Page 82 of The Notecard
‘Perfect,’ I say.
‘Right, give me the car keys and let’s go to that wedding.’
‘Why would I give you the car keys?’
‘Because I’m driving. You need to focus on what you’re going to do when you get there, Nick, and I was quite the driver back in the day.’
‘What do you mean, quite the driver?’ I say, as we walk outside to my car.
‘Let’s just say, I got a few speeding tickets in my time,’ says Dotty with a smile and a wink.
Against my better judgement, I let Dotty drive. I need the time to prepare myself for what I’m going to do when we get there because I literally have no idea. I grabbed the notecards because I thought I could read them to her, explain how much she meant to me then, and still does now. We get in my car, get buckled, and Dotty starts up the engine. My blue Volkswagen Golf. The car Dad and I bought together. It was almost new then but has nearly a hundred thousand miles on the clock now. It’s old and battered, but so is Dotty, so they should be a good match. Dotty puts her foot down, and we speed off towards Hampshire. Me giving directions and Dotty driving like a bat out of fucking hell. Mum must have got my note because she’s rang twice and left four text messages. I can’t talk to her at the moment. I need to focus on Meg, and what I’m going to do when I get to the wedding.
As we get nearer, I get more and more nervous. This is a terrible idea. Meg and I haven’t spoken about us since the night of the disaster. Since then we’ve avoided the topic of us; smiled politely with a sort of, well, we gave it a shot, but it just didn’t work out. I thought that was it. If it wasn’t for Dotty, I’d be on my way to Nottingham about now instead of towards a hotel in Hampshire to tell Meg that I do, actually, after everything, and despite the night of the disaster and our awful timing, think that I love her. And what is she going to say? That’s great, Nick, but I’m leaving in two days for a six-month trip around the world. The truth is, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know that I need to do this. Dotty made me see that. It’s a big romantic gesture. It’s the bit at the end of the film when the couple finally gets together. For the first time in my life, I realise I totally and utterly love one person. Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.
We drive up a long driveway to the front of the hotel. It’s an amazing country estate. A house like Downton Abbey sits at the end of the driveway. It’s hard not to imagine how it would have been back in the day. If only it could talk, the stories this old building could tell. Perhaps after today it might have one more.
‘I don’t think I can do it,’ I say to Dotty.
I’m tapping my fingers nervously on the dashboard.
‘Tosh,’ says Dotty. ‘We’ve driven all the way here, you can do it. Just remember what I said, Nick. If you don’t do this now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Get in there and tell Meg exactly how you feel.’
‘What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I make a complete fool of myself?’
‘Then it’s lucky you’re moving to Nottingham, and you’ll never have to see any of these people again,’ says Dotty, eruditely. ‘It’s time, Nick. Seize the moment! Carpet diem!’
I don’t have the heart to tell it isn’t carpet. I look at Dotty and smile, and then I get out of the car. I can do this. I walk towards the hotel entrance. The gravel underfoot makes that wonderful crunching sound, and with the beautiful countryside surrounding me and the majestic old mansion in front, I feel like James Bond. I feel a real sense of purpose. A mission about to finally be accomplished. Perhaps the rest of my life changed forever because of this one defining moment. If this was a film, there would be a suitably emotional and inspiring song over the top. Perhaps something by Snow Patrol. That would work. I’m walking through the hotel, trying to find the wedding, Snow Patrol playing, and when I finally walk into the room, opening the doors, I’m confronted by a hundred people who all turn and look at me. It’s during the speeches, and I’m standing there full of emotion. Meg stands up and looks at me. Our eyes meet across the room. The music stops. It’s so fucking intense.
Meg
I’m sitting at the head table next to Laura. Adam has just given perhaps one of the worst best man speeches in the history of best man speeches. It wasn’t funny, emotional, sad, or in any way enjoyable. The room was silent. Adam got redder and redder and finally sat down to a slow ripple of subdued applause. Laura looked furious through the whole thing, especially when Adam told quite a risqué story about Simon in Tenerife, which was far too graphic and uncomfortable for a wedding reception. I didn’t know that Simon had it in him to do something like that. I don’t think Laura knew about it either because she looked furious and gave Simon a filthy look. He’s definitely in trouble later. Simon looked across at Adam with a look that said something like, ‘I thought we agreed you wouldn’t mention Tenerife!’
It’s not traditional for brides to deliver a speech, but it’s Laura’s wedding, and she’s going to do a speech. Of course she is. Dad already gave his speech, and for Dad it was pretty raw. He even cried, which made me cry and Laura and Mum cry too. I gave a quick speech, which I was dreading, but kept it nice and safe. I said a few nice things about Laura, shared an anecdote from our childhood, and wished them well. All I’m thinking about is getting through the rest of the day, getting back to the flat, so I can finally get on the plane to Thailand. The nearer it’s getting, the more excited I am. I feel happy for the first time since James and I broke up. I’m excited by life. I’m terrified too, obviously, but that’s sort of point. I’m leaping outside of my comfort zone, which as you might have guessed is usually no farther than Zone 4 on the London underground.
There was a moment with Nick when I thought that maybe he might be it. I was wrong, obviously. Maybe we both just wanted to feel the chemistry, but it wasn’t really there. He saved my life. Perhaps it was some sort of weird Stockholm syndrome. I felt something towards him because he saved my life and vice versa. Either way, it’s over now. He’s leaving for Nottingham today. We didn’t even have a proper goodbye. A cigarette on the steps, an awkward conversation, and a muted, good luck for the future, have fun on your trip, I hope Nottingham is everything you need, see you later, and that was it. Sad considering. Laura stands up with the microphone in hand. Everyone claps. Simon looks nervous. She has her glass of champagne in her hand. It’s her second, or maybe her third. She’s definitely tipsy.
‘I know it isn’t traditional for the bride to give a speech, but it’s my wedding, my big day, and I wanted to say a few words, and so I thought, why not?’
I think she’s going to mention my pink hair. She definitely is.
‘Firstly, I’d like to thank a few people. My sister, Meg, despite her pink hair…’
Told you.
‘Despite her pink hair. We still don’t know why it happened right before my big day, but it did and that’s okay because it’s Meg. Whatever. Despite the fact she’s going away in two days for six months around the world, which apparently couldn’t wait until we got back from our honeymoon. Despite all of that, I wouldn’t have got through the last six months without her. Thank you, Meg. Despite what you might think sometimes, I love you lots!’
Laura raises her glass in the air, says, ‘to Meg’ and everyone in the room says, ‘to Meg’ and I’m a little surprised by Laura’s speech. I mean, she got her little digs in, but she said something genuinely nice about me. She said she loved me. It must have been three glasses of champagne.
‘To Mum and Dad, where do I start?’ says Laura. A tear leaks out and falls down her face. ‘Dad, the best cab driver in London, my rock, who’s always there when I need him. The man with the worst taste in knitwear, but the biggest heart. And Mum, my best friend, always on my side…’
Always on her side.
‘Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. If Simon and I are half as happy as you and Dad, I think we’ll be alright. To Mum and Dad!’ says Laura, and we all cheers, and Laura wipes tears from her eyes.
‘And finally, to Simon. My husband!’ says Laura, and then she squeals like a feral cat. ‘My Simon. My everything. My world. My rock. The one person in the world who fully gets me, who puts up with me because I know I can be difficult, but Simon doesn’t mind. He’s seen me at my best and my worst. My highest and my lowest. And he loves all of those bits of me, and I feel the same about him. I didn’t know about Tenerife. It’s the first I’ve heard about it…’
Oh god, she’s talking about Tenerife. Laura gives Adam a dirty look. Simon looks embarrassed, and he knows it’s not the last he’s heard about Tenerife today.
