Page 123 of Mr. Aster
“Come on, now,” I said, sighing. “I told you the truth about how the relationship came to be. We didn’t fall for each other at first sight. We hated each other.”
“I know, I read that cute article you wrote,” she chuckled. “That’s why I said it happened so fast. I’ve heard of people falling in love from eating grasshoppers like popcorn in Mexico, but love will take time to evolve with a man like Sebastian and his dark and tragic past.”
I inhaled deeply. “This shouldn’t be complicated!” I nearly growled, frustrated I allowed myself to fall for him with the belief that all the obstacles in our way were removed. “But it is. He is. All this shit is, and you know what?”
My voice kept rising in frustration, and if I wasn’t careful, my mother would throw me into an hour-long meditation session to clear outany blockages,and I didn’t need that shit right now, either. I needed to just get out of here.
“What, dear?” she said calmly. “I hate seeing you like this.”
“I hate it, too,” I said in annoyance. “It’s not who I am to feel this way. I didn’t ask for this shit, to feel anything for the man. In fact, I was completely and unashamedlyagainstthis guy.”
“That’s what makes your love for one another so adorable,” Mom said with a sigh that pissed me off even more.
“How thefuckis that adorable?” I argued. “It’s what pisses me off about it, and him,andme for falling for him. I was perfectly happy and content in my life, just how it was. Now, look at me. I don’t even have an appetite for Ines’s empanadas. Sebastian should burn for that offense to me alone.”
My mom covered a smile, “Honey.”
“Don’thoneyme. I’m frustrated as hell. I hate feeling like this.”
“Like what, exactly? Sebastian is even in the market to find you two a place to live.”
“I know. That’s the confusing part,” I sighed. “I’m with a man who is passionate about us one minute, and the next, he seems a million miles away. None of it makes sense. One minute, he wants to live together; the next, I’m waiting for him to drop the hammer, break it off with me, and move home. My nerves will explode if I stay in this constant state of not knowing.”
“Then why don’t you ask him?”
“Because that’s the most frustrating part about this…” I paused and closed my eyes, preparing to admit what I’d been avoiding. “I’m afraid he’ll just break it off.”
“Oh, dear,” she said, concern thick in her voice. “Darcy, you must never allow a man to have so much control over you. This is a form of codependency that makes me wonder if your father and I did something in your early childhood?—”
“I’m not doing the childhood trauma song and dance right now,” I said firmly. “I’m not doing the abandoned by my real dad I never met shit, either. It might have everything to do with my reaction to Sebastian’s bullshit, but that’s why I need to get away from here. I can’t see him daily, longing for the affection I once got from him so freely. I can’t wonder when or if he’s going to dump my ass over his damn trauma,” I paused and raised a finger in the air, “which Iknowhe is riddled with, and yet, I dared to trust him with my heart anyway. I just need to leave and clear my head. I need to.”
It was painful to be around Sebastian these days. The man was utterly shut down, and I was very uncomfortable because it triggered something inside me that made me want to fix him instead of running away like a well-adjusted woman would. Ididn’t like his faults, but I liked my own even less, and they were staring me in the face. Maybe I was more upset with myself than I was with him. I only had control over my actions and reactions, so I needed to use that power on myself and stop trying to use it on him.
“Where are you going to stay?”
“Where do I always stay when I work in Los Angeles?” I said with annoyance.
“Well, I hope Juniper puts you in a decent hotel.”
“Don’t worry about my boss or my job. He could pitch a tent for me on Skid Row, and I’d still have better company than I’ve been dealing with here.”
“Just go find your smile again, sweetheart,” my mom said with a quick pat on my cheek.
“I will, and thank you, Mom,” I said and then worked to get my ass out of the place before Sebastian returned from the winery and started asking questions. Part of me wondered if I was being childish, but I seriously didn’t care.
My nerves were shot to shit, and there was nothing to miss between Sebastian and me since all this started weeks ago when he was irritated by my recommendation of going to the zoo or whatever the hell set him off that morning. Things had only gotten more strained and bizarre between us since then, and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it anymore.
Maybe Mom was right, and the winery was his problem. It didn’t matter anymore. I wanted a change of scenery and vibe, and this wasn’t the place for that. I knew my parents would have their own stressors once the weekend was here and the reopening events kicked off. Everyone planned to be present for it, including Mommy and Daddy Aster, so all the more reason for me to go.
I still needed to text Avery and Natalia and let them know I was out of here because those two were looking forward to thehot air balloon rides planned for the attendees, one of many cool activities. I hated to bow out like this, but I had to do this for myself.
Our lack of communication appeared to be the real issue here, and I ultimately didn’t know how to deal with it.
I was zipping up my suitcase when Sebastian walked into the room, and I almost jumped into the wall in surprise. I hadn’t expected anyone here at two in the afternoon, much less Sebastian, who’d been working from six in the morning until nearly midnight every night since his daughter left.
“You’re leaving again?” he asked with a hint of concern.
I turned and smiled warmly, the opposite of how I felt inside.
