Page 77 of Not Moving Out
I had been having such a great time in New York, and being with my Cold Water Club ladies had been incredible, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Joe the whole bloody time. Hearing the other ladies complaining about how useless their husbands were without them, it did make me think about Joe and that, despite his shortcomings, he was good around the house, and our marriage was for the most parts an equal partnership. At least it had been for so long. All I wanted to do was enjoy the sights and sounds of New York, the incredible food and energy of the city, but I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering back to Joe and wondering whether, after everything that had happened, could we save our marriage?
I had been in my head about it since take-off from London, perhaps it was time to share it with the group and get their perspectives. They were, after all, my closest friends and I trusted them and valued their opinions. Once everyone was settled with food and drinks, I decided to bring it up. We were at a rooftop bar in New York with the most incredible views. What better place to try and decide the rest of my life? This was real-lifeSex and the City!
‘I need some advice,’ I said, looking around at the group.
‘We’re listening,’ said Lucy.
I took a moment to compose myself and collect my thoughts before I started speaking.
‘I think I mentioned before we left that Joe and I had a huge fight. What I didn’t tell you was why. He’s written a new show, and it’s getting commissioned by the BBC—’
‘That’s great news!’ said Caroline excitedly before her face slipped into a frown. ‘Right?’
‘It is. Joe’s spent so many years trying to get a show on TV again, and he’s achieved it and it’s great for him. The thing is, the show is entirely about the break-up of our marriage, and he never told me he was writing it. He never asked for permission to use our pain, our heartbreak for a show, and when I found out I was so angry with him—’
‘Rightfully so!’ said Debs. ‘That’s disgraceful behaviour.’
‘It is,’ I replied.
‘I can’t believe Joe would do that to you,’ said Lucy.
‘Me either,’ said Caroline. ‘I hope you told him exactly what you thought of him.’
‘I did. I was so angry, still am, but he also told me he’s still in love with me, will even see a marriage counsellor together, and just before we took off, he left me a voicemail and said he’d even give up the show for me.’
‘Wow!’ said Lucy. ‘I mean, obviously what he did was totally shit, and I understand the trust issues, but it sounds like he’s prepared to give up a lot for you.’
‘I know, but he still lied about seeing a therapist, he lied about the show he was writing, and the last eighteen months of our marriage were pure dog shit, if I’m honest. But the thing is, living together these past six months but not married, it’s, I don’t know, made me see him in a different light. I was actually thinking about us getting back together again before I found out about the show.’
‘So now you’re conflicted and want our advice?’ said Debs.
I looked around at my group of ladies and smiled. ‘I do. Although there’s something else, too. After I had that huge argument with Joe, I went to see Sam—’
‘Sam-from-work Sam?’ said Lucy.
‘Sexy Sam?’ said Amy with a salacious smile.
‘The very same, and we kissed.’
‘OMG!’ said Lucy. ‘You and Sam kissed? What was it like?’
‘It was great,’ I replied. ‘Really great, actually, but it’s just, I can’t even think about Sam until I know how I feel about Joe. Which is why I need your advice.’
‘Can I go first?’ said Caroline, and everyone, including me, nodded. ‘What he did was fucking awful. He lied to you and used your pain and suffering to write a television show without asking if it was okay. I’d be so angry with Mark if he lied to me like that. He’d be getting nothing in the sack for a good six months, and he’d need to cook me a lot of dinners, but ultimately the idiot made a mistake and if you think there’s even the smallest chance of it working out, I’d give him another go.’
‘Thanks,’ I replied before Debs jumped in.
‘I wouldn’t,’ said Debs with steely determination. ‘I think once the trust is gone that’s it. If Steve did something like that, I’d kick his ass to the ground faster than Usain Bolt with the wind behind his back. I’m sorry, Freya, but it’s a no from me.’
‘Even though he said he’d give up the show for me?’ I asked.
‘It’s a nice gesture, but you said it yourself, your marriage wasn’t good for eighteen months, and he’s lied to you twice in the last six months. How will you ever trust him again?’ said Debs.
‘I’m torn,’ said Helen, the only divorced woman in the group. ‘On one hand, I can see where Debs is coming from. Trust is so important in a marriage, and once you lose that trust, it’s hard to get it back again. On the other hand, being divorced and single in midlife is completely rubbish and I wouldn’t want that for you either. I suppose if I had to lean one way, I’d say, if you think you can trust him again, and if you still love him, then give it another go. Plus, I think him offering to go to counselling and giving up his dream shows that maybe he’s changed.’
We all looked towards Amy, the person in the group who had probably been through the most difficult of times, surviving cancer, and we all knew how much her husband, Ferguson, had helped her. Of all of us, she perhaps knew the most about the importance of a strong relationship.
‘I think I’m with Caroline,’ said Amy. ‘A swift kick in the balls and then you move on!’
