Page 42 of Not Moving Out
‘No, love, it isn’t that,’ I said. ‘I just, we just, want you to know that we support you, love you, and that it doesn’t change anything in our eyes.’
‘That’s right,’ said Joe.
‘Okay,’ said Dolly. ‘Do you have any questions?’
Dolly was being remarkably mature about all of this. It was as if she was hosting an event, taking questions from the audience, and she was calm and in control. I had always been so proud of her, but perhaps just that little bit more after today.
‘How long have you known?’ asked Joe after a moment.
‘Umm, not really sure,’ said Dolly. ‘Honestly, I didn’t think much about it until probably the last year of secondary school. I think I always knew I didn’t really fancy boys, but also, I hadn’t fancied a girl either.’
‘Right, okay,’ said Joe. ‘Are you and Maya serious?’
‘Quite serious, I guess. It’s not that old. We haven’t been official for very long, but I’ve known her for ages, so, yeah.’
I looked across the sofa at Dolly, and I just wanted to hug her and never let her go. It felt like finding out she was gay right before she left for university was just another reason to love her. Another layer to add to the millions of layers of why I was so in love with her already.
‘Why didn’t you tell us sooner?’ I asked, and Dolly looked across the sofa at me. I still had my hand on her leg. ‘You know we wouldn’t ever have cared, right?’
Dolly’s face softened, and it looked like she might break down and start crying again. I could tell she was doing her best to keep it together, to stop herself from falling apart in front of us.
‘It might sound silly,’ said Dolly, and I gently squeezed her leg.
‘Dolly, love, whatever the reason, I know it’s not going to be silly,’ I replied.
Dolly took a moment, a breath, and then she told us. ‘The reason I didn’t come out sooner was that I just wasn’t ready. I needed time to process it myself before I put it out in the world because I thought that once it was out there, I couldn’t take it back again. I needed to be sure.’
‘Oh, Dolly,’ I said, and I moved along the sofa and gave my daughter a hug. I took her in my arms and held her. ‘I totally understand.’
‘Me, too,’ said Joe, who got up, walked across, and he put his arms around us, too, and everything between me and Joe, all of the drama, didn’t matter because Dolly would always come first.
After a minute, we slowly pulled away from each other and returned to our previous positions, all with tears in our eyes, even Joe again – seriously, what had happened to him? Joe hardly ever cried, and yet he was suddenly a wobbly mess. Where had this vulnerability been for the past eighteen months when I had needed more from him? I stood up, went into the toilet and got us all some tissue so we could wipe our eyes and blow our noses, before we could continue with the conversation.
‘It’s been quite an emotional day, hasn’t it?’ I said. ‘I tell you what, and this is just an idea, why don’t you invite Maya over for dinner next week? Now we know she’s your girlfriend, I’d like to get to know her better.’
‘Definitely,’ added Joe quickly.
‘Yeah? You’re sure?’ asked Dolly.
I looked at Joe and he looked at me, and we both nodded at the same time.
‘One hundred per cent,’ Joe and I said in unison.
Chapter Twenty-One
Freya
Maya was arriving at seven o’clock, and I didn’t know who was more nervous: Dolly, Joe or me. It had been my idea to invite Maya for dinner so we could get to know her, but it had quickly dissolved into a bit of a disaster on a few fronts. Firstly, as it turned out, Maya was vegan, so all of Joe’s tried-and-trusted dinners were null and void. Secondly, Dolly quickly decided the idea was terrible, doomed to failure, and that we should cancel immediately, but Joe and I ignored her and ploughed on regardless. Lastly, since the summer party, things between Joe and me had been decidedly frosty. We had spoken more about it, Joe had apologised a hundred times, and I had sort of forgiven him, but the atmosphere between us had changed. All the previous successes and little wins of the past few months seemed to have evaporated and now we were back to square one – awkward, uncomfortable and not quite sure where we were with each other. Not great for hosting a meal for your daughter and her first girlfriend. So, as I walked into the kitchen to see how dinner was going, I wasn’t surprised to get a rather negative response from Joe.
‘Fucking vegan shit tastes like sick,’ said Joe.
‘Anything I can do?’ I enquired sheepishly.
Dolly was upstairs getting ready.
‘Making Maya not a vegan would be a great start.’
‘Anything actually useful?’
