Page 30 of Accidentally Falling For My Best Friend
He finally turns to look at me for that last part, and I let out a soft sigh, my tense muscles physically relaxing in response to his concerned expression. I can’t be mad at him. It sounds like he had good intentions of helping Aspen out with her family. And obviously I would have been really bummed to miss out on all of the time I’ve gotten to spend with him over the last few months.
I know Parker better than anyone else, and I’m confident that he didn’t keep this from me to hurt me. I take a deep breath in, counting to five as I do, and again as I let it out, trying to gather my thoughts before I respond.
The last two months since our kiss have been so confusing.This is just another thing to add to the list.I’ve completely refused to acknowledge how often I’ve thought of that moment we shared, or how many times I’ve caught myself checking Parker out since then. I’ve also found myself looking at other guys in the gym or when we’re out at restaurants too.
I’ve come to a sort of hazy acceptance that I’m bi. That I’ve probably been ignoring the signs for years in favor of what I’ve always thought to be true. But I haven’t told anyone else about the new label I’m claiming.
Has Sage been dealing with a similar realization?
I don’t think I would have understood before kissing Parker, but now, I can appreciate that Aspen, and most likely Sage, are dealing with their own confusing feelings. I don’t know their own situations well enough to completely judge them and what happened here tonight, if it was a spur of the moment thing or if it’s been building and something finally snapped. But I feel like I’ve gotten to know Aspen well enough to believe she didn’t mean to hurt anyone with her fake relationship with Parker.
Apparently, she’s been in love with my girlfriend this whole time, but I’ve had some not-so-innocent thoughtsabout my own best friend recently, and Parker said she didn’t think Sage felt the same way, so I don’t think she ever thought we’d be in this situation. I don’t believe she’s been scheming to steal my girlfriend or anything malicious like that.
“Are you mad at me?” Parker finally whispers and that snaps me out of my introspection.
“No, I could never be mad at you, Park,” I assure him. “Just trying to wrap my head around all of the new info.”
“I should have told you the full truth,” he insists, but I cut him off.
“Parker, you’re right. You’ve never really talked about your past hookups, so that isn’t new. Still, I should have known something was up when I never heard you guys through our thin walls, but I think I just assumed we were all on the same schedule or something,” I say with a nervous chuckle, not willing to admit how much I’m enjoying the way his cheeks darken at the implication that Ihaveheard him in the past. “I’ve had a great time dating Sage the last few months, but I’ll be honest, I have no idea what our relationship would look like outside of the four of us spending time together. Maybe that means it wasn’t actually that great of a relationship…” I trail off, voicing my thoughts as I have them.
To be honest, I’m not all that upset about the idea of ending things with Sage. I was more upset about being cheated on, that feeling of embarrassment and betrayal that instantly flared when I saw them kissing. It wasn’t so much about Sage specifically but about the situation in general.
I hurry to eat another taco as I contemplate how uninvested I actually am in my girlfriend. She’s smart, kind, and funny, but the best things about her all point back to Parker. That she didn’t care how close we are, that she had her own best friend to understand how important our friendship is to me, that her best friend was dating Parker, so we got to spend so much time all together. I’vefantasized about the four of us advancing through different stages of life together, getting married at similar times, finding houses next to each other, raising kids all together.
I’m upset about the loss of that daydream, but maybe not for the reasons I should be.
It would have been perfect.
Except for the fact that Aspen is in love with Sage. Sage kissed Aspen tonight, so clearly there’s more going on there. Aspen and Parker were never really dating. And I can’t stop thinking about the one kiss Parker and I shared months ago. There hasn't been a day since then that I haven’t thought about how amazing it felt to be on top of him, exploring each other’s mouths and bodies in a way that we never had before.
But even now, in this night of shocking confessions, he hasn’t mentioned our kiss once. I’m the only one still stuck on it, and I seriously need to move on.
So, yeah, not so perfect after all.
But what the fuck does that mean for us all going forward?
The door to Aspen’s room swings open down the hall. “Is it okay if we join you?” Sage asks, and I nod before the girls hesitantly sit with us at the table. They’re both fighting grins, and I have a feeling their talk was a little more dramatic than the one Parker and I had.
“I’m so sorry, Oakley,” Sage starts, and I can’t even be mad at her either. I don’t have it in me, not with the way they both look so excited and happy. Sage has never looked at me like that. I’m not an angry person and I usually let things slide pretty easily so I can focus on the positives, despite knowing that, I feel like I should probably be mad at someone tonight, and I’m just…not.
“Are you guys together now?” I guess.
“I swear I wasn’t lying to you, or trying to hurt you,” Sage rushes to explain. “I’ve had a great time dating you. But I think I’ve been lying to myself for a long time. I’vealways been so drawn to Aspen, and I told myself that it was just because of our friendship, but I think maybe it’s always been more than that. I had no idea she felt the same way.” By the time she finishes talking, the girls are staring at each other with such adoration and love that I can’t believe I never suspected anything between them before tonight.
I’ve probably been so used to dismissing everyone who’s questioned me and Parker, that I didn’t stop to consider that it could actually be true for them.
Even though I’ve been thinking a lot about my own best friend and our relationship recently, he’s given me no indication that our situation could be like theirs, so I won’t entertain the idea.
I need to focus on what’s happening and stop fantasizing about my straight best friend dammit.
“I’m not mad,” I finally admit. “I was upset about how this all came out, but it sounds like it wasn’t some conspiracy to hurt me. If you guys will be happier together then I wish you the best. I don’t want to be dating someone who would be happier with someone else.”
“So what does this mean for our arrangement?” Parker asks Aspen.
“Fuck… I don’t know.” Her eyebrows are scrunched together, and she’s picking at her nail polish, looking far more worried now that she’s been reminded about that. “My father still owns a huge part of my company, I’m worried that he’ll try to sabotage it if he finds out I’m with a woman. I’d love to have some time to try to convince him to let me buy him out before it actually happens.”
Sage reaches across the table, squeezing Aspen’s hand that's resting on it. “We’ll figure it out. We won’t let him ruin everything you’ve built.”
