Page 57 of Accidentally Falling For My Best Friend
I don’t even want to think about what I would do if I lost Oakley himself. My job is all about calculating risks andplanning accordingly with the company’s finances. There’s just no need to risk everything when I already have so much that makes me happy just the way things are.
Being with him in private is already so much more than I ever thought I’d have for myself.
I try to focus back on the conversation we were having, making an effort to keep my tone light. “So, why have you been all mopey still if you know that I’m okay?”
I squeeze his hand and he finally looks up at me before muttering, “I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today.” He sits up a bit straighter. “I’m already bummed you won’t be here for Christmas.”
See he isn’t saying he wants more with me.He’s just upset we’ll miss our tradition with his family’s Christmas.
I squeeze his hand again, earning a sad smile. “I’ll only be gone for a few days and that isn’t happening for a whole month. Let's try to just enjoy this holiday, and we can stress about the next one another day.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Fine.”
“Stop with the eye rolls, brat,” I tease with a smile, and he finally perks up for real.
We spend a few minutes playing with Spot and Duke and the food is quickly announced as ready. Oak’s grandparents have a large formal dining room that’s off their living room, and for the amount of people that are here, they’ve added tables extending the dining table into the other rooms in order to fit everyone.
I sit with Oakley to my right, Adrian to my left, and Oakley finally returns to his normal happy self as we chat with his family and their friends. The food is delicious. I try not to overindulge in the carb-heavy options, but the turkey was prepared perfectly, and there’s a ton of veggies to choose from. We all go around the room to say what we’re thankful for, Adrian makes everyone laugh when he announces that he’s thankful for hockey butts, andI nearly choke when Oakley says he’s thankful for new experiences. I manage to find my voice in time to give my standard answer that I’m thankful that the Caldwells have always treated my mom and I like family, and she echoes the statement.
Other than Oakley’s little outburst, it's a picture-perfect holiday.
And really is it a family holiday without some sort of drama anyway?
27
OAKLEY
December
What is wrong with me?
Christmas is tomorrow and I should be wrapped up in blankets with hot chocolate after ice skating in Millennium Park. I should be enjoying the snow everywhere, walking through the city to take in the beauty of the lights twinkling on every tree and building. I should be watching Christmas movies or buying last minute presents for my family. I’ll have to go to my grandparent’s house soon, but I don’t even want to get out of bed. Parker would probably tell me that I’m acting like a brat with how dramatic I’m being, but it’s his fault I’m even acting like this.
Parker isn’t here.
He left super early this morning in a huge rush, so I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. Aspen actually woke us up, storming into my room in a panic after not finding Parker in his. Once she knew we were both okay, she muttered a very smug “I knew it,” before telling Parker he had one minute to be out thedoor. We must have both slept through his alarm and somehow she got into our condo.
I’m trying to suck it up and follow through with our plan without throwing some huge temper tantrum, but I’m only barely succeeding.
I miss my best friend, dammit.
But helping Aspen is making him happy, I try to remind myself. I take another deep breath and attempt to ignore the unwelcome thoughts about Parker.
What’s he doing with Aspen? Will he always want to be with me behind closed doors? What would he say if I told him I wanted to be more than a friends-with-benefits situation? If I admitted to wanting to publicly date him instead?
The final thought has been consuming far too much of my time over the last month. Before Thanksgiving, I had been happy enough going along with their plan. I liked the idea that Parker was making things easier for Aspen. I just didn’t realize that when he’d agreed to meet her family, it would mean I had to be away from him for Christmas.
But even finding that out, he’s seemed so all-in with publicly dating Aspen, and I can’t really wrap my head around why. How much longer does he plan to do it? He’s the one always confirming our plans with them, offering to include them in things we’re doing. He’s talked about how much they’ll like Bora Bora when we visit for the opening, but every time he brings it up, I want to stomp my foot and pout, “but Bora Bora isourthing!” and find an excuse to not invite them.
When I almost punched my brother for accidentally hurting Parker, I knew I had to stop ignoring my own feelings—that it was probably time to admit that I care about him in a way that I’ve never cared about anyone before.
I just don’t know how to tell him that.
But sitting here, alone, I can’t stop thinking aboutwho isn’t here. I can’t stop my thoughts from spiraling, questioning what I should do.Being away from him now has made it really difficult to pretend it isn’t so much more than that.
Maybe there’s a reason that I’vealwaysbeen so drawn to Parker. Even when we were younger, he’s always meant more to me than any of my other friends. He’s always been my person. Maybe I’ve always wanted him to be more.
Is that love? Am I in love with him?
