Page 124 of Mr. Aster
“I have a last-minute assignment,” I lied.
God, what is happening here, Darcy? Are we lying to everyone now? That’s the perfect way to deal with this!
“I would imagine that since your bossandyour friends will be here for the reopening of the winery, he wouldn’t ask you to leave and work on a last-minute assignment,” Sebastian stated with justified confusion.
“That’s the thing,” I smiled, wanting to punch myself for being so elusive. “He needs me there so he can be here.”
Why am I still fucking lying? Oh, that’s right. I’m the world’s biggest chicken shit, and I’m afraid my once-perfect boyfriend is going to break up with me. So, lying is obviously the best remedy for all these problems, right?
“That’s ridiculous,” he argued. “I know it is not my place to tell you what to do with your life and career, but when will enough be enough with this job?”
“What does that mean?” I argued.
“What I said,” he answered. “This job is far beneath what you and I both know you’re capable of, yet you still work for the man. He needs you more than you need him.”
“Maybe he does,” I answered, “but that doesn’t mean I won’t lose my job if I insist on staying here and he?—”
Sebastian grinned for the first time in weeks. “Did you just hear yourself?” he chuckled. “He does need you more than you need him, yet you still think that you could lose your job if you don’t give in to his?—”
“Sebastian, stop,” I said, flustered. “You’re right. I know this doesn’t make sense. Hell, nothing makes sense to me right now. I have no idea what is happening with you lately, and I just want to get out of here for a while.”
“Nothing is going on with me,” he said with a frown. “I’m merely trying to accomplish what I set out to do when I came to the winery. Everything seems to be moving along smoothly, but you’re saying something isn’t sitting right with you?”
“No, something isn’t sitting right with me,” I said. “That’s why I need to get out of here.”
“Your mother mentioned that you’re not eating well, which concerned me,” he said.
I sighed and closed my eyes. “You know, unless I swear that woman to silence, she is incapable of keeping things to herself,” I said in irritation. “I’m honestly fine. My mother is being dramatic.”
“Says every woman about to lose her shit on the man who’s unknowingly pissed her off for reasons he has no idea about,” Sebastian answered with concern. “Listen,” he crossed the room and closed the gap between us, “I know I haven’t been attentive lately, but I have been extremely busy.”
“It’s not just that,” I answered him, knowing this was part of the communication lacking between us. “I just feel like something isn’t sitting right with you regarding us. Maybe it’sjust me being paranoid, which is completely unlike me, but something feels very off.”
“It’s most likely my busy schedule,” he answered, his expression darkened to the point that it made me feel stupid for talking about the elephant in the room. “I’m sure you’re not used to having a man in your life who struggles to put work behind his personal life.”
“That’s the thing,” I said, “I’m not used to having a man in my life at all. That’s why this is driving me nuts.”
“I’m unsure how to help.”
“You don’t need tohelp,” I said, annoyed and wishing hedidknow how to help. “I just need a break.”
“Do you know when you’ll be back?” he asked.
“Not really,” I said. “I just need some clarity.”
“I’ll miss having you here,” he said with a pang of sadness, but since I was an emotionally insecure mess, I couldn’t decipher why.
“You’ll be busy anyway,” I forced a smile. “Maybe when the grand reopening is all said and done, we can—well, I don’t know. Maybe we can get back to the way we were before?”
“I would love that,” he said, concerned and probably as confused as I was.
My number one concern was that I’d fallen way too hard and way too fast with him, and it was biting me in the ass because I had no idea how to deal with any of it. My lastso-calledrelationships ended in disaster. There was no communication with any of my exes, and whenever I tried to bring up issues with them, there was a lot of gaslighting, telling me I was overreacting or being insecure for no reason. I hated having my feelings dismissed or misinterpreted when my gut told me something was wrong. It happened just now with Sebastian, making me regret ever opening up to him from the get-go.
I didn’t like being told why I was feeling how I was feeling, especially from someone who was making excuses for their behavior. It made me question my sanity because I knew the things that were bothering me, and Sebastian’s workaholism wasn’t the issue.
I didn’t know what the bigger problem was at this point: Sebastian’s distance or my reaction to it. All I knew was I couldn’t figure that out from here.
Chapter Fifty-Two
