Page 48 of Not Moving Out
You can count me in.
Wonderful! See you later.
My finger hovered over my phone screen and I was pondering replying with something a little flirtatious like ‘Looking forward to it!’ with maybe a kiss afterwards? Just one of those casual kisses, like the sort you might add without a thought on a birthday card. However, after a moment, I decided against it and put my phone away.
I was disappointed that my initial thought it was a drink just with Sam was wrong, and it was merely an invitation for a work event. However, as I got back to work, I realised it was all very silly because when I had thought it was just us, my first reaction, after a slight initial thrill, had been complete and utter horror. How could I even think about another man when I was still under the same roof as Joe and still so unsure about my feelings towards him and whether our marriage really was inoperable. Was it worth the last-punt surgery in the hope we might make a full recovery?
The place they had chosen for drinks was a lovely old pub just around the corner from work that Lucy and I occasionally frequented, usually on the warmer summer months when we could sit outside. It was a large open pub that had been stripped back with comfy leather sofas, old wooden floors and lots of greenery. It was there that the very best and brightest from Becket, Godwin & Anderson had congregated for after-work drinks.
‘I have a confession,’ I said quietly to Lucy as we started on our second glasses of wine. I’d had quite a light lunch at my desk, and already after one glass I was feeling a little tipsy. My mind had certainly decided it was going to be a little less inhibited than usual.
‘Interested. Go on,’ said Lucy, who was standing next to me at the bar.
I had a brief look around to check that no one from work was within earshot. The partners – Sam Becket, Brian Godwin and Claire Anderson – were sitting around a table together in deep conversation, while the two other paralegals, Emily and Tom, were at the next table, and Lucy and I were at the bar. We were safe.
‘Earlier when Sam texted me, and asked if I fancied a drink, I got a bit excited because I thought it was just going to be us.’
‘Oh my God, Freya, that’s…’ replied Lucy with a huge smile on her face without finishing her thought. Perhaps she was feeling a little tipsy, too. ‘So, you think if he was interested you might be ready to go on a date?’
‘That’s the thing. When I initially thought it was just us and he was asking me out, I was terrified and immediately shot the idea down in my head, but then when I realised it was work drinks, I was disappointed. What the fuck does that mean?’
‘I think it means you’re starting to think of a life beyond Joe.’
‘You think so?’
‘I know so, but, wait, heads up, a hot partner at a local law firm is on his way!’ said Lucy, and when I looked across I saw that Sam was walking towards us, a smile on his face, and I felt my cheeks immediately redden – and it definitely wasn’t the wine.
Sam had already slipped his jacket off – it was lying over the back of his chair – so was just in his shirt and tie. I had to admit he looked bloody good in it. Despite not caring to go into the sea at seven o’clock, obviously his morning runs were doing the trick. He was holding a half-empty glass of red wine in his hand, so obviously didn’t need another drink yet.
‘Hello, ladies,’ said Sam with a dashing smile, and I was feeling rather self-conscious. Could he detect that we had just been chatting about him, and could he see the obvious heat and redness that was emanating from my face? Surely I looked like I had just returned from a week in Greece, and I’d forgotten to pack the sun cream. The word lobster sprang to mind.
‘I just need to pop to the loo,’ said Lucy with an obvious note ofI’m going to leave you two alonein her voice that Sam definitely picked up on. To be fair, Lucy wasn’t particularly subtle, especially after a glass or two of wine.
‘Was it something I said?’ asked Sam, filling the space at the bar where Lucy had been.
‘I don’t think so,’ I replied, having a quick sip of my wine to try and settle my nerves. Why was I acting like a silly teenager lusting after the hottest boy in school? I was forty-five years old, surely I was too old to behave like that. ‘I think she just really needed a wee.’
Great save, Freya.
Sam leaned against the bar, and smiled at me, which really didn’t help settle my nerves. ‘So, Freya, how are you?’
‘Yes, yes, all good.’
I noticed his tie had been loosened slightly, and the top button of his shirt had been undone. Was this Sam letting his hair down? I couldn’t even imagine Sam in weekend clothes. I took another sip of wine, and my head felt fuzzy. I should definitely have eaten something before I started drinking, even a packet of crisps or some nuts would have sufficed.
‘I, umm,’ said Sam rather uncertainly. ‘Just wanted to say that after my, umm, divorce, it took me ages to get back out there again. I had been married for the best part of twenty years, and the prospect of dating, of meeting new people, felt like the hardest thing in the world.’
‘I totally understand. Just the thought of it sends my mind into spirals of anxiety and fear.’
‘I also know that eventually it gets better with time,’ said Sam with a smile. ‘And being alone, or the idea of being alone for me, at least, felt harder than actually moving on.’
‘So you’re saying that in two or three years, I’ll be so desperate and lonely, that I’ll be on as many dating apps as my phone can handle?’
‘That’s not what I’m saying at all,’ said Sam with a chuckle. ‘What I’m trying to say, and failing badly at, apparently, is that it’s hard moving on and I’ve been on a few dates, and anyway, Freya, what I wanted to say was that, gosh, this is much harder to say than I thought—’
‘It’s okay, just say it,’ I said, desperate to know what it was that Sam was trying to convey, and gosh, didn’t he look even more handsome when he was nervous. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Lucy had returned from the toilets, and was heading towards the paralegal table. She was clearly leaving us to it.
‘What I wanted to say was that maybe, one day, and I know you’re just coming out of a difficult break-up, and I’m prepared to wait for as long as it takes, but Freya, I think that you are really lovely, and whenever you are ready, maybe, I could ask you out?’ Sam stopped speaking and looked across at me, and I honestly didn’t know where to look. I was suddenly even hotter than before, and my heart appeared to have fallen into the pit of my stomach, which was suddenly like a washing machine on its fastest spin cycle. OMG! Sam Becket wanted to ask me out!
