Page 24 of Not Moving Out
Sam looked at me, smiled, and then picked up his bicycle that was still folded up. ‘Let’s start walking first, eh?’
I smiled back, curious, and we started walking. When I was alone, I would usually walk reasonably quickly, but with Sam and his bike, we strolled. It was a lovely evening, warm for the time of year, and it felt nice being with Sam. It was, despite my insecurities about why we were walking together – and wasn’t Sam’s house in the opposite direction? – comfortable.
‘So, Freya, how are you?’ said Sam after a minute’s silence – not the sort of silence used to commemorate a death, a tragedy, or remember fallen soldiers – it was just about a minute long.
‘Good, yeah. Although slightly concerned I’m about to be fired from my job.’
Sam laughed. ‘Gosh, no, it’s nothing like that.’ Now it was his turn to look mildly uncomfortable. ‘Freya, please tell me to shut up if I’m overreaching, but having gone through a somewhat difficult divorce myself, I wanted to offer my support. I heard about the separation.’
‘Oh, right,’ I said, making a mental note to have a word with Lucy. She must have let it slip.
‘And honestly, Freya, if you’re uncomfortable discussing it, please tell me to shut up and we can discuss anything else. Football? Are you into football at all?’
‘No, Sam, I’m not into football.’
‘Oh, good, that’s a relief, neither am I.’
‘More of a rugby man, I assume?’
‘Not really a sports man at all, if I’m honest. I like to exercise, but I’m not into watching sports. The theatre, yes. Even the opera over a game of men kicking a ball around a large patch of grass.’
I laughed. ‘Oh, Sam, thank you.’
‘For what?’
‘I don’t think I have laughed all day.’
‘You are welcome,’ said Sam with a soft smile, as we continued to stroll somewhat aimlessly in the direction of my house. We had already missed one of the roads I would usually walk down, but I didn’t say anything, and so we just kept wandering.
‘You’re right that Joe and I have separated. It’s really shit, weird, and we’re still trying to figure out exactly what all of it means, but I appreciate your support.’
‘If there’s anything you need, legal or otherwise, you know I’m here for you. The whole team is here for you. I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in this. It was one of the things I felt at the beginning of my divorce. I tried to deal with it on my own, keeping it a secret because I was embarrassed, but it didn’t help. Sharing it did. Getting help did, and that’s what I wanted to say to you today.’
He was being so nice and supportive, I almost wanted to cry.
‘Thank you,’ I said, keeping the tears at bay. ‘The thing that’s hard at the moment is that we still live together. Until Dolly leaves for university, we’re stuck in this strange, surreal place.’
‘Right, yes, we did the whole bird-nest parenting thing where the kids stay in the home, and the parents switch out. I had the weekends.’
‘How did that work out?’
‘Okay, I suppose. I think the thing is that none of it is ideal, is it? We see it all the time at work, representing couples in divorce settlements is never easy. You’re untangling years, sometimes decades of finances, children, property, and on top of that there are feelings, infidelities, and it’s a mess, Freya, but people do it, and we move on. I would say that now my relationship with my children is good, and my relationship with Helena is tentatively getting better. It’s amicable. Separation is hard, but if it’s the right thing to do, then stick with it, ride out the bumps, and eventually you’ll find some smoother ground.’
‘So the headlines are that it’s shit, messy, but in the long-term, I might survive with my relationships vaguely intact?’
‘Something like that,’ said Sam with a reassuring smile, and in that moment I felt a sense of calm come over me. Sam had been through this and he had survived and come out the other side, and just knowing I had his support and friendship meant the world.
We kept walking until we were about five minutes from my house and I finally had to say it. ‘Sam?’
‘Yes?’
‘Isn’t your house in the opposite direction?’
‘Ah,’ said Sam. ‘Yes, but on the old Brompton it isn’t far, and I wanted to have this chat. Make sure you were okay.’
‘I appreciate it, but I’m nearly home now. You can head off if you want.’
‘Will do,’ said Sam, and we both stopped. It took him a moment to unfold his bicycle, and then he put his helmet on.
