Page 109 of Mr. Aster
“No,” I exhaled away my frustration over my mother’s embarrassing behavior. “I’m smiling because I know how much this will amuse Darcy. You see, it was my charming girlfriend’s idea to raise the money by me, being the prized hog to be auctioned off at this benefit, and it wasn’t to just solely raise money for the winery.”
“Oh?” my mother pressed. “This is interesting. I thought she came up with the idea to impress you with her savvy business ideas even though she’s only a silly gossip columnist, writing about wealthy people she will never know anything about?”
“Wrong again,” I said, stepping back from my mother. “You see, she loves shit like this, putting me in uncomfortable positions just to get a rise out of me. She enjoys pulling me out of my comfort zone and proving that life is about more than just the boring shit you and my father exposed me to.”
“Oh, I see.Shehas caused you to make the foolish mistake of wasting your time by dating someone you know you can never marry?”
“Something like that,” I said, my eyes narrowing at her. “Regardless, I know you aren’t done with your games yet.” I studied her stern expression, “After that comment, I expect you’ve set aside a certain amount of money for this charade as well. You and Dad see me as the most important investment in our family, one that cannot be lost in marriage to a woman you disapprove of. I can almost guarantee that whoever wins a date with me tonight will have been offered a generous sum to steal me away from Darcy.”
“I believe you will get along very well with?—”
“Ah, ah,” I said, interrupting my mother. “Don’t ruin the surprise, Mother. I would rather see who wins the date to find out who you and Father wish to see me paired with. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must tell Darcy about your plans. Her laugh is one of the things I love most about her, and your plan will put her in stitches. I wouldn’t miss that for anything.”
“As you wish,” my mother stepped to the side, still cocky and confident in her decision.
I crossed the room, pointedly ignoring all the people trying to stop me to have a word.
“Hey, handsome,” Darcy said, her smile as radiant and beautiful as she was. “I’ve missed you.”
“No more than I have you,” I kissed her lips, then gently pulled her to the side. “Listen, there’s been a small change in plans.”
“What’s going on?” she said.
“My mother is what’s going on,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “She’s taken it upon herself to change the criterion for who’s being auctioned off tonight.”
“What do you mean? Why are you acting like—” She paused, and I nodded when I saw she understood. “No way,” she said, covering the smile I expected her to have in response.
“Yes, way,” I said, not as humored by the situation as Darcy.
“After everything you did to get out of this, too,” Darcy responded, completely losing it in laughter and shaking her head. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry for laughing, but I can’t believe the irony. I know this isn’t funny to you, but I can’t help it.”
“You can’t help it?” I couldn’t resist laughing with her. Darcy’s amusement was delightful, and I wasn’t lying when I told my mother how much I loved to watch her laugh.
Her eyes were pooling with tears, “Shit, man. Everything you’ve done to avoid this damn auction block, and your mother found a way to put you up there anyway?”
“Now that you see what my mother is capable of, do you understand why I was El Diablo the asshole when we first met?”
“I absolutely do, but I don’t understand your mother’s lack of sanity,” Darcy answered, pulling herself back together. “What the hell is wrong with her?”
“She’s completely lost her goddamn mind,” I answered. “The cover for this fucking event was priced at five hundred grand becauseIwould be auctioned off for a date.”
Darcy lost her shit again, and as frustrating as it was that the woman was showing no sympathy for my inconvenience, it was amusing at the same time.
“You’re not upset about this at all?” I questioned. I was surprised because my late wife would’ve burned the place to the ground if this had happened to her.
“No,” she said. “I feel sorry for you, but I don’t know what I feel worse about, you being auctioned off after busting your ass to avoid it or that your mother is batshit crazy.”
“Feel sorry for me on both accounts,” I said with a smile. “And you might want to feel sorry for yourself later tonight after I tear up your cute little ass in bed. You look ravishing.”
She arched a flirty eyebrow at me. “You mean this old thing?” she teased, posing sexily in her floor-length gown and giving a quick twirl. “Oh, and I’m going to hold you to that threat.”
“Oh, it’s not a threat. It’s a promise,” I informed her.
“We’ll have to wait and see, I guess,” she bantered. “I’m curious about how much money my man will pull in. This is the perfect time to find out what you’re worth, you know?”
“Now that you put it what way, I feel like a piece of meat,” I said.
I was suddenly and unexpectedly in Darcy’s embrace, and she brought her lips to my ear. “If you bring in more than a million,” she whispered, her warm breath igniting my dick with excitement, “I might let you get some backdoor action if youknow what I mean.” She erupted into laughter, and it was clear she didn’t have a serious bone in her body tonight.
