Page 91 of Mr. Aster
“Trust me, I’ve been haunted by too much about that woman since she passed,” I said, knowing that was the damn truth.
“It’s good to talk it out, you know?” Jim said. “If you want your new relationship to progress healthily, I recommend not keeping the ghosts and grief on your back. You don’t want to enter a new marriage feeling haunted by the past.”
I wished I could kill the marriage rumor because my mind wasn’t there. I was more on track with enjoying Darcy as a lover and, hopefully, as a close friend after all this madness was over.
“This is the most I’ve spoken about Melissa since her passing,” I said. “Her death sent me into a dark hole of regret after I received news that she was in the accident.”
“I can’t even fucking imagine,” Spencer said. “We all heard that you were in a meeting, closing an acquisition when it happened.”
“That’s the thing…” I paused when I suddenly felt the heavy, dark cloud of remorse looming in the distance. I wasn’t sure if talking about this would make it better or worse, but I was loosened up from the tequila, more willing to roll the dice and see where it would land. “That’s where she haunts me, where everything haunts me,” I said.
I proceeded to tell the men about my horrible responses and the inhumane way I handled my wife’s last moments. After I finished, it was evident I’d destroyed everyone’s buzz.
“Listen, I know that is very hard to deal with,” Jim said, bringing my attention from my glass of tequila and over to him, “but you can’t beat yourself up like this, man.”
“Can’t I?” I asked, hearing the pain in my voice that I felt on the inside.
“Absolutely not,” Jake said. “That’s called being a victim, and it is bullshit. You need to get through this, not remain stuck with constant regret about something you cannot change.”
“It’s fucking hard. I mean, fuck,” was all I could say.
“Of course, it’s hard,” Jim said. “Although you and I are opposite in many ways, we are also very similar. As businessmen, we process things differently. I know I talk a big talk about being a Casanova with my wife, but there are plenty of times when I fuck shit up and hurt her. Sometimes, it takes a lot to get my mind off business so I can come home and be present with her and my kids the way she needs me to be. I’m happy to do it because the reward is always delightful; however, it’s not easy. In your situation, battling the passing of your wife and how it all went down will take hard work to get through.”
“The difference is that you have your wife to reward you with forgiveness, and I don’t. She’s gone, and I can only imagine how much she hated me with her last dying breath.”
“Youcannotdo that shit, man,” Spencer said. “Tell me, did you know that she was dying, and this was the only call she wanted to make when you sent your assistant out of the room to close that deal?”
“No, but still?—”
“Then leave it where the facts are,” Jake interjected. “Don’t go into your head about it. Instead, ask yourself if that’s how your relationship was. If she called you, and you were in ameeting, did you push her off until business was handled before returning her call?”
“Well, not initially, but after numerous calls to inform me that she was taking the jet to go shopping in San Francisco or Milan or to make sure I was really in a meeting and not having an affair, I stopped taking the calls.”
“Youbothcreated the inevitability of not taking that call,” Jim said. “And while she tragically passed away, you’re condemning yourself to a life of emptiness and punishment for surviving. You must close that down, heal, and move forward.”
“And plan your wedding day to that sassy little fiancée of yours for at least two years down the road after you’ve cleaned up this emotional baggage,” Spencer said with a grin.
“And, if you haven’t already, start confiding all of this to Darcy,” Jim added. “Seriously, open the lines of communication with her, and allow yourself to heal. It will be easier if she understands the trauma you’re working through. If you don’t, your relationship will become a prison sentence.”
Well, that won’t be a problem because we don’t have a relationship, I thought.
“Does Darcy know all of this?” Jake asked.
“I’ve given her bits and pieces, but she has always seemed supportive,” I said with a laugh.
“You need to give her more respect and trust her. I think you’ll be surprised,” Jim said. “She’s a brilliant, understanding woman, and I can see now why you both may have crossed paths.”
“To help me heal,” I answered quietly, as if I’d just revealed that to myself.
It was interesting to think that perhaps that was why we met. I was extremely comfortable around her and enjoyed it when she spoke her mind. More importantly, I felt alive and happy againwhen I was with Darcy. Why wouldn’t I want to open a little more and confide some things in my past to her?
Perhaps she was the key to helping me heal and move forward.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Darcy
The night was filled with laughter, animated jokes, and a shit-ton of fun. Being around everyone with the liquor fueling the humor was enough to erase all my concerns about Sebastian.
