Page 69 of Not Moving Out
‘Daaad?’
‘Fine. Look, here’s the thing. This is the thing—’
‘Please, just get to the thing.’
‘You know I’ve written a new sitcom, right?’
‘Yes. I mean, vaguely. You mentioned it, but I’m not sure what it’s about or anything.’
I just had to rip the plaster off.
‘It’s calledHouse Shared, and it’s basically about the situation your mum and I found ourselves in. A couple with a daughter, on the verge of breaking up, but staying under the same roof until their daughter leaves for university.’
‘Blimey, Dad, that’s a bit close to home. How does Mum feel about it?’
‘She wasn’t happy when I told her, but I spoke with my agent, Carl, and he had a meeting at the BBC and they love it. It’s probably going to get picked up.’
‘Wow! That’s brilliant news, Dad,’ said Dolly, taking another bite of her sandwich. ‘I mean, not the bit about Mum, obviously, but the part about the BBC.’
‘Yes, it is,’ I said, before I paused and then I said. ‘I also wanted to tell you that there is a daughter in the show, and there are some elements of you in there.’
‘What sort of elements?’ asked Dolly, taking another sizeable bite of her sandwich.
‘Well, she’s smart, funny, quite sarcastic—’
‘Hey! I’m not sarcastic,’ said Dolly.
‘She’s independent, strong-willed—’
‘Gay?’ asked Dolly suddenly.
‘Actually not gay. I did think about using your coming-out story in the show but it felt wrong, so actually, in the show, the character of you is a little bit of a Harvey Cooper.’
‘Who the hell is Harvey Cooper?’
‘A boy at my school who failed his GCSEs on purpose because he didn’t want to become a doctor.’
‘So she, my character in the show, fails her A levels on purpose to do what?’
‘Follow her dreams, Dolls,’ I said, and she smiled at me.
‘I like that.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ said Dolly.
‘So you’re okay with the show?’
‘I think it’s cool, Dad, but you need to fix things with Mum.’
‘I know.’
‘Because if you don’t, it doesn’t matter what I think about it.’
Dolly and I sat and finished lunch. She asked a few more questions aboutHouse Shared, and I did my best to answer them. I had toyed with the gay storyline for the daughter in the show, but when it came to actually writing it, I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t cross that line. It took me a while to come up with something else, and that’s when the Harvey Cooper story came back to me. A daughter, destined to get great marks and head off to a top-tier university, chucks it all in to work in a cafe and follow her dreams of being a writer. It was the edge Carl had wanted and he was happy with it. Plus, it meant the daughter wasn’t heading off to university, and could stay in the show, along with her loser, hippy boyfriend, Rat – actual name Roland Mumford. I asked Dolly more about Elle, and she glowed with a brightness whenever she spoke about her. Elle was obviously special, and I said I wanted to meet her soon. Eventually, Dolly had to head back to the language school, and I wanted to head home.
‘Love you, Dolls,’ I said, as we stood on the pavement.
