Page 137 of Mr. Aster
“Oh, hell yes, I did,” he chuckled. “The fact that you and I are teamed up on this is amazing. I finally get to sit back and watch you do your thing, wise guy.”
“Well,my thingisn’t much of anything anymore. I’m exhausted as hell. I haven’t stopped for months now.”
“How’s life on the personal front?”
“Not talking about that,” he said.
“They really did take your balls in that room, didn’t they?” he challenged with a grin.
“If you want to think that’s why I’m not speaking of my personal affairs, go ahead,” I answered.
“I met Darcy Burke,” he said, and my heart dropped.
Titus chuckled, “By the looks of your clenched fist, I can only assume you’re not over her?”
“As I said, I’m not speaking about my personal life, Titus.”
“The last time you and I were together, you looked great. You were high on life, and now you look worse than you did after Melissa passed away.”
I exhaled. Titus was like my brothers; he wouldn’t let it go even if I knocked him out, and he woke up wondering what day it was.
“I just don’t need a reminder of something else I fucked up on top of not being able to nail this deal down in the first shot like I usually do,” I said. “I’m happy you met her. She’s an amazing, vivacious woman.”
“So, that’s it?”
“What do you mean? What else can I do but cut my losses and move on?”
“By your tone, you’ve done anything but move on.”
“There’s no point in figuring out where I fucked it up with her,” I said. “How can I fix something I broke if I’m probably just going to break it again? She’s better off without me,” I locked eyes with his and took a gulp of bourbon. “You and I both know that.”
“Yes, I completely agree with that,” he said, which pissed me off more.
I wanted to ask how she was. I wanted to know if she’d moved on over these last months, and I wanted to know what she was doing. What did she think of the winery? I knew if I started toask those questions and hearing about her life, I’d be a fucking mess and unable to concentrate on anything.
Being separate was for the best. Darcy would hate being in a relationship with me, a man who didn’t have the proper time to devote to her, making her lonely and miserable. All I had to offer her was money, and Darcy had already made it clear that money didn’t drive her happiness.
I got in over my head believing that I could balance work and personal life when I was with Darcy. A lot of that was because I fell for her while taking some rando vacation, something I’d never done for myself. During that downtime, I was so relaxed that I lowered my guard and allowed myself to develop deep feelings, which I quickly learned I couldn’t get away from.
Darcy had returned my last call while I was in a meeting, and she didn’t leave a message, so I knew she had to be pissed as hell with me. I’d already fucked up by having weird reservations about our relationship and burying myself into work at the winery. Then, the night before I left to go on this damn business tour, John spoke with me and sounded a lot like Titus did right now. His words were just a reminder of why it could never work with her.
I didn’t understand why I couldn’t stay in the relationship without fucking things up. With Melissa, it wasn’t long before she told me my work schedule was ruining her life, and she already knew what she was getting into with a man like me.
Things would be worse for Darcy because she genuinely had no idea how this part of my life went. If she couldn’t handle my busy schedule while working at the winery, she’dneverbe able to deal with the rest. I wouldn’t neglect her, either. She deserved better than me. She deserved a man who worked a regular job and could give her all of his time, not some asshole who was born and bred to work until the day he died.
So, as a final mercy to her, knowing it was best to end things before they turned into something detrimental to her, I felt it was best not to call her back. I’d told her I wouldn’t hurt her, and if things grew any more than they already had, that’s exactly what would’ve happened. I knew it. My wife was raised to endure a man like me, but Darcy wasn’t. This wasn’t a life she’d want. I knew that.
“If I let you continue to sit in silence, I think you might blow a brain fuse with that look on your face,” Titus said, cutting into his steak.
I blinked a few times, brought my head out of the clouds, and saw the plate of food I’d ordered growing cold in front of me.
“You know what’s ironic about what happened between me and Darcy?” I said, my appetite waning.
“There’s no telling,” Titus answered, more concerned with his steak than my sad story.
“I promised I wouldn’t hurt her,” I said, taking a sip of water.
“Who?” Titus said, pretending to be as stupid as he looked.
