Page 58 of The Notecard
‘Mum?’ I say as the cameras connect.
After a moment, Mum’s shoulder appears on screen.
‘Meg?’ says Mum.
‘Move your phone up, I can only see your shoulder.’
Mum moves her phone and suddenly the whole horrible scene is laid out before me. I see dad (topless), and Mum in a bathrobe (mostly open), and they’re lying in bed. Mum and Dad (obviously post-coital) just wanted to FaceTime me to share their wonderful news (that they’ve just had sex). They’re both smiling and red in the face, which can only suggest that they’ve literally just finished.
‘Is that better, Megs?’ says Mum.
‘Yes, much.’
And also so much worse.
‘Hello, love,’ says Dad.
‘Hi, Dad.’
‘We just wanted to say thank you,’ says Mum. ‘Even though what you did was a little underhanded, it worked.’
‘We just had sex,’ says Dad, a huge smile on his face, brimming with happiness.
‘Yeah, I got that,’ I say with a wince.
I don’t want to look at the screen. I can’t imagine why their first thought after having sex was, let’s FaceTime our daughter. It’s horrific. And yet here we are. I don’t think the inventors of FaceTime had this in mind while they were putting the finishing touches to the technology.
‘This wouldn’t have happened without you,’ says Mum. ‘And your dads promised to change. To be more exciting.’
‘We’re going on holiday,’ says Dad. ‘We don’t know where yet, but we’re going away.’
‘My friend Janice, she works at the butchers on the high street,’ says Mum.
‘The one near the McDonalds or the one near The Black Bull pub?’ says Dad.
‘The one near McDonalds,’ says Mum. ‘She just went to Mexico. Honestly, it looks amazing. Hot. Lovely beaches. Tropical. All-inclusive.’
‘I’m in,’ says Dad. ‘I could use a bit of that.’
Still topless and potentially bottomless too.
‘Okay, I need to get ready. It’s Hugh’s comedy gig tonight.’
‘Oh, right, yeah, no worries,’ says Mum. ‘Just wanted to say thanks, Megs.’
‘Thanks, love,’ says Dad.
‘Okay, bye then,’ I say.
I end the call and I spend a moment staring at the empty screen in front of me trying to comprehend what just happened. That was unbearable. I’m over the moon that my parents are back together obviously and planning on going to Mexico, but talking to them post-coital, still at the scene of the crime, isn’t something I want to do again. I imagine Mum will talk to Laura too. I wonder how she’ll take the news. She wants them back together as much as me, but I’m sure she wanted a hand in it herself. The thought that it happened without her is probably unbearable.
I finish getting ready, and I’m thinking about love. With Keri and Hugh now madly in love, Mum and Dad back together, Laura and Simon about to be married, I’m the only one on my own. Perhaps it’s because I’m turning thirty later this year, but I can’t help but feel a little sad. I am excited about going travelling. I bought my rucksack this week. It’s a 55 litre Osprey in grey. I have to pack everything I need for six months in one bag. It has a detachable day pack. It’s the same one Beth has. She highly recommended it. I’m excited to go away, but there’s a thought in my brain I can’t quite shake. The thought of James and I. Would we be getting married this year? A whole other life. And now there’s Nick. There’s something about him. About me when I’m around him. He makes me feel different. Better. When I heard Hugh telling Keri he loved her, it made me imagine for a moment Nick saying it to me, and how it made me feel. God, I’m so sad. Such an incredible loser. I need to wake up and smell the roses. I’m going travelling soon. For six months. And I’m still obsessed with a man that has had the chance to tell me how he feels, ask me out, do something for months, and yet he hasn’t. Read the room, Meg. It’s not going to happen.
Hugh and Keri are in her bedroom. I imagine that they’re doing something similar to what Mum and Dad were doing, literally seconds before Mum decided to FaceTime me. I take this opportunity to have a cigarette. I grab my packet and head outside.
It’s a lovely, warm evening in London. The sky is blue, tinged with a soft redness from the sun that’s still out but waning slightly. People are returning home or on their way out. I think for a moment about the fox I saw. I wonder where he is now. That wily old fox. I take a drag on my cigarette, and then I hear someone behind me. I turn around and that’s when I see Nick.
‘Fancy seeing you here?’ I say when he steps outside.
