Page 109 of Dr. Stone
Not anymore.
Now, all I wanted was to know exactly what he had on me—and make him regret ever saying my name.
FORTY-EIGHT
Andie
The grocery storewasn’t where I expected to break down and completely fall apart, but that’s always how it happens, isn’t it? It never hits when you’re braced for it. Not when you’re alone in the dark, trying to bury the ache into your pillow. No, it happens in the paper towel aisle between an overexcited toddler and a promotional sign for cartoon-shaped mac and cheese.
Brandon reached both arms up from the cart seat and pointed toward the ceiling, eyes bright.
“Jaysh, Mama!” he chirped, grinning. “Jaysh. Pane! See! Mama. Mama. Mama…”
It took me a second to realize he was looking at the small plastic airplane display hanging from the rafters as part of the store’s summer travel theme. And then he did it again.
“Maa-maa! Look! Look! Jaysh! Pane!”
My throat closed. He still said Jace’s name every time he saw a plane. Every. Single. Damn. Time. It didn’t matter if it was in the sky, on TV, in a toy store, or printed on a cereal box.Somewhere in his tiny, perfect heart, he’d paired the joy of flight with Jace after the last time he’d seen him, sitting on his lap in that flight simulator.
I forced myself to stand there and smile through it like I wasn’t crumbling. Goddamn it. Sometimes, I’d do great, burying all this shit under the logic that Jace and I barely had time to get to know each other. So why did I feelthisbroken? We didn’t have years together. We didn’t build a whole life, and yet, the void he left felt like a black hole inside me. Some days were good, and I managed fine, but other days were jarring, especially when Brandon missed him, which made everything somuch more painful.
“That’s right, baby,” I managed, brushing his hair from his forehead. “Jace took you on the fun airplane ride.”
He nodded so hard I thought his neck might snap. “Yes!” he said, squishing his face up and balling his tiny little fists with excitement.
There it was. I had to look away to compose myself before I was forced into the tissue paper aisle, sitting on the floor in a pile of used Kleenex that I’d desperately ripped from their sealed packages.
“Where Jaysh?” Brandon asked. “Ma-maaa…”
“Jace is at work, sweetheart,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Let’s go get some Goldfish,” I said, hoping to get his attention off the man I prematurely allowed to steal my son’s heart, too.
I wasn’t lying to Brandon. Jace probablywasat work, but I’d hoped my son would forget about him before I needed to start making up stories like,Jace went out to get milk…five years ago.The hardest part was thatIwas the reason Jace was gone, not Jace. Not fate. Not distance. It was all me, and the threats my son’s father handed down. That was shit I never wanted to have to tell my son. The only thing good about this was that Brandonwould be too young to remember Jace in the future, even though I’m sure my heart would still be holding on to whatcould’ve been.
Knowing I’d torn out my own heart to protect Jace’s reputation, to keep the press and board and vultures from feeding on his past, I chose to end things. Now, all I had were lonely nights, echoes of his laughter, and a son who still believed Jace would walk through the door again and point out planes in the sky.
Son of a bitch, this hurt like hell. I swallowed the sob clawing at my throat, reached for a roll of paper towels, and walked toward the snack aisle to get Brandon his Goldfish. I would just have to push this all down again and press the fuck on. There was nothing else to do about it.
After breakingdown in the grocery store the other day, it didn’t surprise me that I cracked again two days later, and this time, I shattered wide open. I finally let Ash in and told her about that bastard and the threats he made. I mentioned how he said he’d come for my son, drag me through a brutal custody battle, and destroy Jace’s reputation as a renowned expert surgeon at Saint John’s. And of course, there was my life—my name and reputation—on the line, too, being threatened with public humiliation for dating two billionaire playboys at once like I was some groupie party girl.
I was in utter shock that the man was willing to go to all the trouble, and for what? To keep me from being happy in the life he chose to sprint away from? I hadn’t realized what an evil, wicked man he was until that night. He’d shown me a side of himself I didn’t want to believe existed, but deep down, I probably always knew he was capable of it.
He scared the hell out of me that night, and I completely shut down. I went numb—my mind took over, forcing me to look past what my heart wanted. That’s why I robotically started pulling away from Jace and from all my friends, not knowing who Jonathan might come after next. As unhinged as he was that night, I honestly had no idea what he was capable of, and the fear of what might happen if I said anything to anyone kept me silent.
Like the victim I now realized I was, I followed his demands, terrified someone else might get hurt. It wasn’t until I hit my breaking point, when I wasthis closeto resigning from the gallery and moving back in with my parents, that I finally cracked wide open and spilled all my messy baggage onto Ash.
Ash was, as always, wonderful. She didn’t ask questions and didn’t pass judgment. She just understood. I was so relieved to get it off my chest finally, but part of me still held onto the fear that Jonathan’s threat about hiring private investigators was real. I just hoped that telling Ash wouldn’t somehow get back to Jonathan, and I wouldn’t wake up tomorrow to see Jace plastered all over the gossip pages on social media.
So, with all of that finally off my chest, I woke up to a text from Ash saying she, Nat, Darcy, and Avery were on their way to whisk me off to a luxury spa retreat out on the cliffs by the coast. I didn’t even hesitate to say yes. I needed to get the hell away, breathe again, and figure out how I was supposed to keep living this life, especially without Jace in it.
From the momentwe pulled into the private resort tucked high above the cliffs, I felt a change in my energy. The tension in my chest didn’t vanish, but thankfully, it softened. We stepped out of Ash’s Range Rover and were greeted by the ocean’s fresh, salty air that seemed to cleanse me from the inside out.
The rooms at this place were gorgeous. Each one had its own private pool, the bed felt like a damn cloud, and I was welcomed with fresh-pressed juice and champagne cocktails. Fresh lilies added to the soft, calming vibe, and I could live in the complimentary fluffy robe forever.
“Any of you ever have a moment where you realize you weren’t as okay as you thought you were?” I asked, my voice quiet as the wind blew around the chiffon that hung outside of the cabana where we sat after having facials.
“Why else did we bring you here?” Ash laughed.
“No,” I said, setting down my untouched drink. I looked past the girls and out to the ocean, the sickening feeling of what I did to Jace still haunting me. “We’re here because I lied to Jace. I was never honest with him about any of this. I just thought I was being a good person by protecting him.”
