Page 28 of Not Moving Out
‘He offered his support, and just wanted me to know that if I needed anything then I could lean on him.’
‘I bet he did!’ said Lucy with a salacious smile.
‘What?’ I said, as we reached the shore, and walked across to our stuff. I quickly grabbed my towel and started drying myself off.
‘Recently divorced, handsome solicitor walks pretty, recently single paralegal home after work to offer his support,’ said Lucy with a grin. ‘It doesn’t take much to imagine what sort of support he’s offering!’
‘Oh, Lucy, it wasn’t like that,’ I said, putting my towel down and reaching for my trousers and top. My skin was blistered with dots from the air. ‘It was actually very pleasant.’
‘I’m sure it was!’ said Lucy, who had just zipped up her tracksuit top with a smile.
We sat with the rest of the Cold Water Club, drinking from our flasks of hot drinks. I had coffee because I had been tired when I woke up that morning, and needed a little pick-me-up. Caroline, who had obviously overheard our conversation, was the first to chip in. She was sitting next to me, taking sips from her flask, and she had made banana bread and was offering it around.
‘Is this Sam fella handsome?’
‘Bloody gorgeous!’ replied Lucy immediately. ‘I mean, if you like handsome solicitors, who ride folding bicycles, dress in expensive suits, and smell heavenly.’
‘Sounds absolutely perfect to me!’ said Helen, who was sitting next to Caroline, eating from a small lump of banana bread.
‘But, and let’s say for argument’s sake that he did like me,’ I replied, ‘which he definitely doesn’t, but imagine he had some ulterior motive, I’m definitely not ready to start dating.’
‘Who said anything about dating?’ said Debs, looking at me with a certain bluntness. ‘Perhaps he just wants to have some fun.’
‘Aye, maybe she’s right,’ said Caroline. ‘If he wants you, then have some fun while you can! You’re still young, single for the first time in two decades, and if someone wants to wine you, dine you, and you know the other one, perhaps it’s time you started thinking about it. There’s nothing wrong with saying yes once in a while.’
‘But it isn’t that easy,’ I replied. ‘He’s a partner at work for a start. I can’t just have a bit of fun with him. Plus, I’m not sure he’s that sort of man.’
‘Trust me,’ said Helen. ‘All men are that sort of man when it suits them.’
‘I actually think Freya might be right,’ said Lucy. ‘Dating Sam would be far too complicated. He’s lovely, handsome and very nice, but he isn’t the sort of man you have a bit of fun with. Plus, he’s her boss. It could make things very awkward at work if it doesn’t go well.’
‘Exactly,’ I said.
‘What about your husband?’ said Amy, looking across at me. ‘Do you think he’s dating?’
‘Joe?’ I asked, suddenly feeling strange just thinking about the possibility of it. ‘You think he’s already plotting dates?’
‘He’s got a penis,’ said Helen. ‘Of course he is!’
It was the first time I had thought about Joe being with someone else. Obviously the idea of us dating other people had been discussed, and I’d had passing thoughts about it happening one day, but that one day had always been some distant, faraway date in the future when we had sold the house and moved on. I couldn’t actually imagine seeing Joe with someone else in the same way I couldn’t actually imagine being with someone else myself. It was too difficult to process, and it also meant admitting that my marriage was over. I knew the separation felt quite final, but admitting it was still difficult. The truth was, I hated the thought of Joe with someone else, even though I knew I didn’t necessarily want him myself.
‘He did walk in on me naked the other day,’ I said suddenly.
‘He did what?’ said Lucy.
‘The night he went out for a drink with Stuart and Barney. He came back a little drunk, barely knocked, before he walked into my bedroom. I was just out of the shower, and he saw everything.’
‘What did you do?’ said Caroline.
‘What do you think I did? I told him to get the fuck out of my room. I was livid.’
‘Do you think it was on purpose?’ asked Helen.
‘I don’t. He apologised profusely and we had quite an awkward conversation the following morning over breakfast, and I don’t think it will happen again,’ I said.
‘You know what you have to do?’ said Caroline.
‘What’s that?’ I asked.
