Page 55 of Not Moving Out
‘What are we doing?’ said Freya, her voice full of passion.
‘I don’t know,’ I replied, still with my arms around her, looking into her eyes. ‘But I think I want this. We never had a last time.’
‘I know.’
‘Do you want to do this?’ I asked, and she didn’t say anything, and then she took my hand, and we walked slowly into her bedroom in the darkness, closing the door behind us.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Freya
I was sitting in the car at almost seven o’clock, still in shock at what had happened the night before. I had left Joe in bed, crept out, grabbing my clothes from the floor, and leaving the house at just after six thirty, my head pounding from the early signs of an impending hangover. I couldn’t believe that after everything, all the fights, the conversations, the break-up, the horrible fucking awkwardness, we had slept together again. What did it mean? We had both said, admittedly in our drunken states, that we wanted to have one last time, and maybe that’s all it was. It was drawing a line under us. It was goodbye sex. Thanks for the memories. But was sex ever that straightforward? In my experience, the answer was always a big, fat NO.
It was the first time we’d had sex in a long time, and I had to admit, it felt good. Really good, actually. It was the thing with Joe, despite everything, it was familiar and enjoyable in the way it was to rewatch old episodes ofFriends, and in bed we were full of passion and we both knew what the other liked. There weren’t any massive surprises, and I liked that. When I thought about the possibility of having sex with someone else, it was exciting, but also, what if they did something weird, were into something kinky, or what if it was just really shit? With Joe nothing mattered because we had grown up with each other. He had seen me in my twenties, my thirties, and now my forties, and we knew every square inch of each other. Despite the separation, and everything else that had happened, the sex was still good because we knew what worked. It also still meant something, too, and that was perhaps the only surprising thing about it. We had, for the want of a better word, connected again.
Lucy and the rest of Cold Water Club all pulled up in their cars and got out, and I slowly joined them. It was gradually getting warmer with each passing week. Lucy told me I had joined at exactly the right time because December through February were brutal and I had missed them, and we had all of summer to look forward to.
‘Morning, Frey. You look a little…’ said Lucy, before she added, ‘peaky. Big night?’
‘Something like that,’ I replied, as we walked towards the beach.
Helen was regaling us with stories about her and Simon, the man she had been dating, and it was wonderful to see her so happy and excited. My stomach definitely felt a little queasy, and my head had a dull pain: the early signs of a headache that would no doubt make an appearance at some point during the day. I couldn’t take alcohol the way I used to.
‘What’s the sex like?’ said Caroline, and we all looked towards Helen as we stood on the beach in our swimsuits, facing the sea. ‘Sorry, is that inappropriate? You don’t have to answer—’
‘No, it’s fine,’ said Helen, a smile on her face. ‘It’s so different from my ex. With him it was always very physical, almost a fight, but with Simon it’s tender and, fuck me, the orgasms! I hardly ever had actual orgasms during sex before, but with Simon it’s been nearly every time!’
‘That’s brilliant,’ said Debs. ‘Steve and I have been doing it for so long, it’s like painting by numbers. You follow the numbers, and when you’re all done, the picture looks nice, but it’s never going to get into an art gallery, is it?’
‘Not us,’ said Caroline. ‘Mark and I are pretty adventurous in bed. Always have been.’
‘Oh yeah?’ said Lucy. ‘Details please.’
We all started walking slowly into the sea.
‘Mark has always liked a wee bit of dress-up,’ said Caroline, and we all laughed.
‘Wow!’ said Lucy.
‘Nothing wrong with a bit of old-fashioned role play,’ said Amy.
‘Although not always so old-fashioned,’ said Caroline with a wink and a smile.
We continued walking out into the sea until we were waist deep, and then it was time to slowly drop down until the water came up to our shoulders. I already felt the effects of the cold water and my whole body was energised and so much more awake. My head was still very much in a spin about Joe though. Eventually, we were all in the sea with just our heads protruding out, and I knew I needed some advice from my cold water ladies, before we started swimming.
‘I slept with Joe last night,’ I said suddenly without warning.
‘What?’ said Lucy incredulously.
‘Jesus!’ said Caroline.
‘I thought you were separated?’ asked Amy.
‘We were. Are. It just sort of happened,’ I said, and then Lucy asked me to start at the beginning and explain exactly what had happened, and so I did. ‘Then I woke up this morning with a headache from hell and wondering what the hell had happened. I felt like a teenager again, sneaking out of the room, the walk of shame downstairs, and slipping quietly out the front door.’
‘Do you think it might change things between you?’ said Caroline.
‘I honestly don’t know. Last night we both said we wanted one last time, so maybe it was just goodbye sex.’
