes, was still an imposing figure. At six feet tall, she hadn’t lost her athletic frame. The muscles in her arms, still toned though less defined than in her prime, shone as she wrapped her arms tightly around her onlychild. She just held her with a silent promise of unwavering support.
It had been a moment of pure instinct, dialing the number she hadn’t called in months. A number she’d subconsciously avoided. The voice on the other end was hesitant, cautious when she picked up.
But when Dani said, “Mom,” with a cracked voice, followed by hysterical crying, it was like the support she had gotten from her mom all her life came back. Upon hearing her mother’s legitimate and frantic concern for her well-being, Dani broke down and told her everything in one long rant. Jaz. The relationship. The video and photos. The breakup.
But most importantly, what she told her was that she needed her mom.
Brittany didn’t hesitate. She didn’t ask for any more details, didn’t offer platitudes, no recriminations, no I told you so. Only, “I’m booking a flight. I’ll be there soon, sweetheart.” Within hours, she was on a plane and then at her door. She was here when it felt like Dani’s world was falling apart.
Brittany moved her to sit on the couch in the living room. A warm hand, familiar and comforting, settled on her back, gently rubbing circles between her shoulder blades, while she cried. Her mom used to rub her back the same way when she was a kid.
No words were spoken. None were needed. Just the quiet presence, the steady rhythm of the hand on her back. The silent offering of solace. A mother, there for her daughter.
Dani leaned into the touch, the sobs slowly subsiding into hiccupping breaths. She looked down at the mountain of crumpledtissues that had somehow been created. After what felt like hours, but was likely only minutes, she finally pulled herself together to try to speak. Though her tears continued to fall.
“Do you want to talk about it some more?” she asked softly, pressing another soft and slightly crumpled tissue into her hand.
“It's crazy, Mom, it was like in the course of fifteen minutes, everything just fell apart.” She started through sniffles, her swollen eyes finally meeting her mom’s. “How did everything get so fucked up? Oh, shit…sorry for my language.” She winced, realizing it was the first time she had used profanity in front of her mother.
“It’s okay.” Her mom conceded with a laugh. “I think this situation allows you to use the word fuck and shit.”
Dani leaned back on the couch and blew her breath in a raspberry. “I just don’t know what to do, Mom. Adulting is hard.”
Brittany leaned back beside her. “You’ve always had good judgment, Dani, and knew the right thing to do. And what the right thing for you is.”
She hadn’t expected that statement from her mother, and anger dormant inside of her rose to the surface. “That’s not how you felt before.”
She didn’t mean to go there, but couldn’t help it. The hurt and tension of the past year were simmering. And at this moment, her emotions already raw, she couldn’t fake it.
Brittany’s face became red, but she didn’t turn away from the rebuke. “I deserved that.”
“I’m sorry to snap at you, but in the last year, everything about your actions has shown you didn’t trust me to do what I thought was right for my life.”
“That’s a fair point. And honestly, I truly thought you were making a mistake. All I ever wanted for you was to have a normal life and be a doctor or a teacher. Not the crazy one your dad and I were subjected to by being professional athletes. Where your entire worth is wrapped up in wins or losses.”
“But you introduced me to tennis. I fell in love with it because of you.”
“I know, but I also know what it is to be a professional tennis player. Tennis demands everything. Admittedly, it gave me so much, but it took a lot away from me, too. The travel, the missed milestones in people’s lives, and the wear and tear it put on my body. I didn’t want that for you. It’s lonely, so competitive, and it needs your one hundred percent focus. You have to be selfish to be great, and you, my baby girl, have always been the most giving person I know. I didn’t want you to feel the pressure I felt to succeed. It was suffocating. And I especially didn’t want you to have to deal with that type of pressure as a teenager, but to just enjoy being a kid.”
Her mother’s eyes were getting red-rimmed like hers. She had never been this open about her career and all the struggles that she went through. “I wanted you to get an education and after that, do whatever you want. I never got to do that. I dropped out of school at fifteen to turn pro. I didn’t want you to be put in a box, only to be known as a tennis player and have nothing else to fall back on if you didn’t succeed. Because most tennis players lose more than they win and struggle to make a living.”
Listening to her mom, she understood her fears, her parents’ desire to protect her. And truth be told, Dani had those same fearsas well. Because if she failed, she had no clue what she would do next. She had people who relied on her. Not Chris anymore, but Tom still depended on her for a paycheck. But she also knew she needed to figure that out herself and forge her own path, even if it meant defying her parents. And so far, she had been sort of successful and built a career on her own terms. She had won a top-tier tournament in Montreal, proving she wasn’t just some chick utilizing her family’s name to get ahead.
The tears that had been brimming in Brittany’s blue eyes finally fell, leaving dark mascara streaks down her cheeks. “But I’ve come to realize traveling here to see you that if I win every Grand Slam out there, which I have, but I’ve lost you, then I’ve done something wrong. I’m a public success and a private failure. And who wants public success, but at the cost of family…and my soul? Because when I picked up that phone and heard your voice, every part of me said everything else doesn’t even matter.”