Page 36 of The Notecard
‘I feel the same about running. Actually, that isn’t true. I still hate running, but I do it so I don’t get fat.’
‘You must have been running a lot then,’ says Nick.
He looks at me and I look at him. That was definitely a flirt. He’s flirting with me. I don’t know how to respond. I’m not good at the flirting game. If flirting were football, I think I’d be perpetually offside. Actually, I’d be left on the bench by the manager and only brought on in emergencies. We finish our cigarettes at the same time. I don’t want the conversation to be over. I don’t want to go back inside and be with my family. I don’t want to have to deal with Laura. I don’t want to listen to any more of my parents' dating stories. I want to keep talking to Nick.
I look up and see a plane flying slowly across the sky. It’s coming into land at Heathrow. It’s a large plane so it’s come from somewhere far away. America? Asia? Australia? I think about all the people sitting on the plane. Children sitting next to their parents, looking out of the window at London below. I’ve done the same thing myself and it’s incredible. Seeing London from above, a great sprawling mass of buildings and history. St Paul’s Cathedral. The Tower of London. Big Ben. The Thames. Small houses with narrow green gardens spread out forever. Millions of lives being lived. I am one of those lives. I look up and watch the plane soar by, but none of the people inside see me. They only see London. A huge slab of grey splashed against the blue green of the river Thames. I look up and I think about my travels. London. Home again. Life will be so different. I will be different. I think of myself looking out of the window, waiting to land. Mum, Dad, maybe Laura and Simon at the airport. Keri and Hugh perhaps. Welcome home, Meg! I think of that moment and of this one. High above, looking down. Down below, looking up.
‘One more?’ says Nick, taking out his packet of cigarettes.
‘Go on then,’ I say with a smile.
Nick
I’m outside having a cigarette with Meg and it’s amazing. She’s amazing. If only Molly wasn’t inside, clouding everything with her dark presence. I don’t know what I was thinking seeing her again. Sometimes when we’re alone, when it’s just the two of us, she’s okay. It seems fine. But when we’re around other people, I realise it’s not going to work. Perhaps if it was just us on a deserted island we’d be great, but in the big wide world of London, it’s a disaster. Mum doesn’t like her. I know Rob doesn’t approve either, and Molly doesn’t make it easy to disagree with either of them.
‘Can I ask you something?’ says Meg.
‘Sure.’
‘If you already broke up with Oh Molly, once, why did you ask her out again?’
Because I wrote you a notecard telling you how much I liked you but didn’t give it to you because your flatmate Keri convinced me you weren’t ready for a relationship and I chickened out because I’m a coward and asked Molly for a drink instead.
‘I panicked,’ I say. ‘I was worried I was going to end up alone.’
Meg laughs, which isn’t the reaction I was expecting.
‘Sorry. It isn’t funny. It’s just, I was having the same thought earlier. God, it’s sad, isn’t it? We’re both still young but already worried about being left on the shelf.’
‘I was so worried I jumped off the shelf into the arms of the girl who was so wrong the first time, hoping this time she wouldn’t be a total sociopath. So sad.’
‘It’s not sad, it’s optimistic,’ says Meg with a lovely smile.
‘Thanks. Although clearly, I make terrible decisions when it comes to love.’
I take a drag on my cigarette and look across at Meg. She is beautiful. Today she’s wearing a long black and white dress, brown ankle boots, a necklace with a love heart, and her hair has been straightened and I think she’s had it coloured. It looks lighter than before. If I could design my perfect looking woman, it would be Meg. God, she’s lovely, and here I am talking to her about breaking up with Molly. It’s a gorgeous day out and we’re standing in our doorway, talking, and watching the world go by. I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to go back to my flat. I could ask Meg to go for a coffee. We could get a couple of coffees (a flat white for me and I imagine something like an oat milk latte for her) somewhere nice, sit down, and just talk. Meg and me. It’s all I want right now. Us. Talking. Coffee. Maybe we’d share a croissant. She’d talk about her childhood and tell me a funny holiday anecdote. We’d compare notes on previous relationships, discuss our favourite things about London, talk about our hopes and dreams. Just us.
‘I don’t think you have the monopoly on bad relationship decisions. After James and I broke up, he cheated on me with a girl called Clara, I almost took him back. There was a moment when I thought about it. I almost caved and gave him another chance, but I didn’t.’
How could anyone cheat on Meg? She’s perfect. I can’t believe it. No wonder Keri said she isn’t in the market for a boyfriend. No wonder she’s off travelling this year. The poor thing is heartbroken. It’s a good job I didn’t give her that card. I can see she needs a break from men.
‘If you want my opinion.’
‘I do,’ says Meg quickly.
We smoke.
‘Your ex-boyfriend sounds like an idiot.’
Meg laughs. Such a wonderful laugh. She tosses her head back for a moment.
‘Thanks, Dr Nick.’
‘You’re welcome,’ I say, and we both smoke our cigarettes and look off down the street. I saw a fox here once. I was having a cigarette late in the evening and he just appeared. It was incredible. In the middle of London, you don’t expect to see a fox, but there he was. I watched him, he watched me, and then he walked off. ‘Can I ask for your advice?’
‘I’m not a doctor.’
‘What do you do, actually?’
