Page 13 of Dr. Stone
“Here you go. It’s still hot,” Mom said, sitting down and taking in her home’s glorious views. “Not a day that goes by that I don’t sit out here appreciating how blessed we are to have this home.”
I smiled. “How was Brandon this weekend?” I asked. “I know it’s not?—”
“Stop,” she said, knowing I hated inconveniencing my parents with my one-year-old son. “You always act like he’s a burden to your Dad and me.”
“Well, Mom,” I answered, “he is my responsibility. I decided to raise him on my own, and so I feel bad when you and Dad take him.”
“You feel bad that we get the privilege of having our adorable grandson to ourselves so that our daughter can live her life a little?”
“I guess so,” I said.
She chuckled. “I understand how you might feel, but knock it off,” she said. “Don’t you dare feel guilty for enjoying yourself. You need time to get out occasionally,” she gave me thatmom look,and I chuckled. “Besides, your father and I told you wewould be here for you all the way. And how many grandparents do you know who wouldn’t jump at the chance to be with their grandchildren? We would kidnap him if we could, you know,” she winked and sipped her tea.
“I know I’ve been out of it for a while now,” I acknowledged, “and I can’t thank you enough for the times you have come down to help me. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you.”
Tears streamed out of my eyes as soon as I said it, like a dam had burst. I certainly didn’t see this coming.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she said. “Let’s go take a walk along the shore.”
She took my tea and hers and set them both on the balcony ledge. We walked arm-in-arm down through the picket fence gate and toward the wet sand where the waves caressed the shoreline.
Both of us had removed our shoes and left them where they wouldn’t get wet and continued, feeling the wet sand squish under our toes.
“I have no idea where those tears came from,” I said, sniffing and looking towards the waves.
Mom’s hand covered mine resting in the bend of her arm, and I leaned my head on her shoulder, truly needing my mother for the first time since I’d pushed everyone away.
We continued to walk. “I know exactly where it came from, honey,” she answered. “You’ve been pushing everything down, unwilling to talk about how hurt you’ve been. You were always like that, even as a little girl.”
“I know,” I answered, knowing she was right.
I hated feeling emotions when they hurt.
“The thing is this, sweetie,” she said. “You must feel those painful emotions to heal from them and move forward. It seems you’re doing that now, or at least you’ve allowed yourself to crack open a bit. You mustn’t close yourself off again.”
“I know,” I answered, a bit scared that these happy feelings would be gone when I woke up the next morning.
Mom stopped and turned me to face her. “Listen,” her eyes grew more somber, “you will have highs and lows after what you’ve been through with that cowardly fool—” She stopped herself, and for the first time in my life I thought my mom might curse, but alas, I suppose her harshest words about that bastard werecowardly fool. “Youwillget through this just as I got through my own grief after having all those miscarriages before I was blessed with you. If I didn’t have your father to help me through those losses, I am sure that you wouldn’t be here. I probably wouldn’t either.”
“You’ve never talked about it,” I said, feeling sad for my mom. She’d always wanted a bunch of kids and would’ve been the happiest woman on the planet raising a tribe.
“Well, it’s not because I didn’t trust you with the information, but even after all these years, it’s still difficult to think about. I fell into a deep despair, and I became terrified of getting pregnant again because I just knew I couldn’t bear another loss. So, I told your father no more trying.”
“How did you manage to conceive me, then?”
“Little did I know I was already pregnant with you when I made that proclamation. Your father was understanding of my wishes not to try again, and he was already looking into adoption when I found out for sure. I was terrified when I got the news. We both were, but then came you…”
“Then came me,” I smiled.
“Yes,” she smiled. “The biggest blessing we could ever ask for, and now we’re blessed with beautiful Brandon because of you, too. I know in my heart there is an amazing life ahead of you and Brandon, so you must start living it.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “I wanted to run something by you.”
“Okay,” I said, wondering where this was going. “What is it?”
“Well, your Dad and I have been thinking,” she started, “and if you’re okay with the idea, we want to offer to take Brandon a couple of weekends out of the month to allow you some space to breathe and get out and live a little. We’ve talked about this for a few months, hoping to give you some time to get out of your funk, but it looks like you’ve popped out of that sucker and are ready to hit the ground running,” she laughed.
“You don’t need to watch him that often, but since you’ve offered, maybe now I won’t feel like I’m burdening you when I ask,” I chuckled.
“Neverevera burden, my darling,” she said. “We love having precious baby time again.”
