Page 48 of Wish You Were Here
It’s early evening, and Brad and I are strolling along Bondi Beach on our way to a restaurant for dinner. Life feels so strange at the moment. I can’t stop thinking about Lou and his son, and wondering what is really going on. Jess and I still haven’t spoken since our argument, and I don’t know what to do about it. Should I make the first move even though quite clearly she is in the wrong? I haven’t spoken or messaged with Ben in a few days, and I’m wondering if perhaps he’s over me and what that means now that I’m dating Brad. Also, since my bonsai chat with Brian, I have been pondering what it means to have a positive male role model in my life again. Dad’s been gone for ten years now, and in all that time, Mum’s not dated anyone I’ve got close to. To be fair, most of her boyfriends – and there haven’t been many – have only lasted for a few months, and none have moved in, so I haven’t had the chance to really get to know them. But speaking with Brian, it made me appreciate that I finally have someone else in my life I can trust. Someone I can ‘talk at’ if the need arises.
Brad and I stop for a moment, watching surfers riding the waves, and standing next to Brad, it’s hard not to feel a sense of pride. Is that the right word? He’s gorgeous, tall, muscular, and I see other women eyeing him up, then looking at me andprobably wondering why he’s dating me.Surely he could do better, right?But he is dating me, and we’re off to a restaurant Brad’s been going on about called North Bondi Fish.
‘Do you surf?’ I ask because he seems like the sort of bloke who would surf, but thinking about it, he has never mentioned it, and I don’t remember seeing a surfboard at his flat.
‘Not really. I did a bit when I was younger, but I lost interest in my twenties. I still love the sea, but not surfing. I’d rather workout at the gym, go for a run, and recently I’ve been cold water plunging. I’ve got a mate who has a cold plunge tank and a sauna in his backyard, and it’s a real game changer, Sas.’
‘Cold water plunge? I mean, how cold are we talking?’
‘It’s freeze your testicles all the way back into your body cold. You should try it. It’s life changing.’
‘No, you’re all right, Brad. I like my balls just the way they are, thanks.’
‘I’ll get you in there one day,’ says Brad with a smile, before he leans down and kisses me, although he doesn’t laugh at my joke. I think Ben would have enjoyed it.
‘One day? So you think you and I could go the distance?’
‘Yeah, maybe, why not?’
‘Guess we’ll have to see,’ I say, as we start walking towards the restaurant. We’re not in a hurry, and it’s nice to take our time and chat. ‘Although if we stay together, it might be the end of me and Jess.’
‘She’s still not talking to you?’
‘We haven’t spoken since the argument.’
‘I know Jess isn’t my biggest fan, and maybe she has every right to be angry at me, but I think she’s being unfair to you and going a bit over the top with all of this.’
‘She did say some really hurtful stuff.’
‘Then I wouldn’t worry about it. You need to live your life, Sas, and if she can’t be happy for you, then maybe she isn’t the friend you need in your life at the moment.’
‘You think so?’
‘I’m just saying,’ says Brad, as we walk up to the restaurant. ‘Sometimes we outgrow our friends, and maybe this is one of those situations. Right, here we go. Prepare to have your taste buds blown!’
The restaurant is light, bright and with wonderful views over Bondi Beach. It is also packed, and we get the last table near a window. We sit down, and a young waiter with surf-kissed blond hair and skin the colour of caramel asks us what we’d like to drink. Brad gets water for the table, a bottle of rosé to share, and we begin browsing the menu. It is a beautiful spot, and I’m sure the food is going to be to die for, but all I can think about is what Brad said outside. Is my friendship with Jess over? I can’t believe it is because she’s been my best friend since primary school. We grew up together, have shared so much of our lives with each other, but is it possible we could break up because of a man? Surely we’re stronger than that. But she hasn’t reached out to me and I haven’t reached out to her, and if neither of us makes the effort, then surely that’s it, right? Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. As we’re looking through the menu, Brad starts rattling off all the things we have to get.
‘For starters, the calamari is incredible, or the mussels if you’re into that. For the mains, obviously the fish and chips is awesome, the grilled fish is ace, or the fish burger. Although anything is good. So whatever you want, Sas, just—’
‘What really happened with Caroline?’ I ask suddenly. I don’t mean to just say it like that, but it comes out and I think I have to know. What did Brad do that was so awful Jess is prepared to blow up our friendship because of it?
‘What do you mean?’
‘What really happened because Jess seems to think that whatever happened between you was pretty bad. I just … Jess has been my best friend since we were kids, Brad, and for her to warn me against you like that, it makes me think.’
‘Sas,’ says Brad and then he reaches a hand across the table and holds mine softly in his. ‘It’s like I already said, she thought we were something we weren’t. She wanted a proper relationship, and I didn’t. We slept together a couple of times, she assumed we were something more and got upset when I broke it off.’
‘Jess said that you cheated on her.’
‘How can you cheat on someone when you aren’t even dating? Yes, I slept with other women, but Caroline and I were never exclusive. We were just a fling. That’s all.’
‘You made this clear to Caroline?’
‘I thought so, but obviously not to her. Look, Sas, I really like you. I think we might actually have something, and I don’t want it to get ruined because of something that happened ages ago that meant nothing to me. I swear I never meant to hurt Caroline.’
‘What about us?’
‘What about us?’
