Page 61 of The Notecard
It comes out like that. Changing the subject could be my specialist subject on Mastermind.
‘Congratulations,’ says Meg, although her voice doesn’t sound happy. It’s muted.
‘I don’t know the details yet, but I got a text from my friend Tom. He works there already. Obs and gynae. We trained together. He said I got the job. I’ll get the official call on Monday.’
‘Great. Wonderful. Nottingham, the dream.’
A pause. We smoke.
‘How are your travelling plans going?’ I say.
‘I bought a rucksack, and a small medical kit, so, you know, almost there.’
‘I could look over the medical kit, make sure it’s up to scratch,’ I say, like a bloody fool.
‘That would be great,’ says Meg, finishing her cigarette. She stubs it out.
‘Another one?’ I say hopefully.
‘I can’t. I need to finish getting ready. We’re leaving soon. Comedy waits for no woman.’
I laugh. Another moment has slipped me by. I feel it. I look at Meg and smile. She smiles back. There’s so much in our smiles. I stub out my cigarette too. We stand in silence for a moment and just look at each other. There's electricity between us. It’s real. A sexual tension. I love these moments with Meg. They keep me going. It’s food for the broken hearted.
‘Do you ever feel nostalgic for a moment as it’s happening?’ Meg says.
‘I don’t know. Maybe.’
‘I feel that way at the moment,’ she says with a slightly sad smile.
We both turn to head inside. She walks towards me. We’re close. There’s something in her face. Her expression. I don’t know what it is. She looks at me. We’re standing facing each other. I want to kiss her. Her lips. I look at them and then into her eyes. I could lose myself in her eyes. Those eyes. We’re close. She leans forward and I don’t have time to prepare myself. There isn’t any time. Her lips are suddenly on mine. Soft and gentle. Her lips touch mine. Our mouths open slightly. Our tongues come together automatically. We kiss. Meg. Time slows. It stops. It’s like no other kiss I have ever had. My hands are on her waist for a moment. Meg’s waist. Her hands are further up my back. We kiss. Our hands move slightly. I can feel the soft curve of her skin. Her body. Our lips lock together. Our tongues explore, and I feel her body. I want to feel more of it. All of it. We kiss. It’s incredible. I don’t want it to end.
From inside the house there is noise. It’s Keri. We pull apart. I can still feel her lips on mine. The heat. The feeling of her. My heart is beating quickly and heavily.
‘There you are. Oh, hi, Nick. Are you ready?’ says Keri. ‘Hugh needs to leave soon to prepare himself. He’s like such a drama queen about being there on time. It’s all a part of his routine. He has a whole thing, like it’s literally crazy.’
‘I’m ready,’ says Meg with a smile. ‘I just need to get my bag.’
‘Are you coming, Nick?’ says Keri.
‘He can’t,’ says Meg before I have the chance to respond.
I look at Meg and she looks at me, and then she goes inside with Keri. She’s gone and yet I can still feel her on me. Her lips on mine. Her taste. Her body in my hands. All of it. And it’s overwhelming.
THEN
I’m outside Dr Wells' office and my head feels dizzy. I’m annoyed I even went there. That I listened to Mum. I don’t need to see a counsellor. I walk towards my car. My small blue Volkswagen Golf. Dad and I bought it together. Dad kicked the tyres like an old pro. He spent ages haggling with the car salesman. My father was suddenly a different man. He charmed him, talked about being a surgeon. I saw the man giving in. He wanted to give my father money off. I could see him going home and telling his wife he sold a car to a surgeon today.
I reach my car and put the key in the lock, and a memory of Dad comes flooding back. Him sitting next to me in the car. Us driving back home for the first time. Laughing. Talking. Sunshine. A CD of The Beatles. Love Me Do. Paperback Writer. I lean against the car because I feel like I might fall. I’m suddenly sweating and hot and I might be sick. I feel a pain in my chest. It hurts. It hurts so much. It’s Dad. I just want him back. I’m crying and I think Mum was right. I need to talk about it. I need to go back and see Dr Wells. I can’t go on like this. It’s fucking killing me.
Part Five: July
Meg
‘This is the worst fucking day of my fucking life!’ screamed Laura. She had tears streaming down her face, her hair was a mess, and she was wearing the wedding dress I got from Amazon with L plates around her neck. I’d never seen her so angry. The inflatable penis hat detracted slightly from her anger. It’s hard to take someone completely seriously when they have a large inflatable cock on their head. ‘You fucking ruined everything!’
Then she stormed out of the pub and into the rain. It was lashing it down. Everyone in the pub was looking at her. Old men sat drinking their pints, stunned into silence. A couple of young lads were laughing. ‘Cheer up, love, it might never happen!’ one of them said, as though it was the best, most original joke ever. Tonight, Live at the Apollo we have Ian from Cheltenham with his hilarious routine, ‘Cheer up, love, it might never happen!’ Fucking misogynistic prick. I was with the rest of the hen group, and we were all looking at each other. We didn’t know what to do.
‘I’ll go after her,’ said Mum. ‘Laura, babes, wait, mum’s coming!’
