Page 54 of Breakpoint
“Ha-ha.” She laughed and reached out to slap her hand against Dani’s arm in mock anger. “I’m glad I can bring some levity into your life.”
“No real talk, thank you for being here, Mom. When my life is falling apart.”
She gave her side eye at that. “Dramatic much. Your life is not falling apart, Dani.”
“Well, maybe my heart is torn to smithereens. Is that better? Jaz had been a part of everything great in my life over the last six months. She was the person I could talk to when shit was crazy. And now, I don’t know what to do about any of this, and I don’t have my best friend to talk to. I’ve got no agent, no girlfriend, but this intimate video and these photos are out there lingering.” Dani lay back on the couch again, lifeless.
She sat and stared at the ceiling, wondering what her life had come to. But she wanted to share what had been nagging her since Jaz said it, even though she was apprehensive about what it meant. She looked at her mom and whispered, “Jaz was right about something else. I could have come out publicly, but I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you? Your dad and I have known about your sexuality sincehigh school.”
“I don’t know, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever hidden it. But now, looking back, maybe I did. And that’s not what I want. I know this may not apply to every queer person, but for me, I would much rather live freely and be an example for the world versus not saying anything and being outed.”
Brittany smiled at her proudly. “So then continue to live your truth, sweetheart.”
“But what about this video and photos out there? Do I just sit around and wait for them to release it, then confirm it?”
“What have I always told you about tennis?” Dani looked at her mother, perplexed because she was in a crisis, and why was she changing the subject to tennis? “Sweetheart, it applies in life as well.”
“Don’t just try to exert your power but take theirs away.”
“Yes, take their power away. You do that by anticipating what your opponent is going to do next. Push through that uncertainty.”
“Huh.”
Then a light bulb went off, and she quickly leaned over to get her phone off the coffee table to dial Chris. Then she remembered she fired him and didn’t have an agent. She hoped this would neutralize him, too, because she had no doubt he could be vengeful and loved creating attention. She turned to her mother. “Do you still have connections in the media? Like with a reputable reporter?”
Brittany looked at her, confused. “Sure, I can easily make some calls.”
“Thanks, Mom, you’re the best.” She smiled, and at that moment, she truly meant it.
Brittany took her hands and clasped their fingers together. “Whatever you need from me, I’ve got you.”
These were the same hands that had braided her hair countless times when she was little. That had held her steady while showing her how to hit her first backhand. She was still hurting, the pain still a raw ache in her chest, but she wasn’t alone. Her mother had come through for her when she needed it the most. And somehow, knowing that made all the difference.
Chapter 16
The muted sound of the city filtered through the closed window of Jaz’s Queens' apartment. She lay on the plush, deep green velvet cream mid-century modern sectional, ice on her knees and her shoulder, while staring blankly at sports highlights on the television. The city air, thick with late summer humidity, did little to penetrate the stale quiet of the sparsely furnished room. The sun was shining brightly through the floor-to-ceiling windows, but she still felt the storms within. Because even though she had only been here a few weeks, everything around this place reminded her of Dani.
The window they made love against while overlooking the city. The couch she was currently sitting on, she remembered them cuddled up together while watching match film. The kitchen they attempted to cook dinner in but after another cooking disaster, ordered takeout and ate in the bed.
Their breakup, a mere few days before the start of the US Open, had been swift and brutal. Since then, there had been no communication. No text or calls. Just silence. Being on bad terms withDani made everything feel wrong. Jaz hadn’t tried to reach out but neither had Dani.
They were on opposite sides of the draw, so hadn’t really seen each other much at the tennis facilities. When Dani was playing and on site all day, Jaz was practicing or getting treatment and vice versa. But she couldn’t escape the chatter with the media asking questions or the highlights of Dani playing on the televisions in the locker rooms.
If she was being honest with herself, she not only missed her lover but more so her friend. She had never been this out of sorts, not even after her breakup with Lena, and they were together for five years. She’d never understood people who fell apart after a heartbreak, but she was getting it now. Her mind and body were going through the motions, but her heart wasn’t in it.
Even though she wasn’t feeling it, she still made the semi-finals. She wasn’t surprised she had made it this far. Jaz at seventy-five percent, was still better than the majority of the women on tour. She was taking her moniker to heart and being a machine on the court. A focused machine. With no feelings and no heart.
The broken-heartedness, the gnawing emptiness, locked away. Shoved into a dark corner of her mind. Reaching the semi-finals should have sparked elation, a surge of adrenaline, the familiar thrill of making it to the final four of a Grand Slam. One step closer to number nineteen and sitting alone in the record books at number three on the all time list, ahead of Kappas and only behind two other greats. Instead, a dull ache resided in her chest, mirroring the hollowness in her eyes.
The television on the wall replayed a highlight reel of her quarterfinal match. Her blistering forehand winner, a gravity-defying leap for a volley, and the roar of the crowd erupting. The Jaz on the screen was a force of nature. The Jaz in the room felt…empty. She was two matches away from another Grand Slam title, yet she felt further away from happiness than she ever had before.
The only part of her that felt something was thinking about Dani’s success here in New York City. Dani had been playing lights out in her section of the draw and also made it to the semi-finals without dropping a set. She was beyond elated for her, more so than her own success at the US Open. This was Dani’s best showing in a Grand Slam tournament. She was playing some of the best tennis of her short career and everyone was taking notice. She was the talk of New York City, the upstart from tennis royalty making a deep run at her home tournament.
If they both won their next match, they were on a crash course to meet in the finals. Jaz didn’t know if she could stand across that net and not only play against Dani but beat her. Not when every time she saw her on television, her heart ached.
She was brought out of her pity party when Brandon walked through the door. “Jazzy!” he screamed.
