Page 46 of Accidentally Falling For My Best Friend
“Asexual?” I ask after a second, not super confident, but I’ve been friends with the Caldwells for long enough to have attended a few Pride events, and I think I’ve heard that word used.
“Yeah,” he says, his whole face lighting up. “Do you know what that label means?”
“Sorry, no.” I’m sure my confused expression is making it clear that I’m not following this conversation, but Adrian just keeps smiling at me.
“I’m no expert, but there’s a whole umbrella of labels andidentities that fall under the Ace spectrum, and I think what you just described might fit,” he says. He’s tucked his feet under his legs on the chair and is bouncing a little as he talks, like he’s excited to tell me more. “Asexual people don’t experience sexual attraction. There’s also gray asexual, when someone does experience sexual attraction, but only rarely, or under certain circumstances.”
I’m staring at him with my mouth hanging open in shock, my confusion starting to morph into relief with every word out of his mouth. I’ve been so lost trying to understand what’s been going on with me for the last few months, unsure why I was suddenly so attracted to Oakley after all of this time, wondering if I was broken. I’ve considered that I might be bi, or gay, but I didn’t think to consider the other orientations. What Adrian is describing certainly sounds closer to what I’ve been going through than anything else I’ve heard of.
“I’m probably about to piss you off, so I’m still not going to say names even though we both know you and a certain friend of yours have been acting weird around each other formonths,” he says dramatically like he’s about to share juicy gossip. I’m not confirming anything, but I don’t stop him either.
“If my hunch is correct, then I think the term you might want to start looking into is demisexual. It’s when someone only experiences sexual attraction after there’s an established emotional connection. There aren’t rules on when the attraction changes, my understanding is that it's different for everyone. But, if my guess is right about who your new-found attraction is to, then there could be a deeper emotional connection,” he says, raising his brows and giving me a smug grin.
Then it’s like he remembers something because his expression falls and he moves again, sitting properly in the chair and pulling it in closer so that he can grip my hand where it’s resting on my desk. He meets my gaze, expression serious. “Thosearen’t the only identities in the spectrum, and there are a lot of people who don’t need a specific label, but if any of that sounds familiar, I hope you already know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”
I still have questions, but this feels important, like for the first time those questions might have answers. His confirmation that there isn’t anything wrong with me makes my throat tighten, and his words feel like they’re starting to untangle the knot in my chest.
“Just so you know, I’m respecting that we’re not talking about it, so I’mnotgoing to tell you how happy the two of you together makes me. I’m definitelynotgoing to tell you that it’s about damn time,” Adrian teases.
I give him a sad smile though, because I know whatever he’s picturing isn’t our reality. “It’s not like that,” I say with a shrug.
“What do you mean?”
“We’re not together,” I explain. I know that’s not exactly the truth, even if it’s true we aren’t dating. We did agree to continue hooking up, but I also don’t think we’re supposed to tell anyone. If our friends do find out, they would assume it meant more, and that’s not what Oakley’s agreed to.
“Oh,” he says sounding disappointed and his whole body visibly deflates. “Well, now I really want to ask questions.”
“That wasn’t the deal,” I tease, shaking my head.
“But, but, but,” he splutters, blinking up at me with big puppy-dog eyes.
“Nope, sorry that won’t work on me. Plus, there’s nothing more to tell,” I lie. Then I act like my sandwich requires all of my focus until he finally sighs in defeat and takes out his own lunch.
“Well, if you’re truly done talking, I suppose Icanupdate you on my hockey player,” he says with another huff. But I know he’s actually dying to talk about Hudson, so I laugh.
“Is your dream man ruined now that you’re sharing a space with him?”
“Ugh, I wish! It’s somehow worse. He’s fucking perfect: He’s clean, polite, and always offering to help me.”
“That sounds awful?” I say like it’s a question because I’m not sure where the “worst” part comes in.
“It is awful!” he insists. “Because he’s hot as fuck, and he walks around half-naked all the time. Plus, he has more muscles than you! It’s obscene. And then there’s the teasing. You know I flirt with all of the Werewolves players in my over-the-top, obviously joking way. Well, Hudson has always teased me back, it’sourthing.Now that we’re living together, he’s still doing it! And he’s straight! I don’t think my little gay heart can take it for much longer!”
“So ask him to stop,” I suggest.
“Stop what?”
“The teasing and the half naked thing. You’re helping him out by letting him stay with you, so you should still be comfortable in your own house.”
“Ugh, you’re one to talk,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes.Fair point. “But there’s no way I could ask him to stop. I’m loving every second of it,” he says, sounding exhausted.
“Sorry, Adrian,” I offer, wanting to support him, but unsure what he actually needs from me.
“Thank you! It’s really hard living with the perfect man,” he deadpans.
And I know he’s still joking about Hudson, but I can’t help but feel like I know exactly how difficult it really is.
23
