Page 75 of Not Moving Out
When I needed life advice, I would usually go to my friends, but Stuart wasn’t really the romantic type, and Barney had had so little luck in love he was hardly the person to go to for guidance when it came to saving a marriage. Dolly was still working and spending all of her time with Elle, so was hardly about, and I couldn’t imagine she wanted to give her dad advice about wooing her mum. Karen was my therapist, and she had made it quite clear what we could and couldn’t discuss, which only left my father. It felt strange to go to him for advice, but since he had met Juliette, he was like a different person. He was a true renaissance man. I decided to give it a go because I was desperate and nothing was coming to me. I rang his number, and after a few rings he answered.
‘All right, son?’ said Dad.
‘Hi, Dad. How’s it going?’
‘Yeah, not bad. The sale of my house is going through and that should be done soon, fingers crossed. The house in France is already ours, and Juliette is there now doing some work on it. It needs a lot done, and she’s working with some local builders over there, and honestly, you think builders are unreliable here, you haven’t been to the south of France. Sometimes they don’t show up until lunchtime, if they show up at all. I can’t wait to get down there, to be honest, and get cracking.’
‘I bet.’
‘It feels weird just waiting around in an empty house to sign some paperwork, but it’s good to get all the loose ends tied up. I’m saying goodbye to friends, that sort of thing. What’s happening with you?’ said Dad, and this was the moment when I needed him. I hadn’t had that thought often – maybe ever – in my life, but perhaps things were going to be different from now on.
‘Actually, I need your help,’ I said, and then I went on to explain everything that had happened recently from the show getting commissioned to telling Freya I was still in love with her. ‘The thing is, Dad, since I told her, and she said she needed some time and space, we have barely spoken. It feels like there’s time and space, and then there’s, you know, time and space.’
‘Right, yeah, I can see how that would be difficult. But how can I help you, exactly?’
‘Right now Freya is in New York for the week with her Cold Water Club.’
‘Very nice! I have always fancied going to New York. The Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, Central Park, getting one of those giant sandwiches—’
‘Yes, Dad, but that isn’t the point.’
‘Sorry, Joe, got a bit lost there for a moment.’
‘She’s in New York and when she gets back, I want to do something big, show her just how much I love her. That I’m serious about us. I just don’t know what to do, but I know it has to be spectacular. I need to blow her mind, Dad.’
‘This is what you want me to help you with?’
‘That’s right.’
‘You need something really big. A grand romantic gesture that will show Freya just how much you love her, that you’ve changed, and you’ll do anything to make your marriage work again?’
‘That’s exactly it!’ I said excitedly because he seemed to get it right away. Perhaps he had the perfect plan. There was nothing but silence down the phone and I waited, hoping Dad would suggest something ridiculously romantic.
After about a minute, Dad said, ‘You could give the house a really good clean while she’s gone, and make her something nice to eat? What’s her favourite meal?’
‘That’s your enormous romantic gesture? A spring clean and steak dinner?’
‘I mean, think about it, son. Who wouldn’t love to come back from holiday to a clean house and a nice meal?’
‘I know, Dad, but this has to be something huge, not a quick vacuum and a jacket potato.’
‘Oh, right,’ said Dad, sounding like someone way out of his depth, but then he said something that suddenly changed everything. ‘What about your sitcom?’
‘Sorry? What about it?’
‘You said you wrote an entire television show about your marriage.’
‘I did.’
‘Maybe there is something you can do with that?’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know, but you must have written some pretty nice stuff about her, about love, marriage, and all of that, right? Maybe you can use that in some way to show her exactly how much she means to you. What about that?’ he suggested, still sounding rather unsure of himself, but it didn’t matter because the wires in my brain that connected the dots and sparked ideas when I was writing were suddenly shooting off all over the place. It was like a firework show in my head. Why hadn’t I thought of it before?
‘Dad, you’re a genius!’
‘Yeah? Why’s that?’
