Page 37 of The Notecard
‘Digital media,’ says Meg. ‘Online branding, social media blah blah blah.’
‘Sounds interesting.’
‘It is. I actually genuinely love my job. The people are great for the most part. I love that it’s creative and exciting, but it’s just not saving lives. What’s it like?’
‘Being a doctor?’
‘Yes. The idea of it is quite romantic,’ says Meg, and I laugh.
‘Remember when you were a kid and you’d set up a long line of dominoes so you could knock them down? Now imagine the dominoes are people, and if you knock one of them over before they’re all set up, they all die. You’re also blindfolded and have one hand tied behind your back. It’s a bit like that.’
She laughs.
‘You must love it though.’
‘Obviously.’
‘You sound like superman.’
‘I mean, I’m not like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. Although technically, I do perform my own stunts,’ I say, and Meg smiles at me.
She reaches up and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She has small ears that are slightly pointy at the top. She has a silver hoop earring. I imagine touching her ear. Us lying down. I run a finger across her ear, feeling the soft flesh in my fingers. She shudders slightly. I imagine running my finger down her neck. She has a great neck. Long. Slender. I imagine the softness of her skin. Her breath as she exhales. I think about the pleasure of it.
‘Sorry. Advice,’ says Meg.
‘I’m thinking about moving to Nottingham. There’s a job there. A good job. Starting over. I don’t know if I should or not. If there’s anything worth staying in London for.’
I realise it’s a loaded question. I want her to turn and look at me, a sudden expression of lust and desire, and tell me to stay. She doesn’t know where this is heading, but she wants to see. Fuck Nottingham and stay for her. Then we’ll kiss and it will be the most magical kiss, and I sound like a lunatic. Of course that’s not going to happen because this is reality and not some cheesy American straight to television romance. It isn’t a romance at all.
‘Do you want to move to Nottingham?’ she says.
‘I don’t know. I think I just want something in my life to change.’
It’s easy talking to her. I open up to her in a way I don’t with anyone else. If I was a can, she’d be a can opener.
‘That’s sort of how I feel about travelling. I just need to do something. I need to change, to be brave. For me it’s travelling the world for six months, maybe for you it’s Nottingham?’
‘Wow! Thanks for making my dream seem like the most boring idea ever. For you it’s travelling the world, having fun, living the dream, experiencing new cultures, lying on tropical beaches in far-flung corners of the world, and for me... it’s the East Midlands.’
Meg laughs. I love her laugh. It’s a giggly, silly schoolgirl sort of laugh. As though despite her getting older and maturing, her laugh didn’t. It stayed the same. Locked in time.
‘I didn’t mean it like that, sorry,’ she says.
I smile at her.
‘I know, I’m just pulling your leg.’
Meg and I both finish our second cigarette at the same time. We can’t smoke a third, but I don’t want this to end. For many reasons. I want to keep talking to her, but we can’t. I have to deal with Molly, and Meg has to deal with her parents and crazy sister. Life goes on. But within it, Meg and I had this moment together. Just two people having a cigarette and talking outside of their house. It really felt like it meant something.
‘So you’re going to break up with Oh Molly?’
‘Yes, I suppose. Dreading it. She might flip out. She’s quite volatile.’
‘Hashtag pray for Nick.’
I laugh.
‘Good luck with your parents and your crazy sister. I mean, how crazy is she? Are we talking, should be in a mental facility crazy, talking to herself on the tube crazy, or just your ordinary, run-of-the-mill bonkers?’
